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AIBU not wanting to share our Xmas bonus with BIL and MIL?

(182 Posts)
Cumulus1984 Wed 06-Dec-17 14:16:12

DH got a new job with a wine merchant earlier this year. As a Xmas bonus, employees have the option to purchase a year's supply of wine: 52 bottles for £52. The wine retails for £20 a bottle.

DH mentioned it to MIL and BIL, who immediately went OOOH! and wanted to split it three ways (17 bottles each). Then they had a chat about who they could give the bottles of wine to as Xmas presents... one for my work colleague Sarah, one for my neighbour John, etc.

I was seething when DH told me because it's OUR Xmas bonus! I don't mind giving them a bottle each for Xmas but I don't see why they should have a third each, or why they should give away our bargain wine to their colleagues and friends who are complete strangers to us! And then when we run out of the nice stuff after a few months we have to spend five times as much on cheap wine to last us the rest of the year.

They've asked a couple of times when THEIR wine is being delivered. I've told DH to tell them it's our Xmas bonus and he's happy to give them a bottle each as a gift but we want to keep the rest to last us the year. But DH insists he can't refuse to share because it's rude and I'm being selfish. I pointed out that BIL receives a cash bonus from his employer and he isn't sharing that with us, so I don't see why we should share our bonus. AIBU wanting to keep our Xmas bonus for ourselves?

Tinselistacky Wed 06-Dec-17 14:17:19

Is your dh always such a doormat!?

Littlefrogletx Wed 06-Dec-17 14:17:29

Nope your not unreasonable at all.

ZigZagIntoTheBlue Wed 06-Dec-17 14:17:48

Well it isn't your Christmas bonus either tbh - it's dhs to do what he wants with surely!

LagunaBubbles Wed 06-Dec-17 14:18:11

But DH insists he can't refuse to share because it's rude and I'm being selfish

It wouldnt even cross my mind to share any work bonus with anyone apart from my DH, not that Im likely to get anything mind you as I work for the NHS!

SnowBallsAreHere Wed 06-Dec-17 14:18:58

Where does he work?
Because I need to apply for a job there grin

BaronessBomburst Wed 06-Dec-17 14:19:01

I think, given the circumstances, I would ask BIL to hand over 1/3 of his bonus.

Flippetydip Wed 06-Dec-17 14:19:28

It's not your Christmas bonus, it's DH's. If he's happy with splitting it then let him split it. But I would suggest he asks for a third of BIL's cash bonus.

LagunaBubbles Wed 06-Dec-17 14:19:46

Because I need to apply for a job there


FizzyGreenWater Wed 06-Dec-17 14:20:24

Um, no! That's crazy. Since when did your MIL and BIL see the proceeds of your DH's job as belonging to them?

No way.

Yes absolutely gift them a couple of bottles. But splitting it three ways?! So as you say, where is your third of BIL's Xmas bonus money then? What is MIL sharing out as her Xmas bonus?

Twuntingattheweekend Wed 06-Dec-17 14:22:16

What I said up with yr dh....can't he stand up for himself...put your foot down...tell them they get theirs when hell freezes over

ijustwannadance Wed 06-Dec-17 14:22:18

They are proper cheeky fuckers! If he was given £900 bonus would they expect £300 each.
Do they intend to actually pay him £17 for their wine or think it's free?

Aridane Wed 06-Dec-17 14:22:18


DarthMaiden Wed 06-Dec-17 14:22:35

They are being cheeky and your DH is being daft.

It's a bonus - in wine yes, but it has a monetary value and as you say by giving it away you are going to have to spend money that the bonus should have covered.

Feel free to give away a few bottles of course, but being expected to spilt it 3 ways is ridiculous.

No one would expect a cash bonus to be split this way and this is absolutely no different.

Twuntingattheweekend Wed 06-Dec-17 14:22:48

What is up..(...that should say)

FizzyGreenWater Wed 06-Dec-17 14:24:36

Maybe time for a PA text to MIL:

MIL this is about our wine from the bonus. I'm not sure I've got this right but are you saying that because our wine is the bonus it should be shared with family? It's just that we would feel SO awkward asking for a third of BIL's cash bonus - we've never even considered that bonuses were anything other than part of the job. DH can't get a cash bonus to help out so we get this so that we don't have to spend on wine through the year. So it's the same thing as BIL's cash bonus. Is he honestly giving you a third? Does he expect us to ask for our third?? And you get a third of each even though you have no bonus to share out, is that right? Sorry but I think this will get really awkward!'

QueenUnicorn Wed 06-Dec-17 14:25:07


Ellendegeneres Wed 06-Dec-17 14:25:13

3 ways?? Where's your flippin cut then? You're the one washing his skiddy kecks no doubt, why do you not get in on the deal??

Anatidae Wed 06-Dec-17 14:26:09

You say no, at the first mention.

Polite bafflement, a ‘haha yes of course, wink wink when you start splitting your paychecks with us...’

The key with this kind of request is to look baffled as to how outrageous it is from the start - your default position is goodness no how ridiculous.

Namechangetempissue Wed 06-Dec-17 14:28:04

Do you work there too OP? Or do you get another christmas bonus from your job? I was going to suggest you keep all of your bonus for yourself and he do as he will with his. If you always split you bonus in half and share, you take your half of 26 bottles and he can split his half with his family.
I think its bloody cheeky of them to ask though!

Grumblepants Wed 06-Dec-17 14:29:24

Nope, I wouldn't share. They would have to pry the wine out of my cold dead hands! My family would know better than to ever ask me to share my wine though. Go NC you don't need people like that in your life wink

Helendee Wed 06-Dec-17 14:31:06

I would happily give it away but then I hate wine with a passion.

Very cheeky of the in-laws though.

Cumulus1984 Wed 06-Dec-17 14:31:27

They want to buy a third of his wine each: 17 bottles for £17 (worth £340 retail). Not all for personal use either, they clearly intend to give away at least some of it as cheap Xmas gifts. We aren't even giving it to our own friends so don't see why their friends should benefit.

Therefore (according to DH) we can't expect BIL to GIVE us part of his cash bonus because we haven't GIVEN him part of our wine: he's bought it. I did suggest that BIL should sell us 340 pound coins for £17 grin

SlothMama Wed 06-Dec-17 14:31:29

It's your DHs christmas bonus not yours! If he wants to share it then that's his choice not yours...

LadyIrisBarclay Wed 06-Dec-17 14:32:29

How on earth does anyone manage to make 52 bottles of wine last an entire year?

<misses point entirely> grin

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