Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

At what age did you start enjoying your DC?

118 replies

StrawberryMummy90 · 14/10/2017 20:54

I have 2 DD's (DD1 is 2yrs and DD2 is 2mths) and I obviously love them to pieces but after having DD2 I've realized I don't really enjoy the baby stage much at all. Feeding, sleepless nights etc. I don't enjoy them depending on me for their every need and I find myself daydreaming about DD1 being a few years older and being able to watch movies with her and having more conversation etc

Just wondered what age you started to really enjoy your DC or have you just loved every minute from the newborn stage and I'm just a selfish, shit mum!

OP posts:
PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 14/10/2017 21:20

I loved the baby stage (after I had recovered from c-section). I have chronic pain so struggle with my nearly 2yo at the moment. I don't think I would enjoy it with 2 at the age you gave them as a toddler is quite demanding in a different way a 2yo is

Bonelessbanquet · 14/10/2017 21:21

I'm due DC2 in Feb, I'm so excited but I really dislike the baby stage. My DD is 8 and she's amazing, I've loved parenting since she was around 3.

IrritatedUser1960 · 14/10/2017 21:24

My own DS is 35 now and I'm just about enjoying him Smile but seriously my niece and nephew have just turnd 6 and are great fun, before that I was not interested.
Babies are boring.

ElphabaTheGreen · 14/10/2017 21:24

The first time I really, genuinely enjoyed ‘every second’ of DS1 wasn’t until he was four years old. Loved him to my bones, of course, but time spent with him prior to that was half spent wishing for my bed and silence. He’s now five, largely delightful and relatively low maintenance.

DS2 is now three. I don’t want to wish his babyhood away but I’m still waiting to get to that stage of unadulterated enjoyment with him. He makes me laugh more than DS1 ever has, but he’s bloody hard work and I still can’t take my eyes off him for a second. He is also taking a rather lackadaisical attitude towards potty training which isn’t earning him brownie points. Hmm

I will most assuredly not be having a third. Cannot/will not do baby/toddler again.

Crunchymum · 14/10/2017 21:25

From 6 weeks until about a year has been my favourite time..... Blush

ElizabethShaw · 14/10/2017 21:25

Love having a newborn/baby. My 7 year old is bloody hard work sometimes though! I think it comes in phases.

CoffeeBreakIn5 · 14/10/2017 21:27

With DS1 it wasn't until he was about 2.5 that I started to enjoy things with him and that was because DS2 was born and the newborn stage really doesn't come naturally to me. They're older now and I enjoy things with them more easily, when I look back on their babyhood I do feel that I enjoyed it even though it didn't seem like much fun at the time. I miss them as babies sometimes! But I'm enjoying them more easily now that they're able to do more.

You're not selfish. I struggled with DS1 as a baby, I had PND diagnosed with DS2 and I suspect that this was actually from DS1 I just didn't do anything about it. Not enjoying the baby stuff doesn't make you selfish or a bad mother - it makes you human. No one enjoys sleep deprivation. Being maternal doesn't mean that you have to enjoy every second, enjoying and appreciating are 2 very different things.

I think some of your friends are probably feeling the same way but feel unable to admit they're not having the time of their lives. I was lucky in that one of the baby groups I went to there was a great group of really realistic and honest mums. We'd have frank discussions about the things we found so hard and we even set up a bit of a support for each other through the week - so every Tuesday morning we'd help each other out with child care to have chance to wander the shops, have legs waxed etc. The other group I went to were totally the opposite, it was all farting rainbows and cupcakes. I knew the truth, they knew the truth, but none of them would admit that they had even one bad day or night.

You can appreciate your children without enjoying every second, it doesn't make you any less of a parent.

HotelEuphoria · 14/10/2017 21:32

10

GhostCurry · 14/10/2017 21:34

You're grand OP. I don't like babies, don't like holding them really, don't think of them as "cuddly". They just lie there.

Age 2 is ok, but 3 onwards is better. You have plenty of years yet to be maternal. People go on and on about the baby years. It's stupid. Children are for the rest of your life!

Starlight2345 · 14/10/2017 21:35

I loved the baby stage.. I always loved babies and was worried I would get bored after baby stage..I found every stage is different..Every stage had something to learn , something which was a challenge.

Do not beat yourself up for not been a baby person. They are hard work.

OCSockOrphanage · 14/10/2017 21:36

I adored my child from birth but like him as a person more and more the older he becomes. We are similar in temperament (difficult).

Tatiana1986 · 14/10/2017 21:41

Hated being pregnant, giving birth and the first year following the birth was just one long day, which I hated.

I certainly coped better between the ages 1-3 but truly started enjoying her company after she turned 3. Loved her the minute I held her for the first time but wouldn't want to go through all of this again.

minipie · 14/10/2017 21:42

I've enjoyed bits of every stage - except for the first 6 months which couldn't go fast enough.

However the point where there is more good than bad has happened around 18 months. Maybe a bit earlier for DC2 who is a sunnier character than DC1.

Both shocking sleepers till 2.5 which has massively affected how much I enjoy the early months and years.

ineverbakecakes · 14/10/2017 21:43

I've loved it all. Ironic given I was convinced having kids would be hellish, and delayed it until there was pretty much no time left on the clock. Perhaps that it why. My expectations were very low.

LilyMcClellan · 14/10/2017 21:48

Babyhood had lovely moments but overall, given the choice, I’d start at around 3.5 years. My DS is just five and he’s great company now. He has his moments, but he’s generally awesome. My DD is not yet 3.5 and she’s so much better than she used to be, although still has quite a few sulks and tantrums.

Nissandriver · 14/10/2017 21:55

I absolutely loved the new born/baby stage. Toddler stage not so much. 18 months plus is hard work. Love my little one to bits and am hoping as others have said it's a phase and things will get easier as she gets older. Don't beat yourself up, we're all different and have different experiences.

SansaClegane · 14/10/2017 22:04

Mine are 3 (nearly 4), 6 and 8 now. I just did our weekly 'movie night' with the older two and yes I really do enjoy that, and them. They're old enough to share books and films with and are developing their own personalities, so it's really fun to interact with them. Youngest DC is also great and whilst I enjoy his wicked sense of humour, I don't so much enjoy the tantrums that still happen over important things like not having the 'right' piece of cutlery (apparently some spoons are better than others).
I did really like the baby stage and the snuggliness of it all; but I can honestly say I don't miss the sleep deprivation and how hard and relentless it felt at times. I think once they hit 3/4 you can do so much more with them and you get to be your own person again.

dietcokeandwine · 14/10/2017 22:07

Everyone has different stages that they find hard OP.

I genuinely and honestly loved from birth to a year with all 3 of mine. I then found the 1-3 stage really, really hard and can't say that I enjoyed them at that stage at all. I always feel sorry for parents with toddlers; cute they might be but the stress and monotony vastly outweigh the cuteness IME!

I've then really enjoyed ages 3-7 with DS1 and DS2, and currently loving it with DS3. 7-11 is also good fun. 11+ has been more of a challenge, I do enjoy it but it's missing the pleaser I've experienced in those 'middle childhood' years.

If I could sum up my experience of parenthood so far (eldest is 13) I'd say it gets physically easier but mentally harder the older your DC get. The early years of broken sleep, hoiking car seats and buggies and screaming toddlers about, are exhausting, but there isn't the mental stress of are they happy/achieving/doing well at school/coping with social pressures etc.

CredulousThickos · 14/10/2017 22:08

I’m one of those weirdos who loves the newborn stage. My favourite bit is the preschool years, and then I go off them a bit. I’ve recently realised that teenagers are pretty cool, in a very different way from 5-11 year olds. Although ds2 is now six and still in the cute stage, mainly because we baby him.

So basically I am Earth Mother while they’re tiny, a bit shit while they’re annoying and school age, and I love them again when they can join in with adult conversation and I can freely swear around them.

dietcokeandwine · 14/10/2017 22:09

Pleasure not pleaser

CredulousThickos · 14/10/2017 22:11

As someone said upthread, I think low expectations helps. I have much younger siblings so I had no illusions about life with babies, I just got the arse with them as they hit middle childhood, and then can relate more now they are proper people.

YouTheCat · 14/10/2017 22:12

I have never been a baby person, even with my own. I looked after them, fed them, winded them and all that stuff. I attempted to be maternal whilst not having a clue.

Much more fun when they start to be interested in dinosaurs and think you know everything.

I was being terribly flippant before and do actually like my grown up kids.

wendz86 · 14/10/2017 22:12

I'm enjoying my 6 year old a lot more recently. She just seems to have got a bit easier. She was always on the go before and needed entertaining all the time. My youngest has always been a lot more laid back and easier. She is 2 now and is very cute despite the tantrums occasionally.

Callamia · 14/10/2017 22:14

I loved my first when I stopped being so anxious. I really loved being with him around 18m on.

I'm struggling a bit with the tiny baby stage second time, because I have no time to sit about and snuggle - there's nursery runs, dinners, and bedtimes to contend with. I feel sorry for him, but he spends a lot of the day asleep in a sling so maybe he doesn't know that I don't think he's getting all the snuggles.

CigarsofthePharoahs · 14/10/2017 22:15

Ds1 was an incredibly easy baby. I was rather overwhelmed by parenthood, but at 8 weeks old he gave me a proper smile and I enjoyed him!
Then he turned three and was a proper little git. Toddler years were easy with him, but 3 - my goodness. Hellish. Didn't help I was due #2 and was suffering.
He only really got enjoyable again once he'd been at school a while. He's nearly 7 now and is amazing. Sweet, kind, funny.
My youngest didn't believe in sleep. He put me through hell till he was 3.
It's funny, it's as if I love him more for all the difficulty we went through. No sleep, bottle refuser, difficult with weaning, hated being put down and upchucked several times a day.
Now he's three…
He sleeps, was late potty training, but suddenly just 'got' it and was then 100% dry.
He's enjoyable now. Cuddly, sweet, plays with his brother.
I actually miss all the co-sleeping. I'm mad. I really am.