This is a Premium feature
To use this feature subscribe to Mumsnet Premium - get first access to new features see fewer ads, and support Mumsnet.Start using Mumsnet Premium
Page 4 | At what age did you start enjoying your DC?(119 Posts)
I have 2 DD's (DD1 is 2yrs and DD2 is 2mths) and I obviously love them to pieces but after having DD2 I've realized I don't really enjoy the baby stage much at all. Feeding, sleepless nights etc. I don't enjoy them depending on me for their every need and I find myself daydreaming about DD1 being a few years older and being able to watch movies with her and having more conversation etc
Just wondered what age you started to really enjoy your DC or have you just loved every minute from the newborn stage and I'm just a selfish, shit mum!
Life begins when the youngest one is 3
IME it comes and goes. I've enjoyed the phases birth to 3 months, 15m-3 years, and then age 7+. DS is 9 and I haven't started to find it stressful again yet but we'll see as the hormones start flying. Of course all children are different and some might have more challenging phases than others but IME it's normal for there to be periods which are harder to enjoy or feel like a drag.
I liked the new born baby bit the best. Loved changing, dressing, feeding the lot. Growing up as a child I was inseparable from my baby dolls and having a real life one was the dream for me.
Hated the baby stage. Tiring, relentless and both hard work and mundane and the same time. Found it marginally easier second time as I knew things would change. Enjoy toddler but still tiring (actually isn't most of parenthood?) but find it gets better and better the older they get! I've got a 7 year old and 2.5 year old. But you couldn't pay me to have a third!
We are all different aren't we?
Not properly until they're about 3 - potty trained, communicative, can entertain themselves a bit and just generally easier and less relentless to be with. Before that, there's bits I enjoy but endure most of the rest
Hated the baby stage, started enjoying a bit more from 1 onwards and honestly have enjoyed them more and more as they have got older (now pre teens and pretty great!)
Nice to see I'm not the only one who feels like this!
I don't actually feel my family is complete and would love a 3rd way in the future but then I think, shit, why would I do that to myself all over again? I just don't feel the reward that a lot of mothers feel. I'm not one to gaze in my baby's eyes at 3am when I've been woken for the 4th time and think 'ahh you're just lovely' I genuinely don't know how people are like that? Wish I was.
My posts are coming across a bit 'woe is me'. I can assure you I adore my kids and am super thankful for them..but I find motherhood exceptionally hard, it doesn't come natural to me at all and I really am quite selfish. I want them both in bed so I can put my feet up, watch shit on the TV and eat crap.
Mine were only 14 months apart and I had two c sections. Also dc1 didn't sleep though until dc2 was born then he didn't sleep for at least year.
Absolutely love them. Love them love them.
But I am hoping soon I am going to get s 'yipee... This is great moment' they are nearly three and four.
I only have one - we want more - but I have actually vaguely wondered in the past whether having several kids in different stages kind of helps because you end up with the variety. It's likely that at least ONE of them will be in an enjoyable stage - right?! Plus, you can notice which parts are hard about each stage and appreciate the lack of that in the other DC in different stages.
I have also heard many people say that the first year with two is utter hell and that then it gets better.
I've done the 3am gazing - but night wakings are not a part which bother me about parenting. But you're probably good at things that I find hard! I like playing much, much less than I ever expected to and I feel guilty about that. I despise cooking all the time, find that so boring. I see lots of people saying that they adored their children when they were four and yet for me that was one of the hardest, most relentless years.
Also, I think parenting makes us all feel more selfish than we thought we were, less patient than we thought we were, less understanding that we thought we were. This is just because small children are extremely demanding in terms of how much they need from you, how much patience and how much understanding. So you can be a lovely kind person who prides yourself on these things but it will never actually be enough to fulfil every single moment of a toddler!
IME the happiest parents seem to be the ones who don't have the expectation that they'll get everything right all the time and instead expect to fuck it up quite a lot so just treat it more haphazardly, also those who tend to share this attitude with their partner and share the load quite a lot too.
I like little babies but then 1-3 is purgatory. I love them but hate the lifestyle that comes with that age. 3 onward I have just gradually enjoyed them more and more. I didn't realise so much with the first, but then with no2 thought, oh no...this bit again!
Found the baby stage hard, the toddler stage less so as I wasn't as tired. Four - six were great. Seven, nearly eight is hard work as there seems to be constant challenging behaviour and arguing. I'm hoping eight - nine is going to be better again!
From about 3, I never want to repeat those first three years again! He's 4 now and he's awesome. It helped when he started to talk and string sentences together
I have one child and another due next year. Pregnancy and me really don't get on. I find it physically very hard and then I had terrible PND which pretty much wiped out any enjoyment in the first 18 months of DDs life, especially the squidgy baby phase. I found 2 and 3 very demanding but I guess I was recovering myself and also working which I found hard but now she's 4, I love being a mother. It's just all slotted into place. She's always been an amazing kid, I've always loved her but now for the first time I feel like I'm on top of it and I'm winning. I'm really hoping I have a different experience with the imminent one. Definitely going to do all I can to try and make that feeling happen sooner
Not a fan of the baby stage. I was completely overwhelmed and so exhausted I couldnt enjoy anything. DS is now 20mo and utterly exhausting but also amazing. Won't lie I am looking forward to 3+ though
With my eldest he was 5 and at school before I really enjoyed being a mum.
Partly I had been so unprepared for the relentlessness of having a little person so dependent on me.
Secondly he is likely high functioning ASD/ADHD (only now age nearly 13 he is being assessed) and he was very hard work always. I was quite a strict no nonsense mother but nothing seemed to work with him - he was just on another wavelength. I loved him dearly always but for a long time I had the feeling of "what have I done?"
My youngest is 3 and I've just about loved every minute even though she was a very fractious baby and naughty toddler. I knew what I was doing by then, really appreciated having her (long term secondary infertility) and she's much easier to fathom.
I'd say around 1.5 she got truly brilliant. Now she's 2.5 and if I'd known how great they get I wouldn't have been so stressed at the baby stage!
I enjoyed the 0-24 months bit.
After that mostly enjoyed but mainly endured.
I adored the baby months, but when they got old enough to start arguing with me.....that's when the relentlessness began.
I'm nearly 2 years in and I have to say, although I adore my dd I'm looking forward to the same things as the OP; baking together, snuggling on the sofa, talking about things rather than just running herd and trying to stop her killing herself! DH and I have always said we wanted 2, and I really still do, but I am not looking forward to the newborn and early toddler years
I have actually vaguely wondered in the past whether having several kids in different stages kind of helps because you end up with the variety
I see what you're saying but I find your parenting happiness is tied to the lowest common denominator. So if you have, say, a 7 year old a 5 year old and a 2 year old, you still have to supervise/wipe arse of the 2 year old 24/7 so you don't really get the full benefit of the 7&5 year old becoming increasingly independent.
However, I'm also aware of the "little kids, little problems, big kids, big problems" adage so it's highly possible my Waterloo is in front of me.
Currently going through the newborn phase for the first time.. it’s enough to put me off ever having more children. I love my son completely but I look forward to when he less dependent on me. I do try to enjoy the 24 hour snuggle fests. I think your feelings are completely normal
'I want them both in bed so I can put my feet up, watch shit on the TV and eat crap.'
Well, yeah, us too!
After a 12 hour shift with two kids I'm ready for some me time by 7 pm!
@oldlaundbooth us too! I never understand (not saying it's wrong or right but for us) parents who let their really young kids go to bed when they want. I know one lady who has a DD same age as mine (18m) who lets her child go to bed with her at 10pm ish because they bedshare and if she tries to get her to bed earlier she kicks off and is grumpy. No shit, she's tired! Fuck that - come half six ish my DD is in bed (she's ready by then) and it's grown up time.