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To be batshit cross that my dc has had to sign a contract saying he will play with a child at school?

(504 Posts)
GibbonMinstrel Tue 25-Apr-17 16:00:37

There's a long history.

My ds is shy, geeky. Knows what he likes -very academic/not great socially There's a bulldozer child who is his opposite. Alpha mum, jazz hands, sporty, darling-darling who is related to a staff member.

This other child has worked his way through his class bullying kids, controlling stuff and really wrecking friendships. My ds just doesn't get on with this kind of person. He reads during a lot of breaks (TA is a friend and has told me) and the other child has been taking,kicking and removing his books. It all came to a head last Friday when my DS reacted and screamed and the child to leave him alone and walked away.

The other kid went into meltdown- involved the headteacher (yes really) and between them they decided the best solution would be to contractually oblige my kid(nobody else's) to play for three set days with him.

Dh drafted up a contract yesterday for the HT to come to every single weekend BBQ over the summer and asked her to sign it and he was told not to be so ridiculous (hmm really)

The contract was enforced today and I've just collected DS from school in bits saying he doesn't want to go back.

Is this completely batshit or have I entered a twilight zone.

Sorry to be so ranty. I'm so cross!

BarbarianMum Tue 25-Apr-17 16:03:15

Twilight zone is about right. shock So much so in fact, that I'd want to fact check your ds' account with the head asap before blowing my top.

SugarMiceInTheRain Tue 25-Apr-17 16:03:43

I would be livid. Absolutely ridiculous, how dare they insist your child be subjected to him. I would tell them firmly that he will not be attending school until they rip up their stupid contract, and commit to keeping the bully away from him.

autumnkate Tue 25-Apr-17 16:04:00

Bonkers. I can see the virtue of making them discuss the issue and agreeing steps to make sure such an incident doesn't happen again, but making them play together is crazy.

There is no way I would be letting my son sign anything of the sort and I'd be letting them know that.

ThouShallNotPass Tue 25-Apr-17 16:04:33

Wait, what?! They want to force your son to play with his bully? You need to tell them to fuck off to the far side of fuck, then fuck off some more!
It's completely ridiculous and your child should never be forced to interact with someone they dislike. There is no rule anywhere that says a child must play with other children anyway! Go above the head's head to the governors or someone!

scaryteacher Tue 25-Apr-17 16:04:43

Can your son be legally made to sign a contract if he is a minor? I would be taking legal advice on this one, complaining to the governors, and keeping ds off.

Instasista Tue 25-Apr-17 16:05:25

I don't understand - who drew up
The contract and who is HT? Who signed it? Why was it enforced without your permisson? Is it boarding school?

scurryfunge Tue 25-Apr-17 16:05:50

Speak to the head again and ask why the solution to your son being bullied is to force him to have contact with said bully? Why isn't the bully being punished?

MrsTerryPratchett Tue 25-Apr-17 16:06:20

How old are the children?

ThouShallNotPass Tue 25-Apr-17 16:06:56

Go in, ask to see this so called contract.

Then simply tear it up into confetti as soon as you've been handed it.

Sleepdeprivedredhead Tue 25-Apr-17 16:07:20

Be blunt with the school. If they attempt to enforce it they will be effectively excluding your son from school. Because if it's a contract what other threat do they have?

Sleepdeprivedredhead Tue 25-Apr-17 16:08:00

^ i am with thoushaltnotpass. Give that contract the respect it deserves.

Blossomdeary Tue 25-Apr-17 16:08:33

This is absolutely unacceptable. When you say "contractually oblige", was your son asked to sign something? If so, he will have done this under duress and that is totally out of order.

It is also out of order that the staff should be engineering social relationships between children. That is something they have to learn to deal with themselves. The staff can set rules about kindness, no bullying etc but they cannot dictate who should play with whom.

I am not sure exactly what I would do in this situation. I would certainly be talking very firmly with the head and telling her that you will be instructing your son to ignore this ruling, and that any comeback on that should be directed to you, not your son.

It is so tiresome when they want children to fit into a mould: I have a very geeky wee GS and the staff recognise that he likes to read during the break times and do not pressurise him in any other direction; in contrast I had a one very quiet DD and got sick to death of being told she was quiet - yes, I had noticed; do you have a problem with this?

Trb17 Tue 25-Apr-17 16:09:24

Absolutely batshit crazy. I'd tell the head that if it's enforced you'll be putting in formal written complaint to the governors and copying in ofsted just for fun too.

I would not let this lie as children should be able to avoid those they don't get on with to minimise conflict... not be forced into it. Ridiculous!

QueenofallIsee Tue 25-Apr-17 16:09:35

Ridiculous by the school - I loath this idea that children should not be able to choose their own friends. We had similar years ago with DD, the school were enforcing that she spend morning break with one particular girl and it led to school refusing and proper upset. We put a stop to it and the school took us at our word. What did the head teacher say was behind doing it?

Instasista Tue 25-Apr-17 16:10:57

If this was a state school I'd make
A formalcomplaint. Your son isn't capable of signing a legal contract and they aren't capable of drawing one up. They have forced a gentlemans agreemnt by bullying him further.

honeysucklejasmine Tue 25-Apr-17 16:13:16

That's ridiculous. You can insist they are polite to each other, but you simply cannot force children to socialise. It's wrong.

robinia Tue 25-Apr-17 16:13:30

I would telephone the head and tell them your son won't be going into school until they take steps to keep the bully away from him.

Goldmandra Tue 25-Apr-17 16:13:36

My guess is that they are seeing your child as the problem because he is not conforming to social norms. The playground is for playing. He isn't doing that so he must be taught to do the same as everyone else.

My DD1 used to read in the playground. She has AS and didn't want to play. It made the teachers very antsy but I was very clear that this was her choice and she needed that down-time.

I would be very cross but you need to go in and ask questions.

Why is my son being forced to play with a child he doesn't like?

For whose benefit is this happening?

Why is it a problem for him to read his book in the playground?

What message are you giving the other child by backing up his behaviour, i.e. taking the book away like he did?

What do you expect this strategy to achieve?

How will you help my son to feel comfortable to come into school now?

Whathaveilost Tue 25-Apr-17 16:13:43

I was about to say what had just been said, governors, OFSTED!
No doubt about if the HT isn't listening.

GibbonMinstrel Tue 25-Apr-17 16:14:49

He was scared he'd get into trouble
He signed it

My ds is very black and white.sad

ToughItOut Tue 25-Apr-17 16:15:31

What on earth have I just read? That is utter madness, your poor DC. You need an appointment with the head asap. In fact, no appointment, just go in and stay there until that ridiculous contract is torn up. Your ds does not have to play with the school bully. End of.

MrsTerryPratchett Tue 25-Apr-17 16:17:20

Now, unfortunate,y, may be the time to teach him that sometimes you have to make trouble.

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Tue 25-Apr-17 16:17:38

A head teachers idea? Fucking Hell!!

GibbonMinstrel Tue 25-Apr-17 16:18:55

My son is 10!!!!

I'm fuming.

I will calm down in a minute.

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