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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell him the heating makes me ill?

82 replies

Doglikeafox · 30/04/2017 09:00

I'm sure this will seem really trivial to some but it has actually upset me quite a bit. My OH is usually very reasonable, really understanding, etc etc and just a great guy... which is what makes me post here today because in our relationship, it is usually me being unreasonable!
So, ever since I was a child my mum has observed that the central heating has an effect on me. Specifically, when left on overnight or put on whilst I'm still asleep in the morning. If she did ever have to put it on, she would have to put cups of water on top of the radiator to stop my room from drying out too much. If she didn't, I would wake up with streaming eyes, a blocked nose, a sore throat, hoarse voice etc and it would take several hours for the symptoms to disappear.
This wasn't really much of an issue when I moved in with my partner because we were a bit skint and our house is naturally very warm, so we haven't really had the heating on much. I have mentioned it in passing before, to which he has replied that I'm bonkers and the heating can't possibly do that. A few times last winter, he would turn the heating on overnight and turn it off just before I woke up, to 'test me' IMO, but he says not. Every single time I woke up feeling ill and asked if the heating had been on. Eventually we had a big argument over it, he seemed to see sense, and stopped doing it (why leave the heating on overnight anyway?!). This was made easier by the fact that he no longer has to get up early for work, so isn't getting cold in the mornings.
Anyway, today, I wake up feeling really rotten, sweaty, ill, can barely speak etc. I go and check if the heating is on and it is. I called OH and said, really friendly and calmly, 'babe can we please not leaving the heating on? I feel like crap' for him to say 'it isn't the heating that makes you feel that way'. We then had an argument where he continued to insist that it was nothing to do with the heating, I was wrong etc.
I'm not annoyed that he left the heating on but I am really annoyed that something I have observed (and my mum!) about my body my entire life he is now telling me is a load of bollocks. Even with the proof that it is the first time the heating has been on whilst I'm asleep.... and I've woken up quite obviously ill!
I know it's a really trivial matter in the scheme of things, and that I'll be fine in a few hours but I am honestly quite upset about the fact that OH thinks it's OK to laugh at me over this, making me out to be a bit of an idiot when he can't possibly know if he's right.
For background, OH does not work in any scientific/central heating/health related field.

OP posts:
kittybiscuits · 30/04/2017 09:25

This sounds like some weird psychological thing and your mum has given you issues by telling you this when you were a kid Utter bollocks. I also cannot sleep with the heating on and feel awful if it happens. That's what the duvet is for and a blanket if it's very cold. I like a nice warm house but it hasn't been cold enough to leave the heating on in the UK for the past few years anyway. Are you sure he's not a low level cunt in other ways too?

blueskyinmarch · 30/04/2017 09:25

I am the same if the heating is on at night or early morning. I can heat the upstairs of my house separately to the downstairs which is great. I keep the upstairs very cool but we can be warm downstairs. All heating is switched off overnight and doesn’t go back on until i physically turn it on. My DH doesn’t much like being cold in the morning as he gets up earlier than me but he understands and just puts up with it.

Witchend · 30/04/2017 09:27

Why don't you just put a cup of water out as your dm used to do? Surely that's the obvious solution?

whatdoyouwant · 30/04/2017 09:28

I'm the same when the heating is above 20 degrees on a night

usernumbernine · 30/04/2017 09:30

To be fair, my house takes time to warm up so I need the heating on half an hour before I get up. Putting it on to get dressed for half an hour would be pointless.

He sounds controlling though. And any man who thinks he is more intelligent and that correlates to knowing how someone else feels is a knob in my book.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 30/04/2017 09:31

Do you have gas central heating? I would be checking for a gas leak TBH. The symptoms of carbon monoxide poisioning sound very similar to what you describe. Not to frighten you as it's unlikely but I think you should have it checked out.

NavyandWhite · 30/04/2017 09:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

princessconsuelobananahammock · 30/04/2017 09:33

I'm the same - makes me feel hungover too. Just groggy, headache & v v v v thirsty! He is definitely being unreasonable. It makes you feel crap - he should keep it off.

Castironfireplace · 30/04/2017 09:41

Have you tried any of the meet in the middle stuff? Humidifier, open window, 1 radiator off etc etc.

My DH is a cold lover and it makes me want to kill him as I shiver away. We now compromise but if he demanded I turned all the heating off because it gave him the sniffles I would flush his head down the toilet to help rehydrate his passages. (joking obvsHalo)

Original poster
Doglikeafox · 30/04/2017 09:44

We have a very warm house so the heating is not on often so we haven't tried a humidifier or anything like that.
DP hates sleeping with the window open, but that would be a good solution for us. There is no temperature gauge (don't know the word!) on our heating as it's broken so we have no idea how high the heating actually is, but it easily heats up the entire house in 20 minutes.
As far as I can tell the radiator in our bedroom can't be turned off. There aren't any knobs on it anyway. It's an old one. Yes it is gas central heating and we will check just incase, thanks Smile

OP posts:
user1471545174 · 30/04/2017 09:44

YANBU, I had to train DH into keeping the heat off overnight and he eventually agreed it was horrible to keep it on overnight. I am not a fresh air fiend by any means and need heating and swaddling during the day, but at night I have to breathe cool air or I wake up miserable and headachy.

I don't understand why he can't do this one little thing for you or at least try it out; he might end up preferring it too.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 30/04/2017 09:49

I'm like that with heating too.

But that's a side issue really. The real issue is the way he's treating you. There's an imbalance in your relationship and it's causing him to feel it's ok to act 'superior'. It's not something I'd ignore because it'll get worse, not better. He's not treating you as an equal. Is that how you want to live your life?

Apairofsparklingeyes · 30/04/2017 09:49

This isn't a trivial matter. Your DP is deliberately doing something that makes you ill. Is he generally respectful and kind towards you, or does he tend to be dismissive of your feelings over other things too?

Original poster
Doglikeafox · 30/04/2017 09:50

I don't think some people have read my post very well.
I don't mind him turning the heating on- that's fine. I mind him a) telling me my symptoms are not because of the central heating b) leaving the heating on once he has left the house and c) leaving it on overnight when our house is naturally very warm

OP posts:
Mummamayhem · 30/04/2017 09:50

I hate sleeping with heating on! You are not alone nor unreasonable.

RandomMess · 30/04/2017 09:51

He is being very unreasonable to have this attitude towards you.

Sounds like you need to get the thermostat fixed and get a 7 day programmable timer installed - so we can have our heating on and off 3 times per day (or less) on different times each day and it only comes on if the thermostat measures that it is cold enough for it to actually come on.

I can't imagine it being healthy for anyone to have the heating on all night Shock especially if it's about 18 degrees in your bedroom!

BlueChairs · 30/04/2017 09:52

Buy a humidifier !!!

Original poster
Doglikeafox · 30/04/2017 09:54

He really isn't dismissive of my feelings often. I suffer with anxiety and OCD, so I am often very irrational about things and OH is very understanding and a huge support system to me.
I think he is used to me being silly about certain things due to my anxiety, and is treating this the same way when it is not.
(To clarify I'm not saying he mocks or is rude to me over my anxiety, but he keeps me grounded sometimes by making me realise how silly some of my anxieties are)

OP posts:
sparkleandsunshine · 30/04/2017 09:56

YANBU
when we brought our DD home from hospital we kept heating on all night as we're worried about her getting cold. She soon got the snuffles, when I told the midwife she had snuffles but hadn't been out and none of us had a cold, she asked if we kept our heating on all the time.
She said it takes the moisture out of the air and can cause the baby to develop a cold.
We had to put a big bowl of water under her Moses basket and use extra blankets instead of the heating at night. Her recommendation.
It is a thing.

TisapityshesaGeordie · 30/04/2017 09:56

I have the same reaction but to air con. Only causes problems on holiday, as DH likes it on all night as he gets too hot to sleep.

glitterglitters · 30/04/2017 09:58

My husband gets this op. We wouldn't use it for years and I'd just bundle up. Now
We have dc though they have to take precedence. In the meantime we've had a woodburner installed and now we can warm the living areas without the central heating. Feel for you as people think you're nuts when you say it. X

HashiAsLarry · 30/04/2017 10:04

I always used to need some water by my radiator too, lessened the occurrences of asthma attacks when younger.

We have heating set to come on overnight, but only to 10 and we have a window on vent so there's fresh air without a lot of cold getting in. As I'm also the one who feels the cold more, I have extra blankets.

Basically I'm completely unreasonable in wanting air, lots of heat and the heating not on constantly! Thankfully DH is ok with this.

User2468 · 30/04/2017 10:06

Who has the heating on overnight? Surely that's weird in itself!

FubbyChucker · 30/04/2017 10:07

Open a window?

happypoobum · 30/04/2017 10:08

a) Are you in the UK? I can't understand why the heating is on all night. The only times I have ever done this, and I am an old gimmer, is a few nights when it's been in the middle of a very icy snowy period. Less than ten nights my entire life.

b) Where is he getting dressed early in the morning? Can't he get dressed in another room and just have an electric fan heater on? Those things chuck the heat out really effectively and although they aren't chap, I am sure ten minutes of that would be cheaper than leaving CH on all night.

c) Turn the radiator off in your room - it's summer FFS.

d) HUMIDIFIER!!!!!!!