A son is a son untill he takes a wife, a daughter is a daughter for life?

[Anxiousally]

Aibu to ask if this is true in your experience?

It makes me feel quite sad

DS is only 18 months old so I've a while yet and DHs mum passed away when he was young so I've not really experienced/witnessed an adult male and mother bond?
Just curious?

[Eltonjohnssyrup]

No, I know quite a few men in my family who are very close to their parents in adulthood.

I think it depends on the wife though, you see a lot of posts on here (and advice) from women who instantly see it as a combative relationship and the MIL as a rival. I dread one of those DILS. My MIL had one and it was very upsetting for her.

[Wingedharpy]

IMHO it will depend, to some extent, on who he chooses for his life partner.

[Greensleeves]

I bloody hope not.

I have two teenage boys I consider myself very close to them and so is dh

I am preparing myself for the likely scenario that should they end up in traditional heterosexual relationships, have kids etc, that DILs will want their own mums around more than me, and that is only natural and I would be a bloody fool to moan about it. I want to be helpful, kind, not a bossy judgemental nightmare and hope that I will be welcome in their lives.

I don't believe the cliche is true, people aren't that simple...but I won't pretend it doesn't send a little shiver down my spine

[Redglitter]

My Mum & my brother are very close. Way more so than my SIL & her mum

Over and above seeing my brother with his family he also sees my mum about once a fortnight on his own. They'll go out for lunch or hell take her into town or something

Like most things you can't generalise what a relationship will be like

[StopTheRoundabout]

This again?
A replica of this thread and several more like it were already up on mn a couple of months ago.

[Redglitter]

My mum is also their main babysitter not my SILs mum

[Mammyloveswine]

It's a crock of shit and really bloody rude... I have two sons and a few people who have daughters have said this to me... I find it really offensive, the implication being that their daughters will love them more than my son's will love me.

My brother has a great relationship with my mum and my husband and his two brothers do with mil.

Don't feel sad, your son will continue to love you always and be there always.

[DioneTheDiabolist]

My mum wishes. She thought marriage would do it, but no he's still hanging around. Only now his lovely wife and kids are there too.

[Anxiousally]

I am very close to my own mum and DH is very close with her too. I'd love this with DS'S wife/husband whichever her chooses when the time comes but this came up on my FB by a friend of my mum's who's son has gone moved a long way away with his wife and it made me really sad!

[WorraLiberty]

It's nothing other than a weird twee saying OP

Surely you must know married men who are close to their parents and equally married women who aren't?

[WorraLiberty]

X posted

Moving away does not have to (and probably will not) affect any kind of genuinely close relationship with anyone today.

I mean given all the digital technology at our fingertips.

[Anxiousally]

Sorry stop if that's the case you've wasted even more of your time reading and commenting
Think I may re post this thread in a few months time just for you!! HTH

[Thistlebelle]

It’s nonsense. My DH is very close to his Mum, so are many of our male friends.

The only person I know who uses this expression does it as excuse not to spend very much time with her in laws. Her own mother is also extremely matriarchal.

[MsGameandWatching]

A replica of this thread and several more like it were already up on mn a couple of months ago.

So?

[Anxiousally]

Very true about moving away not affecting a good relationship now a days.
I genuinely know very few examples of adult males and their family bonds!

[Thistlebelle]

With regard to your DS, how close you are with your adult son will depend on how close a relationship you build with him as a child.

[DioneTheDiabolist]

My DP sees more of his DM now than when he was single. And once or twice a year me and MiL go out for a meal. I've recently given birth and she has been seeing her son a lot more.

[YellowBucket]

My (otherwise lovely) MIL believes this and as a result has alienated her DS, even more so since we had our DC. She loves her DGC but there is a differing attitude between those from her own DD’s. We’ve chatted about it endlessly, argued even, but she says it’s the natural way of things. She admits she wasn’t close to her own MIL for this reason.

My DM was close to her MIL, my brother is close to his (and is also the closest of my siblings to our DM) so from my experience I expected to have a similar relationship with mine.
Oddly, to try and address this issue, we have spent more time with them than my own DP’s but it’s still stilted and awkward. I even send DH on his own sometimes incase it’s just me she’s adverse to!

[Carouselfish]

Pregnant with DD two pensioner ladies asked what gender at a fete. Told them and their response was that I was lucky as they had sons who, once married, rarely bothered with them. They were very sad about it not saying it with bitterness towards the DILs.
The other extreme of not cutting apron strings is extremely bad for the man though, (and his wife).
Maybe it's hard to strike a balance when raising a boy.

[vwlphb]

Depends on whether you develop a close emotional bond with your son or if you teach him to harden up and hide his emotions from you.

Depends whether you are equally tough/easy on your sons and daughters or whether you teach them that the opposite sex can "get away with things" more easily.

Depends whether you teach your daughters to be people-pleasers with obligations to look after their wider family and your sons to be ambitious and focussed on their careers.

In other words, the saying may have some historical truth because men have traditionally been raised to focus on themselves and their own lives, and to minimise emotional attachments, while daughters have been raised to put others before themselves and prioritise parental relationships more strongly. Women often have to compromise their work and financial security to give birth and raise children, and will therefore make more effort to maintain familial bonds that act as a safety/support net.

Raise your children differently, and you will get different results.

[Gladiola44]

In my experience of friends and their sons it is absolutely true, it is a saying for a reason. Daughters are absolutely more likely to live near to and care for their parents in old age, just as women mostly take on the caring role in their family. It would be very rare for a son to pop in to see his parents more and care for them more than the daughter, I see it all the time.

I think it’s a big reason why people have a gender preference for girls if they’ve had a boy already.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

My mother is a narcissist. My brother is golden boy. My sil would love him to cut the apron strings and hardly see our mother if at all. I am the scapegoat. I am not close to her as they all treat me like something on the bottom of her shoe. I see my mother infrequently and due to the abuse my child and I have suffered from sil and brother (I deserved the abuse according to my mother) I have cut contact with brother and sil. I come from a very disfunctional family. I am also aware that had my mother favoured me it may have been the other way round.

Bring your ds up with much love and good boundaries. This is the best way to ensure he chooses a life partner wisely, who will care about your ds’s relationship with his family. Let him know he has the freedom to go and to come back. Giving him the freedom to choose and empower him to respect and care for others imo is the best way to ensure your child wants to stick around.

[SpikeGilesSandwich]

I hate this saying, I only have a DS and it makes me sad. Nice to read positive mother-son relationships on here but in real life, 90% of the time it does seem that a couple will choose to live near the wife's parents and have them as a bigger part of their lives.
I plan to be as welcoming as I can to any future DIL but accept the fact that we will most likely be second place grandparents and not see much of DS when he is an adult as this does seem to be the norm.

[Sugarpiehoneyeye]

Relationships do change, and it does depend on their wives to some degree, but the love never dies !

[MrsDilber]

Depends on who that wife is and your relationship with your son. Funnily enough I was talking about this with DS21 earlier. We are very close and I'd like whoever he settles down with to be sucked into our family, and feel like one of us. But time will tell.