To feel utterly enraged that my children & myself have not been mentioned in my in-laws will

[ThespianTendencies]

OK, bit of background. Was married for 18 years, husband was a controlling, bullying (functioning) alcoholic. WE had two children - he died 7 yrs ago as a result of a stupor during which he fell and sustained a fatal head injury leaving me with our two children - then aged 3 and 12. Our life was far from idyllic - in fact at times it was hell on earth and I got little or no support from his family as they were in denial. All through the awful trauma and grief of his death I maintained contact and have done up until both of their deaths; my Mother in law died in March this year. I made sure we always visited - my children had a lovely relationship with them both, as did I - albeit at a distance as they lived some miles away and it was often difficult with school and such like to get to see them. When dh died I moved home with my children to be near my family. My FIL visited us twice and my MIL never, she is afraid of motorways and fast driving. I made sure we visited when we could and called every 1-2 weeks. They had a daughter, my sis in law. She ran away with their married neighbour causing chaos, she got married abroad without inviting them. She never had children and was prone to shutting herself off form them (her parents) when she felt the need. it transpires that she is the only named beneficiary in the will and was verbally told by her Mum to 'help us out' now and then. I am so fuming and upset about this. I cannot believe that they would not name us - well my children in particular. They lost their Dad, their Grandad (both Grandads actually) and their Nana and now they have not even been left with a single penny other than that my SIL chooses to give us!!! AIBU??? I never remarried, never traumatised the children further than they already had been. I maintained contact wth the in-laws, for all the right reasons and they (and me) have been totally omitted.

[Hoppinggreen]

It would have been nice for them to mention their GC in their will but they left their possessions to their daughter, which is not unusual.
My GP left everything to my Aunts and uncle but we weren't close and I didn't expect anything. DH was very close to his GP and saw them mist days but even they didn't leave him anything specific.

[StillDrivingMeBonkers]

Sorry Op - I wouldn't leave you any money if you were my DIL. That's the way the cookie crumbles. You sound very greedy and grabby.

I suppose, depending on how much insurance you got for your husbands death, your in laws might see your children as well provided for, but their own daughter isn't.

Personally I'd leave your husband's 50% in trust until the bairns reach 21 - but no, you wouldn't be benefitting from my money.

I cant see that all the bereavements on your side of the family have anything to do with your In laws - you have inherited from them, yes?

[ThespianTendencies]

What is bugging me is that my SIL has been left with a massive house, all the money etc and she is a spinster living alone with 2 sausage dogs yet I am a widowed Mum to two looking after everyone and everything else. I have never had a cross word with my in-laws. Now I am beholden to my sis in law as she holds all the pursestrings.

[Whiskwarrior]

Utterly enraged?

Blimey...

[Boredbeforeievenbegan]

They left everything to their one surviving child? YABU.

[Mothervulva]

Well it's a shame she hasn't left anything to her grandchildren.
YABU for Calling her a 'spinster'.

[ILoveDolly]

Sorry some people are like this about 'blood'. It would have been nice if she'd left some to the children but it was left to her only surviving child which is pretty normal

[Whiskwarrior]

A spinster with sausage dogs?

Erm...okay then.

[RainbowPastel]

You haven't said how much you and your children are missing them just how much you expected from them. Very grabby.

[Mupflup]

Spinster? Nice. YABU.

[MorrisZapp]

Spinster and sausage dogs?

Over egged I feel.

[Whiskwarrior]

Today, on MN, I've seen 'bimbo' and now 'spinster'.

Have I gone through a time warp?

[ThespianTendencies]

They adored their grandchildren. They know I have struggled to maintain things for us but I have done everything possible to ensure that our relationships are still strong and that my children are raised to the best of my ability withhold strong links to their Daddy's parents. I feel very let down.

[bigchris]

Hopefully she'll leave her nieces or nephews something? Are you close to her, take the kids to see her ?

[Wheelerdeeler]

You're not beholden- expect nothing. You have no right to anything???

[Whiskwarrior]

Morris, my thoughts too.

[AwfulSomething]

Actually I am with you on this OP. YANBU.

[AnyFucker]

Why are you "beholden" to your SIL

Just walk away from the money. It was never yours.

[1234hello]

Well I think YADNBU. I would feel the same.

[RandomMess]

You could probably challenge the will on behalf of the DC...

There are specialist firms out there who would advise how likely they would be to gain anything from it.

Under the circumstances you describe I would be very hurt on the behalf of my DC. Although I guess I don't expect to inherit anything so it's not something I've thought about? Parents and in-laws both crap and not involved!

[Whiskwarrior]

No engaging with anyone, just continues with the narrative.

Yep. Live one.

[bigchris]

I'm sorry for your loss but it easnttheir fault you married and stayed with a bully

[busyboysmum]

How can she be a spinster if she got married abroad?

[mumeeee]

My parents left everything to their children. They didn't leave anything to spouses/partners or their grandchildren. This is completely normal and not one person complained

[Doyoumind]

OP I agree it wasn't right of them not to leave your dc something in the will. Not sure you should have expected something yourself though. Perhaps you should maintain a good relationship with SIL. After all she could name your dc in her own will so that they benefit later on.