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AIBU to be really upset with SIL?

(169 Posts)
WarwickAlice Sat 13-May-17 23:15:37

DH and I are expecting our first baby in September. My SIL rang DH tonight to tell him she has just found she is 5 months pregnant and didn't realise. The child is due less than a week after ours. I'm so angry and upset. SIL is her parents' favourite and she and her other child are treated like golden balls. My heart breaks for my husband. This will be his first baby and yet his mum and dad's attention will now be squarely on the other one, and our child will be constantly overshadowed for its whole life. Call me selfish, but just once - just this once - I was looking forward to the attention being on us, when it's always on golden balls. I am meant to see his family tomorrow but I'm so upset I may cancel. Is there anyone else who understands my hurt, or AIBU?

neonrainbow Sat 13-May-17 23:17:14

Youre being really selfish and childish. It's not as if she planned it.

WarwickAlice Sat 13-May-17 23:18:36

Thanks for your understanding. Like I said, I'm actually really hurt about what's happened.

hazeydays14 Sat 13-May-17 23:19:00

YABU because if she's due a week after you she hardly planned it to steal your thunder did she..

Iamcheeseman Sat 13-May-17 23:19:04

Unless you both openly discuss your sex life it's not like she waited for you to get pregnant then tried to steal your thunder is it! How was she to know you were both going to get pregnant at the same time.
You are being harsh to be upset with her over it!

Astro55 Sat 13-May-17 23:20:06

Yes it happened to me too!

SIL did go into have a golden child at the expense of my own - we stopped contact eventually because it was just hurtful- MIL would float about GC doing X Y Z bit ignored anyone's else's achievements -

Take some deep breaths and ignore

Sugarformyhoney Sat 13-May-17 23:20:12

Attention and happiness aren't finite- they can be duplicated without being diluted.
Yabvu this is a baby you have coming not a family attraction.

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Sat 13-May-17 23:20:12

I get you I really do.
Been there myself.
On the plus side she is never going to be the mil from hell interfering with your baby. .
For this I am sure lots of mners will envy you. .
You baby will have you and dh. .
Gps aren't a necessity to a fabulous dc. .
Enjoy and smile knowing sil is stuck with her. .

AnathemaPulsifer Sat 13-May-17 23:20:14

What do you think she should do about it?!

Squishedstrawberry4 Sat 13-May-17 23:20:14

Your problem is with the parents and not the SIL.

I think you have to let your anger go and try and forgive the parents. Accept that they are crap and concentrate on what's right in your life. The less you care, the less bitterness will swallow you up. The bitterness will only effect your life. No one else's.

thefemaleJoshLyman Sat 13-May-17 23:20:23

YPROBABLYABU but... I was in a similar position with both my pregnancies, it really upset me, especially as I had a miscarriage prior to my first pregnancy. So you can feel sad but don't let it spoil your pregnancy and you and youreally DH'so excitement.

tiktok Sat 13-May-17 23:20:51

Eh? Are you being serious?

What about your parents in this?

Happyfeet1972 Sat 13-May-17 23:21:20

It sounds like it's your PIL you should be upset with..your SIL hasn't technically done anything wrong

SquinkiesRule Sat 13-May-17 23:21:58

I understand you worrying your child will be second fiddle. Why not make your parents the main grandparents and let the in laws be second fiddle too.
Your Dh will probably be used to it, don't let them make your child not feel special, avoid them when it will be all focus on the other kids and be with your parents instead.

BarbarianMum Sat 13-May-17 23:22:17

I do understand it. No-one wants to play second fiddle and I certainly wouldn't want my children to be treated like second class citizens. But YABU to blame your SiL for a situation she didnt create - the blame lies squarely with your inlaws. Maybe you would feel better if you reduced contact with them to a minimum?

PurpleDaisies Sat 13-May-17 23:22:36

I could understand this if she was pregnant and you wanted to be but weren't.

You must know deep down that you're being unreasonable? Have a grump at home and get it out of your system before you see her.

Sugarformyhoney Sat 13-May-17 23:22:38

Also- I got pg the same time as my SIL who threw a tantrum because she wanted to be a special snowflake. My pregnancy literally had no bearing on her decision to have a child. She wasn't even on my radar and I'm sure your SIL is the same

NapQueen Sat 13-May-17 23:22:52


mimishimmi Sat 13-May-17 23:23:14


Reow Sat 13-May-17 23:23:24

Wtf. Reverse?

WarwickAlice Sat 13-May-17 23:23:28

I know she didn't plan it, but it doesn't make it any less painful. I am just so hurt. His family are a strange bunch and I just know that our baby will now always be second best in their eyes and it just breaks my heart

chopsticky Sat 13-May-17 23:24:07

You can be (irrationally) angry at the situation but not at your SIL, it's not like she planned it. You need to get a grip TBH.

PurpleDaisies Sat 13-May-17 23:24:50

Why don't you wait for them to actually do something wrong before you're angry at them?

DuggeeHugs Sat 13-May-17 23:25:16

If you need to feel upset with anyone, feel upset with your PIL for their unfairness to your DH.

Pregnancy is a lottery at the best of times and if SIL's only just found out then she could probably do with support rather than upset.

I'm sorry you're upset though, it sounds like there's a lot of history here which is feeding into your disappointment flowers

StatelessPrincess Sat 13-May-17 23:25:58

You're about to become a parent, get a grip and grow it your SIL'S fault she's the favourite? No. Did she get pregnant deliberately to outshine you? No. Your anger is misplaced and unjustified.

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