Thinking that she's hardly a responsible parent

[Geegee84]

My Sil has three dd's who are 14,13 and 11. She's always been the type of parent to give them what they want and gives in all the time for and easy life. When kids are little it's hard work so I can understand a little but now they're older me and Dh are a little concerned about how lax she is regarding certain things. For instance she allows our 14 year old neice to drink. Now I know kids will do it eventually but my Sil actually goes out and buys her and her friends alcohol. My eldest dd is 13 is on snap chat (I supervise and check her account) and has on many occasions shown me pictures of my niece going on nights posing with a bottle of vodka dressed in skirts that practically show her backside hanging out and tops that barely contain her chest. Now don't get me wrong I know what teenagers are like especially girls but how is this acceptable?

My Sil the other night was on the phone to my Dh and my neice popped back to her house and was talking with my Sil in the background. Dh heard his neice mither his sister for more money as her and her friends wanted to get the train (miles away) to a party and they also needed to buy more alcohol. My Sil agreed and handed her another £20 (or at least that's what Dh said it sounded like she gave her) and off she went.

It's not just our eldest niece though. Our 13 year old neice has been brought home by the police a few weeks ago as she was over the park drunk with friends and had been causing trouble with some neighbour's. She's also having major problems at school and has absolutely no respect for anyone. She dresses like she is 18 and my Sil also allows my 11 year old neice to walk around wearing push up bras, belly tops that aren't really belly tops and are more like boob tubes and she lets her wear red lip stick and really short skirts.

I know I'll be told to mind my own business but it's concerning and quite frankly I can't get over how my Sil just doesn't seem to give a shit what he kids are up to, how they behave or what they wear.

Splinterz
Like I say, we used to have a sensible drink at 15 supervised by parents.
However, the SIL is irresponsible. She is still responsible for her child and instead of being a sensible adult she is enabling her daughter to live an unsafe lifestyle that puts early teen girls at risk.

If I taught those children and heard half of what's on here then i'd be raising concerns.

What concerns me is that thr SIL is a teacher. If she thinks this is acceptable then how many times has she failed to follow safeguarding procedures for her students who are involved in similarly risky behaviours.

Since the age of 14 I had let my oldest have ONE drink when we were having a social gathering or a celebration ie birthdays, Christmas, get-togethers. And by one drink I mean a can of fruity cider not spirits.

DD is now 19 and has been very drunk probably 3 or 4 times. She went off to uni last year and having had a taste of alcohol and freedom from me and the chance to go out with friends drinking once she was 18, she hasn't gone mental.

A friend of hers whose parents were extremely strict and wouldn't let her do anything has gone to uni and not only drunk so much she had to be hospitalised but has been trying class A drugs and has basically gone completely OTT. How she is managing to stay on top of her course work is a miracle.

I do think that allowing them to have the odd drink from the age of 14 is fine. But not spirits, not bought specifically for them, not buying it for friends and not unsupervised.

Your dn's are at risk of harm, at risk of being mugged, assaulted, run over, overdosing or having sex while under the influence. 14 is just far too young for that level of grown up responsibility given to her.

All you can do is report it to the child's school.

I feel sorry for these children, having such right on parents.

Of course she's an irresponsible mother.

The alcohol thing is shocking, but no sure what you can do about it.

However, I'm surprised to learn your SIL has a husband 6 posts in.

Is he the girl's father?

Worra - I usually like your posts, but do you think crap parenting falls purely under the remit of lone parents? Because that's what it sounds like?

MissFitton I think she might mean that the OP is blaming the mum 100% for all this and it turns out there is a father in the picture and he apparently bears no responsibility for all of this.

This is a weird thread, what with the 90% of all men are pedos stats as well.

Ah, fair enough Wild - I'm clearly being an oversensitive LP! Apologies Worra

Yes, thanks Wild that's exactly what I meant.

MissFitton, I genuinely thought there was no other parent on the scene as the OP is only blaming the mother.

If she is buying alcohol for her daughter and her daughter's friends, I'm pretty sure she can be charged for supplying underage children with alcohol. Call the police and SS.

MissFitton I think she might mean that the OP is blaming the mum 100% for all this and it turns out there is a father in the picture and he apparently bears no responsibility for all of this.

Why should we blame the father for the mother buying alcohol for 14 year old children?

This is a weird thread, what with the 90% of all men are pedos stats as well.

How does this fit into the thread?

MuseumOfCurry, a side note in relation to the risk of child sexual exploitation, just read back through the comments. If you still don't get it, read further back.

MuseumOfCurry, someone asked what the survey was which determined this statistic mentioned in a longer comment so I pasted it in. The original point was it being the Mother's job to protect her children and that just wearing makeup and drinking isn't the only thing such people will go for. I don't really want to go into this again as the thread has since moved on and it seems like you're just hoping to start some kind of random personal argument or something so it's unlikely I will check up on this thread again.

This is the other side of the coin. Maybe you could have a wee chat with each other.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3091566-To-wish-DSis-in-law-would-stop-criticising-MY-parenting

My dh's family wouldn't speak to me ever again if i spoke to school never mind social services.

They would not know who had called. You can remain anonymous.

Nothing good will happen to these girls if things continue as they are. Please report the parents.