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Thinking that she's hardly a responsible parent

(65 Posts)
Geegee84 Sat 18-Nov-17 15:31:48

My Sil has three dd's who are 14,13 and 11. She's always been the type of parent to give them what they want and gives in all the time for and easy life. When kids are little it's hard work so I can understand a little but now they're older me and Dh are a little concerned about how lax she is regarding certain things. For instance she allows our 14 year old neice to drink. Now I know kids will do it eventually but my Sil actually goes out and buys her and her friends alcohol. My eldest dd is 13 is on snap chat (I supervise and check her account) and has on many occasions shown me pictures of my niece going on nights posing with a bottle of vodka dressed in skirts that practically show her backside hanging out and tops that barely contain her chest. Now don't get me wrong I know what teenagers are like especially girls but how is this acceptable?

My Sil the other night was on the phone to my Dh and my neice popped back to her house and was talking with my Sil in the background. Dh heard his neice mither his sister for more money as her and her friends wanted to get the train (miles away) to a party and they also needed to buy more alcohol. My Sil agreed and handed her another £20 (or at least that's what Dh said it sounded like she gave her) and off she went.

It's not just our eldest niece though. Our 13 year old neice has been brought home by the police a few weeks ago as she was over the park drunk with friends and had been causing trouble with some neighbour's. She's also having major problems at school and has absolutely no respect for anyone. She dresses like she is 18 and my Sil also allows my 11 year old neice to walk around wearing push up bras, belly tops that aren't really belly tops and are more like boob tubes and she lets her wear red lip stick and really short skirts.

I know I'll be told to mind my own business but it's concerning and quite frankly I can't get over how my Sil just doesn't seem to give a shit what he kids are up to, how they behave or what they wear.

grimeofthecentury Sat 18-Nov-17 15:35:57

The alcohol thing would really concern me. I love a glass of wine or two (or four) but 13/14 yos unsupervised, drinking heavily? Nope. Not good.

MrsJayy Sat 18-Nov-17 15:36:16

It is tricky seeing others parent (or not) different from you your sil made her parenting choices just like you did I won't slate her but maybe she is struggiling with her teenagers , talk to her see if she needs support,

Geegee84 Sat 18-Nov-17 15:39:06

I know we all parent differently and some things are acceptable to one parent and they aren't to another but still. Don't get wrong I drank a little when I was younger and like my wine as an adult now but I'm talking when i was 17/18 not 14 years of age, and my parents certainly wouldn't have bought me alcohol. My dd is just a year younger than my neice and they do like to hang out together but I've had to say no when my neice has phoned me asking can my dd go out of an evening with her round town. There's just no way that's happening.

Geegee84 Sat 18-Nov-17 15:42:55

What really ticked me off was when we were round at Dh's parents house recently and we were chatting and she said she doesn't think it's ok for parents to drink at home in front of your kids. Now me and my Dh work all week and we like a couple of glasses of wine of a Friday or Saturday evening. We don't get drunk in charge of our kids and think it's ok to have the odd drink in front of them as we want them to know it's ok to drink responsibly in moderation, when they're old enough of ofcourse. I just couldn't believe the nerve of her.

MrsJayy Sat 18-Nov-17 15:43:22

That is probably wise you don't want your dd brought home drunk I would tell your sil that you don't want her drinking at all, I don't think cool parenting works teenagers need boundries they need something to push back on .

MrsJayy Sat 18-Nov-17 15:45:46

Clothes imo are just clothes imo yes she might dress like an older girl but they are just clothes

Geegee84 Sat 18-Nov-17 15:46:40

Exactly. I can tell she just thinks I'm being precious over my dd's but so what if I am they're my dd's. I realise they will drink one day and that's fine but no way would I be happy if I were to find out they'd drank at this age and I certainly won't be buying hem alcohol even when they're old enough to.

MrsJayy Sat 18-Nov-17 15:46:44

Two Imo is to much 😕

Geegee84 Sat 18-Nov-17 15:47:41

Clothes wise I realise girls dress much younger these days but surely your backside should be covered and your boons shouldn't be hanging out of push up bra that clearly doesn't fit.

Dustbunny1900 Sat 18-Nov-17 16:04:14

Whoa, the alcohol 14?? That shocks me frankly. Over here you can get in serious trouble for buying alcohol for minors, Im talking like mandatory year in jail type stuff. And why would you want your very young teen whose brain hasnt fully developed to be getting drunk?? Maybe she needs someone to tell her how very bad for them it is.
As for the clothes, well that's their business and won't do permanent damage like getting drunk

FlowerPot1234 Sat 18-Nov-17 16:07:05

She's that parent, those children are those kind of young girls, and they're likely to grow up into that kind of woman. They'll not be a drop of respect from them or to them and it's all a sorry case of that kind of parenting.

mydogmymate Sat 18-Nov-17 16:09:31

Does she realise that she’s breaking the law by buying alcohol or under 18’s? And if they’re caught with drink they can be prosecuted? And it’s not “just clothes” as a pp said, it’s inappropriate for their age.

I would share your concerns OP, is there anyway you can talk to her about it?

Ttbb Sat 18-Nov-17 16:18:05

Tbf there is a difference between dressing like an older girl and dressing like a prostitue. I realise that many girls dress like that these days and that's five if there are old enough to understand what kind of impression their clothing creates but I really do think that st such a young age parents should guide their children so that they learn to dress smartly. The heavy drinking obviously poses a threat to her Dds developing brain and sets her up for bad habits, health problems and dangerous situations (like dui or alcohol poisoning). You are right to be concerned but I don't see what can be done about it. She clearly doesn't care about her children and it's not like you can have them put in your care so what is to be done?

WildBluebelles Sat 18-Nov-17 16:26:36

Really? She actually buys them vodka?

Geegee84 Sat 18-Nov-17 16:26:54

I'm not sure what can be done either to be honest. She's a qualified teacher so should know better and the impact this can have on her children. Her husband is the same though and will just hand over cash for a quiet life and doesn't seem to care. Don't get me wrong I'm sure they're loved and they are fed watered etc but it's like they think now they've got to a certain age they can take their eye off the ball and can't be doing with the hassle. I'm the opposite and I"lol "argue" with my dd until the cows come home if I don't agree with soemthing she wants to do, like going to a concert with her friend alone. Maybe in a couple of years but with the way the world is at the minute that just isn't going to happen.

Geegee84 Sat 18-Nov-17 16:28:53

Yeah I'm afraid she does. Her excuse is that if she allows her kids to drink "sensibly" then they won't be inclined to hide it and do it in secret. Now don't get me wrong I drink at home because I want to and I don't want to give my dd's the impression that the odd glass of wine here and there is bad but this is something completely different.

lunabear1 Sat 18-Nov-17 16:29:11

I drank at 14 and dressed inappropriately. I’m now a married homeowner and earn 37k a year (high by Nw standards) at 24 without a degree. So don’t start spouting about “that kind of woman”.

Whilst I’m not saying it’s a great thing teenagers will drink. Your girls will do it and you may never find out - mine never found out and never had reason to question it because I always was a high achiever at school.

Yeah your sister is a push over, but if her daughter is going to do it surely it’s better for her to buy it instead of your niece standing outside of a shop asking random men to. Atleast your sister will know what she’s drinking and how much she has. Like I said I’m not saying it’s great but I think you need to be realistic. I got myself into some right states but it’s made me a lot more streetwise compared to the few I know who never drank and started going out at 18.

Geegee84 Sat 18-Nov-17 16:31:54

But this isn't the case. My 14 year old neice is achieving in school, is always late, is constantly in detention etc and my 13 year old neice is on the verge of permanent exclusion. I'm not saying that everyone who drinks at a young age is scuppering their chances of a successful career or adult life but it's not good really is it.

Geegee84 Sat 18-Nov-17 16:32:17

Sorry that should have said my neice isn't achieving in school.

Geegee84 Sat 18-Nov-17 16:33:32

Oh, and my Sil doesn't have a clue how much she drinks. I mean yeah she knows she drank the vodka with her friends but my neice goes to parties afterwards and comes back well past midnight so I don't see how my Sil could know what's she's up to.

MrsJayy Sat 18-Nov-17 16:38:25

I don't think anybody buying a 14yr old vodka is a responsible adult i don't think it encourages sensible drinking or keeps them safe I think it is just giving them permission to get pissed which is what is happening here? Would you risk falling out with your inlaws if you challenged them OP

lunabear1 Sat 18-Nov-17 16:39:22

It’s nice that you’re worried OP. Im sorry my “kind of woman” comment was directed at another poster not you.

If I were you I’d be more concerned about the school situation. I was a high achiever throughout school as I said, as were all my friends and we all got up to no good so I don’t think the two necessarily go hand in hand.

I’d say your niece has identified your sister as a push over and is taking advantage.

mustbemad17 Sat 18-Nov-17 16:40:55

SiL or no SiL i'd be reporting her. The risk she is letting her DD's put themselves into is unbelievable

StickThatInYourPipe Sat 18-Nov-17 16:41:09

Just call socia services if you are concerned. I don’t think an argument about Who parents better is a good idea. Especially as she may know things that your dc also get up to but you are not aware of if your dn and dd chat.

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