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AIBU?

To tell him the heating makes me ill?

82 replies

Doglikeafox · 30/04/2017 09:00

I'm sure this will seem really trivial to some but it has actually upset me quite a bit. My OH is usually very reasonable, really understanding, etc etc and just a great guy... which is what makes me post here today because in our relationship, it is usually me being unreasonable!
So, ever since I was a child my mum has observed that the central heating has an effect on me. Specifically, when left on overnight or put on whilst I'm still asleep in the morning. If she did ever have to put it on, she would have to put cups of water on top of the radiator to stop my room from drying out too much. If she didn't, I would wake up with streaming eyes, a blocked nose, a sore throat, hoarse voice etc and it would take several hours for the symptoms to disappear.
This wasn't really much of an issue when I moved in with my partner because we were a bit skint and our house is naturally very warm, so we haven't really had the heating on much. I have mentioned it in passing before, to which he has replied that I'm bonkers and the heating can't possibly do that. A few times last winter, he would turn the heating on overnight and turn it off just before I woke up, to 'test me' IMO, but he says not. Every single time I woke up feeling ill and asked if the heating had been on. Eventually we had a big argument over it, he seemed to see sense, and stopped doing it (why leave the heating on overnight anyway?!). This was made easier by the fact that he no longer has to get up early for work, so isn't getting cold in the mornings.
Anyway, today, I wake up feeling really rotten, sweaty, ill, can barely speak etc. I go and check if the heating is on and it is. I called OH and said, really friendly and calmly, 'babe can we please not leaving the heating on? I feel like crap' for him to say 'it isn't the heating that makes you feel that way'. We then had an argument where he continued to insist that it was nothing to do with the heating, I was wrong etc.
I'm not annoyed that he left the heating on but I am really annoyed that something I have observed (and my mum!) about my body my entire life he is now telling me is a load of bollocks. Even with the proof that it is the first time the heating has been on whilst I'm asleep.... and I've woken up quite obviously ill!
I know it's a really trivial matter in the scheme of things, and that I'll be fine in a few hours but I am honestly quite upset about the fact that OH thinks it's OK to laugh at me over this, making me out to be a bit of an idiot when he can't possibly know if he's right.
For background, OH does not work in any scientific/central heating/health related field.

OP posts:
Cocklodger · 30/04/2017 09:02

YANBU. I have a rare (so doctors tell me) intolerance.
No one has ever believed me without trying to "test" it, or without me having to spend weeks convincing them I'm not bullshitting.
I don't think you're intolerant btw(that's generally food specific), just saying I kind of sympathise

ScarletForYa · 30/04/2017 09:03

Why don't you just turn off the radiator in your room!?

If not get a humidifier.

LindyHemming · 30/04/2017 09:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VerySadInside · 30/04/2017 09:04

This sounds like some weird psychological thing and your mum has given you issues by telling you this when you were a kid. I don't think it's possible to be allergic to central heating unless it's on insanely high.

What do you do in hotels/ b&bs/ staying with friends?

Personally I have it off at night and windows open but that's just for comfort.

NancyDonahue · 30/04/2017 09:04

He's an idiot. Is he generally quite controlling?

HorraceTheOtter · 30/04/2017 09:05

He's being a twat. Heating at night does this to me too. Can't he just wear pyjamas and get dressed by a plug in oil heater? The testing you is a cunts behaviour, I would be deeply unimpressed.

NavyandWhite · 30/04/2017 09:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Renaissance2017 · 30/04/2017 09:06

It's a catch 22 situation. It makes you ill but he's obviously feeling cold, so neither condition is conducive to well being.

TheMasterNotMargarita · 30/04/2017 09:06

It's totally a thing.
I've been like this since childhood also. Not to the same extent but I wake up with a blocked nose and headache.
Have discussed with hcps who also acknowledge it.
Make sure the house is well ventilated too, that will help.
Next time he's ill tell him you don't believe him and there's no such thing.

HorraceTheOtter · 30/04/2017 09:07

In my case it's neither psychological or an allergy. I think I just get utterly dried out by having the heating on while I'm asleep, it makes me feel like I have an awful hangover. I solved the hotel issue by being to skint to stay in them...

TheMasterNotMargarita · 30/04/2017 09:07

And buy him a hot water bottle.

VivienneWestwoodsKnickers · 30/04/2017 09:07

No, I'm the same and it's not psychological. Radiator off, window open. Same at friends houses.

Hotels make me sick. Hospitals are awful, make me feel so queasy in the heat in minutes.

ShowOfHands · 30/04/2017 09:08

It's quite common isn't it?

We're all the same. Central heating overnight leaves us with headaches, sore throats, stuffy noses etc. We never have it on at night.

ellenraelambert · 30/04/2017 09:08

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

gamerchick · 30/04/2017 09:08

Yep turn the radiator off in your room and buy a humidifier. There are ways around it.

Then he doesn't have to freeze and you are more comfortable.

usernumbernine · 30/04/2017 09:09

My ex used to do the opposite of this. If I get cold I struggle to function. I have arthritis and the cold makes it hard to move, I ache everywhere and I feel like crying. He used to turn the heating off/
Down and didn't allow me to have it any higher than 15 decrees c.

I used to be sitting with 4 layers like the Michelin man and a blanket and in complete agony and he wouldn't let me put it on.

He's a cock. Row about it tell him and if he doesn't stop doing it, get rid of him. Massively disrespectful and uncaring.

CaptainHarville · 30/04/2017 09:11

I get the same thing if heating is left on overnight though not as severely as you.

Why are you with someone who, doesn't believe you, doesn't trust your judgment and doesn't appear to care if they make you ill? It doesn't really matter what the actual issue us all of the above would make me say get rid. He sounds unkind, worse than that he's unkind to someone he's supposed to care about.

stickygotstuck · 30/04/2017 09:11

FWIW op, I have the exact same problem (so did my dad), so I very much doubt it's psychological like someone else just said Hmm). The heating is never on overnight in our house, and only comes on half an hour before we get up on the depths of winter. Luckily, DH is the same though.

Unless you DH wakes up crippled with the cold, there is no reason to just leave the heating off. The testing thing, especially more than once, it's totally ridiculous and disrespectful.

Urglewurgle · 30/04/2017 09:12

Ahhh! I'm the same with the heating! Plus I've just had a bad sinus cold (and am pg so can't take anything). DP left the heating on overnight a few days ago and I wake up feeling like I'm suffocating. My nose is blocked, stuffy head, headache, dry mouth, sore throat etc. And that's even with the rad in the bedroom switched off.

There's no need to have the heating on overnight, especially at this time if year and even more so if it makes you feel ill! Deffo not BU

WeAllHaveWings · 30/04/2017 09:13

I don't like waking up in an overly hot house, as I feel my throat is dry (I must sleep with my mouth open Blush), sweating (duvet too heavy for a warm house), head feel fit to burst (again heat). I wouldn't say central heating makes me ill, but I find it very uncomfortable sleeing in a hot room.

That's why my radiator is very low/off in my bedroom, so if dh gets up early he can have some heating. Why not do this? If you don't have a thermostatic value on your radiator they can be fitted.

Ylvamoon · 30/04/2017 09:13

Use radiator humidifier in your home? It would solve the issue and stop the arguments.
Unfortunately some people can't sympathize with small ailments as it don't effect them.

TheFairyCaravan · 30/04/2017 09:20

I can't have the heating on overnight. It gives me a terrible headache.

DH gets up at 5:20 so puts it on really low for an hour then, and it comes on properly at about 8:00.

Can't you turn the heating off?

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Doglikeafox · 30/04/2017 09:22

For clarification, I don't think I'm 'allergic' to the central heating. I just think that I'm unusually responsive to dry air, or warm air (I don't know enough about central heating to have any factual information unfortunately!)
I don't think it's a psychological thing because I develop the symtoms first... and then realise the heating is on.
Also I understand that DP is cold, that's fine, put the heating on. My problem is with it being left on. E.g. Today when I rang him he had left the house, so it had been on for several hours when he only needed it on for half an hour whilst he got dressed.
About me often being unreasonable- I mean that often I am the one who realises that I was in the wrong and appologises. I suffer with mental health issues which sometimes can cloud my vision on whether or not I'm being reasonable, and quite often I'm not which is OK.
No DP is not usually controlling or like this, however he does have a tendency to think he is right about things. He is quite intelligent, and I think because I am quite reliant on him and because I am younger than him, I think maybe he forgets that doesn't make him any stronger than me, or more intelligent... IYSWIM?

OP posts:
Blinkingblimey · 30/04/2017 09:23

Two of my dcs have this same reaction to the heating. Even prior to this I would never leave the heating on overnight as it def makes me feel sluggish. YANBU.

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