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To think we have been treated shabbily by school ?

(167 Posts)
Myrnafoy Wed 23-May-18 14:51:15

Really need some advice as I'm not sure who is exactly being unreasonable!
Essentially Ds in year 6 had his shoe thrown into a garden by a reception child. Last day of Sats and the class had been told there was no further teaching for the day. Ds and friends decided to play cricket on the field. It was so hot they all took their shoes and socks off and dumped them in a pile. At break time said child above randomly chose ds' shoe and lobbed it over a high privet hedge. Obviously no malice involved. The boys enlisted the dinner ladies to help search for it but unfortunately there was no sign of it. I'm not sure they took it seriously as no one bothered to let the teaching staff know. Reaction was a kind of resigned shrug.
I went into school as soon as Ds came out. I managed to speak to a teacher who was initially a bit incredulous and insinuated that it was probably a prank orchestrated by the year six boys. Flortunately it had been witnessed by several children and the boy himself owned up to it.
Response from the teacher was that Ds had been silly to take his shoes off in the first place, what did he expect with all the young children around ? So actually quite dismissive.
Over the next day or two no progress, so ex-p went in on Monday to see if the school would inform the child's parents of the incident. I suppose we were hoping they'd contribute towards a new pair of shoes but not necessarily the full amount. Initially the head refused point blank and accused us of overreacting. I'll hasten to say that ex-p was perfectly polite but he was shocked by how obstructive she was. The fact is the shoes were relatively new and more than £40. They also had a special insert - Ds has had 9 months of intensive physio for an ongoing condition and the insert was part of the treatment.
Eventually head agreed to speak to the parents. When she phoned ex-p with their number she told him that the boy's dad had spent all evening searching for the shoe and had seen it in a tree in the garden. Ex-p dutifully headed off to try to have a look in the garden but neither he or owner could locate it. Ex-p naturally rang the mum to see which tree they were referring to but the mum changed her story and admitted it had been a child who'd seen it !
When politely asked if she'd care to contribute to a new pair of shoes
she declined because the head had told her to !
I really don't know what to do apart from fume. I personally would have been mortified if my child had done a similar thing and definately offered some kind of financial contribution. I also guess I'm shocked at the head's apparent lack of impartiality and empathy. Unfortunately the school is in a leafy fairly prosperous area of town so I doubt she realises that anyone is experiencing finanicial hardship ! I suppose what l would like to know is whether I should officially complain about her conduct or am I indeed being unreasonable?

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar Wed 23-May-18 14:54:04

What conduct would you be complaining about, exactly? confused

Jesuisleloup Wed 23-May-18 14:59:11

Sorry I would just buy another pair of shoes. Sounds like a prank gone wrong. It’s gone. Move on.

GahWhatever Wed 23-May-18 15:00:46

If it had been a Y6 child then I think it would be right to make them pay but a reception child is still too young to have a concept of what would happen if they just threw a shoe.
Where someone lives has no bearing on whether or not they can afford to replace your DS shoes.
YABU (but I sympathise)

autumnleaf1 Wed 23-May-18 15:04:53

My child is in reception and i would be pretty annoyed if she picked up someone elses shoe and threw it in a tree. I would also offer to pay for new shoes (after extensively searching to try to save myself the £40+)

MaisyPops Wed 23-May-18 15:07:15

I don't think they've done anything wrong.
And I don't think the reception child's parents should be paying either.

Don't want to risk anything happening to your shoes, then don't take them off I'm afraid.

(And how did you get the child's parent's number? Please say school aren't giving out parent numbers)

MaisyPops Wed 23-May-18 15:07:53

*they've - the school

Obviously throwing the shoe was wrong

jeangeniebiglippedmeanie Wed 23-May-18 15:10:12

YANBU....surely you can take your shoes off without fear of someone throwing them away??

Myrnafoy Wed 23-May-18 15:12:33

Imagreyhoundheaeroar
Conduct as in being impartial ! her role was to let them know what had happened and allow them to do what they felt was right not stick her beak in wink

MaisyPops Wed 23-May-18 15:18:54

jean
It's like at secondary. You should be able to leave your stuff on the floor outisde the lunch hall and it be there when you get back, but if you are silly enough to bring something expensive to school and it gets lost or damaged then it's on you gor bringing it in.

It's not right something could get damaged, but that's the risk you take bringing something valuable in.

Shoes really should be worn at play time. You should be able to leave your shoes off but if you want them safe then keep on your feet because kids can be silly.

AjasLipstick Wed 23-May-18 15:19:14

I'd be back there going through every bastard tree in the place!

Myrnafoy Wed 23-May-18 15:19:17

Agree Jeanie
I don't think the parents had a clue and school had no intention of informing them so no opportunity to learn from experience ! I would like to know personally and it would give me the chance to educate my child about treating people's property respectfully

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy Wed 23-May-18 15:19:22

There is always the possibility that the boy's Mum was fibbing and just didn't want to pay for the shoes?

Myrnafoy Wed 23-May-18 15:21:29

The children had been outside most of the day left to their own devices. When they took their shoes off there were no other children around.

JessicaJonesJacket Wed 23-May-18 15:22:02

But you don't know that the HT told them not to pay. You only know that a mum who doesn't want to pay, told you the HT agreed with her.
I understand why you're frustrated but if a shoe was thrown into a private garden, it must still be there. Maybe it didn't go into the garden after all.

Sirzy Wed 23-May-18 15:22:41

If I was the other parent I would be fuming with the school for giving you their number!

And a 4 year old who can throw that well needs signing up for his local cricket team!

Myrnafoy Wed 23-May-18 15:24:55

Yes ex-p did have a good look and said the people living there were v helpful too Offered to get their ladder out etc Owner of the garden said a dinner lady came round the day after but no one else So much for the child's dad searching high and low as we were told hmm

MycatsaPirate Wed 23-May-18 15:25:35

There should have been an adult supervising children out on the playing fields surely?

Also, I think you need to write off the shoe and just inform the head teacher that you don't have a spare £40 for another pair and your DS will be wearing trainers until September term starts.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar Wed 23-May-18 15:25:35

If you know what garden the shoe is in; go and knock on the bloody door and ask for it hmm

RatherBeRiding Wed 23-May-18 15:26:39

The child shouldn't have thrown the shoe, but equally your son took a risk in taking his off in the first place. I would be very annoyed but more annoyed at my child, whose action started the whole process off in the first place.

I certainly don't think any pressure should be put on the other parents to pay all or part of the cost of replacement shoes and I also don't think the school should be passing on contact details for the other parents. That's the bit that concerns me the most.

I would have thought the school could have made more effort to find out which garden the shoe had been thrown into so that you could yourselves go round and knock on the door of the house-holder straight away and ask if you could look for it in his garden. Or hedge. Chances are the shoe is still stuck inside the hedge somewhere.

pippistrelle Wed 23-May-18 15:27:18

YABU. My view would be that items of clothing are discarded at the wearer's risk. School sound indifferent to me which is probably one stop past impartial.

mostdays Wed 23-May-18 15:27:35

I think you need to write off the shoe and just inform the head teacher that you don't have a spare £40 for another pair and your DS will be wearing trainers until September term starts.

I'd go with that, too.

Myrnafoy Wed 23-May-18 15:28:06

The school didn't give us their number They contacted the parents and asked them if it was ok for us to speak to them. No confidentiality broken. I must be a mug then I'd have apologised immediately and offered some recompense. We're not thugs you know

mrsm43s Wed 23-May-18 15:30:48

There's only 8 weeks or so until the end of term, and presumably you'd be buying new school shoes in September for the start of Secondary school anyway. So, on that basis, I'd either arrange with the Head that your DS wears whatever suitable shoes he has at home (i.e trainers or similar) or I'd buy a £20 supermarket pair of school shoes. In future, your DS should keep his shoes on, or if he needs to take them off, put them in his bag. This is just one of those things that happens, and doesn't need to be blown out of proportion.

That said, if I was the mum of the Reception child, I'd probably have felt pretty bad and bunged you £20 to cover a pair of cheap shoes to last til the end of term.

Myrnafoy Wed 23-May-18 15:33:50

I agree ghostdays that will probably be the best course of action. Just sad that there was no sympathy from the head at a school with an apparently Christian ethos If she'd dealt with us more kindly we wouldn't have felt as aggrieved

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