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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To tell him the heating makes me ill?

82 replies

Doglikeafox · 30/04/2017 09:00

I'm sure this will seem really trivial to some but it has actually upset me quite a bit. My OH is usually very reasonable, really understanding, etc etc and just a great guy... which is what makes me post here today because in our relationship, it is usually me being unreasonable!
So, ever since I was a child my mum has observed that the central heating has an effect on me. Specifically, when left on overnight or put on whilst I'm still asleep in the morning. If she did ever have to put it on, she would have to put cups of water on top of the radiator to stop my room from drying out too much. If she didn't, I would wake up with streaming eyes, a blocked nose, a sore throat, hoarse voice etc and it would take several hours for the symptoms to disappear.
This wasn't really much of an issue when I moved in with my partner because we were a bit skint and our house is naturally very warm, so we haven't really had the heating on much. I have mentioned it in passing before, to which he has replied that I'm bonkers and the heating can't possibly do that. A few times last winter, he would turn the heating on overnight and turn it off just before I woke up, to 'test me' IMO, but he says not. Every single time I woke up feeling ill and asked if the heating had been on. Eventually we had a big argument over it, he seemed to see sense, and stopped doing it (why leave the heating on overnight anyway?!). This was made easier by the fact that he no longer has to get up early for work, so isn't getting cold in the mornings.
Anyway, today, I wake up feeling really rotten, sweaty, ill, can barely speak etc. I go and check if the heating is on and it is. I called OH and said, really friendly and calmly, 'babe can we please not leaving the heating on? I feel like crap' for him to say 'it isn't the heating that makes you feel that way'. We then had an argument where he continued to insist that it was nothing to do with the heating, I was wrong etc.
I'm not annoyed that he left the heating on but I am really annoyed that something I have observed (and my mum!) about my body my entire life he is now telling me is a load of bollocks. Even with the proof that it is the first time the heating has been on whilst I'm asleep.... and I've woken up quite obviously ill!
I know it's a really trivial matter in the scheme of things, and that I'll be fine in a few hours but I am honestly quite upset about the fact that OH thinks it's OK to laugh at me over this, making me out to be a bit of an idiot when he can't possibly know if he's right.
For background, OH does not work in any scientific/central heating/health related field.

OP posts:

user1471545174 · 30/04/2017 10:08

A humidifier doesn't make the air cool. It just makes the hot air wetter. That would be like sleeping in a tropical grreenhouse.

LakieLady · 30/04/2017 10:09

Is your home rented, OP? I'd speak to the landlord about getting the heating controls sorted. I've never heard of any gas CH system without some timing mechanism.

Some older combi boilers have a timer on the boiler itself. They're usually like a dial with little tiny pegs around the outside, with numbers to denote the time. Can't recall now if you flick the little pegs outwards or inwards for on though! Might be worth looking behind the little flap on the front of the boiler, see if there's something like that.

It's also cheap and easy to fit thermostatic valves on individual radiators too. We have the rads low in the kitchen and bedrooms, but high in the sitting room and bathroom.

I suffer the same sort of thing as you, but find I'm fine with the heating coming on about 30 mins before I get up, so it's nice and warm then.

DameDeDoubtance · 30/04/2017 10:19

He tests you and makes you ill in the process? Seriously, not the sign of a nice guy at all.

Unicorn81 · 30/04/2017 10:20

Yanbu, i too would feei ill if the heating was on overnight. I also suggest humidifier for when you have on during the day.

sherazade · 30/04/2017 10:24

He doesn't forget that he is not more intelligent than you . He chooses to believe he is more intelligent than you .

Why did you have to approach him with caution when he had deliberately done something that makes you feel ill ?

He is gaslighting you.

SnickersWasAHorse · 30/04/2017 10:25

It is no t psychological at all. I'm the same as is DH.
The radiator is on the very lowest setting in our bedroom. Heating is never on overnight. At least one window open no matter what the temperature, even in minus double figures.

Mothervulva · 30/04/2017 10:26

YANBU. I can't sleep with the heating on. Awful.

Gwenhwyfar · 30/04/2017 10:27

Heating shouldn't normally be on all night anyway, but mine has to come on before I get up in the morning or it would be too cold to have a shower. I have a thick duvet in my bedroom so don't have the radiator on in there. I sympathise with your DP if he hates getting up to a cold house.

Gwenhwyfar · 30/04/2017 10:29

"it's summer FFS."

It's spring!! I'm still wearing my winter coat and woolly hat, sometimes with sunglasses.

Agree that there's no need to have the heating all night though.

Gwenhwyfar · 30/04/2017 10:30

"A humidifier doesn't make the air cool. It just makes the hot air wetter. That would be like sleeping in a tropical grreenhouse."

OP said her mum used to leave a cup of water on the radiator so humidifying DOES help OP.

PickAChew · 30/04/2017 10:30

Where the hell do you live that he even wants the heating on overnight in April? They'll him to wear some thicker pyjamas if he's cold.

happypoobum · 30/04/2017 10:33

Gwen Where are you with your woolly hat???

We've got the tights off and t shirts on here - South coast.

Tanaqui · 30/04/2017 10:38

IF he is othewise a decent chap, I wonder if it is your terminology causing an issue? Ie, the heating on isn't making you ill in the sense of flu/ virus type ill, so he thinks obviously it can't be true; but it is making you feel ill (and it does me too!). Can you try saying it makes me feel dry/ tired/ uncomfortable instead? (I know it seems petty, but he might just have got locked into thinking "ffs it can't make you ill!")

C8H10N4O2 · 30/04/2017 10:45

OP I have the same problem with overnight heating - wake up with headaches, blocked up and feeling rubbish all day. However I also have the problem with cold that your DH seems to have.
I have been told by ENT this is quite common, some people have nasal passages/sinuses more prone to drying out. Humidifier plus heating just makes for a damp room IME and didn't help much.

I use pyjamas and warm duvet in cold weather and set the heating to come on an hour before I get up (i'm the early riser). That compromise on heating seems to work for me - its if the heating is on all night that I suffer.

meganix · 30/04/2017 11:16

I get that reaction to the heating on at night too. I get headaches, stuffy nose, feel drowsy and crap. Feels like a hangover.

haveacupoftea · 30/04/2017 12:59

I'd be raging about somebody leaving the heating on due to the cost more than anything but it is uncomfortable being hot all the time too.

counterpoint · 30/04/2017 13:09

I have a similar reaction with central heating but not as severe as OP. Also, it's more tolerable since we went with bare floorboards - I think it's the carpets and their fumes (underlay?) which cause the problem - nasty toxins from man-made fibres etc.

However, I get a very severe reaction from air conditioning. I'm so annoyed that cars seem to come with it as standard which tempts everyone to use it but DH has never used it (bless) since I explained. My eyes dry up, redden and feel like sandpaper. My sinuses swell up and cause headaches (which I never otherwise suffer from).

YANBU if your husband won't accept this and stop playing silly buggers with the CH.

Gwenhwyfar · 30/04/2017 13:16

Oh yes, air conditioning is the bane of my life. It's cold outside, but pubs and cafes have air con on. Why?

Gwenhwyfar · 30/04/2017 13:17

"Gwen Where are you with your woolly hat??? grin "

Cardiff. It's cold and windy. There are people here in shorts as well, but that's the typical British thing of seeing a bit of sun and dressing as if it's 25 degrees when it's 14.

user1471558723 · 30/04/2017 13:30

I suffer in exactly the same way too.
You are not alone

Bunbunbunny · 30/04/2017 13:31

I'm 100% the same, it screws with my asthma as well. I have to always have the window open, when I go to bed I can't have the heating on.
I don't think my DH believed me at first and we'd argue if it was left on, he does now see the difference in my breathing when it's been left on as I'll cough like a smoker! It helps I sleep terribly when it's on so much it annoys him as well, he finally twigged what it was so turns it off

DontPullThatTubeOut · 30/04/2017 13:59

I get that it must be annoying for you to be too hot but ta probably just as annoying that he has to be cold. His comments are out of order but again if he is always cold it could be pissing him off. Can't you find a happy medium, turn your radiator down and sleep closer to the window with it open a bit to keep you cool and he can be warmer than he currently is.

Charlie97 · 30/04/2017 15:47

Another one here who hates the heating on overnight!

It makes me feel dreadful.

In fact we are in the loft and in the winter the DCs say they are going to the ice hotel up there. Window open as well.

He doesn't want window open
He doesn't know the temperature if the heating
He doesn't set the timer to warm up for him in the morning
He cant turn the radiator off

Tell him to sort it out!!!

allegretto · 30/04/2017 15:51

We have ceramic water holders on all the radiators. They definitely help.

Summerisdone · 30/04/2017 16:06

YANBU
Your suffering from the heating staying on is not a made up thing at all. My DSIS would be the exact same as yourself whenever the heating was on, even if for just an hour. DM would also have a hangover like headache all day when it had been left on overnight, this has of course led to many arguments with DSDad over the years as he also insists it's made up bollocks.

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