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Don't call her gorgeous!!

(178 Posts)
gidddyasakipper Mon 21-May-18 15:48:59

I found this really sad, but maybe I'm in the wrong???

I was stood on the pavement outside a cafe waiting for my food order. It was a glorious sunny day in a tourist village so there were loads of people milling about. My 9mo baby girl in her pram.
A man (late 30s?) walked over carrying a toddler. He said his dd wanted to look at the baby. A little bit of small talk followed in which I introduced my baby to the toddler. I asked how old his dd was (22 months) and said to her, "hello lovely, aren't you gorgeous!"
The man looked me sternly in the eyes and said, "oh no, don't tell her that, language like that ruins them!"

AIBU to find this quite sad?

I work with children, I have lots of friends with children. I often use language like this. This is the first time I've come across this kind of attitude and I must admit I thought he was joking and laughed in his face.

Mookatron Mon 21-May-18 15:50:49

Yanbu, because 'gorgeous' just means 'all round wonderful' not 'pretty'.

I know what he meant, but he was being ridiculous.

Camomila Mon 21-May-18 15:52:31

Hmm...maybe it’s regional? And gorgeous is smilar to sexy in some parts?
I wouldn’t call a DC gorgeous either tbh, but I wouldn’t be bothered if others used it?

Trinity66 Mon 21-May-18 15:52:37

I do get the logic behind focusing on other qualities when complimenting girls especially. It does seem to be all focused on looks with girls which i do think should change. Saying that though I wouldn't correct a stranger in the street like that when they're just trying to be nice either. I just try to do it myself when talking to kids

moita Mon 21-May-18 15:52:44

Well, he sounds delightful. YANBU. It's a baby, you were being nice.

easterholidays Mon 21-May-18 15:55:32

I would say that being told I was pretty as a little kid (which I was) did cause me problems, because (a) it made me feel like being pretty was something important and that I'd somehow achieved something because people thought it about me, and (b) when I grew up into a fairly normal-looking older child and teen I was devastated that people didn't routinely say it to me any more, because it was something I'd attached such weight to. I do avoid telling my nieces that they're pretty for that reason, although I'm sure not everyone has the same experience and I think that since he was someone you don't know and won't see again he was just being plain old rude.

Kate123cl Mon 21-May-18 15:56:43

I see a lot of people post about this on social media. I think these types of parents want their children to not see beauty past appearance. A celebrity posted about how angry he was at someone commenting on his daughters lovely appearance and he kindly asked them to recognise how clever, thoughtful a kind she was instead. I think it's absolutely ridiculous as a compliment is a compliment and a lot of people are so over sensitive now.

bazingabazinga Mon 21-May-18 15:57:03

You can see why the world has problems when this sort of thing offends people?

If you see him again then call over “How are you and your ugly duckling of a child?” Obviously I’m kidding but really people have gone mad these days

Kate123cl Mon 21-May-18 15:57:53

To see beauty* sorry

MarthaArthur Mon 21-May-18 15:58:09

This comes up a lot and always reminds me of this quote. Heddy Lamarr was also a mathmatician and invented componants of what is now in modern bluetooth. Even she believed calling people beautiful no matter what they look like was invaluable for their self esteme and i agree. He was being ridiculous and weird.

MarthaArthur Mon 21-May-18 15:58:50

Sorry

KatnissK Mon 21-May-18 15:59:47

Oh no really? I often call DS "my gorgeous boy"!

Murane Mon 21-May-18 16:02:03

Stupid man. Some people want something to complain about!

fussychica Mon 21-May-18 16:02:42

I've just used the word in reference to a male child on another thread.

The man is an idiot.

DadDadDad Mon 21-May-18 16:03:25

Or is this parent of the school of thought that you shouldn't praise your child for anything innate (looks, brains etc) as it's demotivating (or bad for self-esteem if that praise stops in the future) - you should be praising effort or behaviour that they can control?

While I agree it's better to focus on praising behaviour, it's laughable that the odd compliment for appearance etc is going to "ruin" a child.

Mousefunky Mon 21-May-18 16:03:37

Ridiculous. He needs to join the real world if this is the biggest issue in his life.

scortja Mon 21-May-18 16:06:30

My parents never mentioned my appearance when I was growing up - i suspect for these reasons.. It meant I was an absolute SLAVE to anyone who told me I was pretty!

MarthaArthur Mon 21-May-18 16:07:12

I call peoples kids gorgeous on the train etc. How creepy would it be if i was chatting to a stranger and said to their child "oh you are so smart and intellectual and i guarentee you are corking at football too." confused

MumofBoysx2 Mon 21-May-18 16:07:42

He's bonkers, you said something perfectly nice and normal.

Awwlookatmybabyspider Mon 21-May-18 16:08:33

Yep the world has officially cracked its face. You petrified to open your mouth.
That's why i don't look at kids to be honest.
YANBU

ScreamingValenta Mon 21-May-18 16:11:25

shock Next time you see him, say 'what an average-looking toddler you have there, sir.'

cjt110 Mon 21-May-18 16:11:35

My mum once called a baby bonnie. In that area it meant fat and ugly - definitely wasn't what she meant confused

LittleRen Mon 21-May-18 16:12:44

YDNBU I always call kids gorgeous, my own (boys) and others. What is the world coming too!!

Luisa27 Mon 21-May-18 16:15:49

How bizarre - what a strange man

happymummy12345 Mon 21-May-18 16:16:01

I don't see the problem at all

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