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Who was bu?

(252 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

Neoflex Sat 04-Nov-17 18:21:40

Today was at a couples birthing course. Paid privately, 2 days. 12 couples and two single women who then paired up.
Of the 12 couples was a lesbian couple (one pregnant and her partner). The partner complained pretty early on in the course because the midwife referred to the "dads" She requested that only birthing partner be used in the course because she felt excluded.
The midwife explained that the course was a couples course and the dads are the fathers of the children and they should feel more than just birthing partners. That they shouldn't feel excluded either.
The midwife continued to use dads for the whole day.
The lesbian partner spent the whole day huffing and rolling her eyes.
Her pregnant partner looked pretty overwhelmed by the whole experience.
Who was being unreasonable?

Inkandbone Sat 04-Nov-17 18:22:48

The midwife.

MrTrebus Sat 04-Nov-17 18:23:19

She was BU and the midwife was right but you'll get a load of people saying for the sake of political correctness she should have used some ridiculous phrase each time instead of Dad.

ButchyRestingFace Sat 04-Nov-17 18:23:54

Why couldn't the midwife just have referred to "the other parent"?

Slartybartfast Sat 04-Nov-17 18:24:04

Sounds like they should have respected lesbian woman wish but they should have changed their wording

ILoveMillhousesDad Sat 04-Nov-17 18:24:26

Could she not have just said partners confused

buckeejit Sat 04-Nov-17 18:24:41

The midwife, VVU

Slartybartfast Sat 04-Nov-17 18:24:57

The midwife was unreasonable

Unreasonableunreasonableness Sat 04-Nov-17 18:25:18

I actually think that the instructor was. By using dads she excluded a number of people there. Using birthing partner would have meant all are included.
Why are the soon to be dads now important than the soon to be mum?

Inkandbone Sat 04-Nov-17 18:25:39

As a lesbian couple there are many "ordinary" things you are excluded from.

A pregnant woman won't necessarily have the father of her child by her side as she gives birth. Some women are single. Some elicit to have their mum or a friend.

BatteredBreadedOrSouthernFried Sat 04-Nov-17 18:26:14

The midwife was obviously UR and being deliberately hurtful when they could easily have said partner after being told that someone was feeling excluded. It’s called being a nice person.

Inkandbone Sat 04-Nov-17 18:26:44

Actually, why were single women paying for a couple course? confused

MissMooMoo Sat 04-Nov-17 18:26:48

Why couldnt she say 'dads and partners'?

EB123 Sat 04-Nov-17 18:27:17

The midwife. She should just say partner.

NC4now Sat 04-Nov-17 18:28:08

Partners would have been more appropriate. The MW was BU.

ShapelyBingoWing Sat 04-Nov-17 18:28:40

I think it's weird that the midwife didn't use 'partners' anyway given two single mums had paired up too.

greendale17 Sat 04-Nov-17 18:29:01

The woman was BU

Am sick of this political correctness rubbish. It takes a man and a woman to make a baby.

BenLui Sat 04-Nov-17 18:29:42

5 Dads and one female partner and the midwife thought the men would feel excluded?

I would have thought the midwife could have dealt much better with that, it can’t be the first time it’s come up.

Inkandbone Sat 04-Nov-17 18:30:28

Not to deliver it, though greendale

BenLui Sat 04-Nov-17 18:31:06

greendale but they weren’t learning how to make babies in the class. They were learning how to give birth.

ijustwannadance Sat 04-Nov-17 18:31:48

Partner would've been fine.

BatteredBreadedOrSouthernFried Sat 04-Nov-17 18:31:50

It takes a man and a woman to make a baby.

It wasn’t a conception course.

Athome77 Sat 04-Nov-17 18:33:03

I have taught birth classes and always used birth partners as several women had friends or mums or new partner- male who wasn’t dad with them. On one course I had the woman, bio dad and woman’s new boyfriend, birth partner was just much easier.

BabyDreams2018 Sat 04-Nov-17 18:34:14

The Woman from the couple was being Unreasonable. The MW could have said Dad or Birthing Partner each time but it is a bit long winded to spend the day doing that.

NoSquirrels Sat 04-Nov-17 18:34:52

Midwife 100% unreasonable, even by her own logic she was homophobic towards the lesbian parent-to-be.

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