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Am I being a tightwad or is this taking the piss?

(144 Posts)
thebarefootcarrottop Sun 09-Apr-17 23:35:13

So one of my closest friends got married a couple of months ago. She said they didn't have a massive budget which I have no problem with, of course! They decided to hire a big house and not get any catering or bar staff. Instead they bought the food and basically got the guests to all pitch in. All fine so far. But the wedding was a 3 day event (Is this a 'thing' now??!) and there was a different themed party on each day (with different themed outfits to have to buy for both me and my DH. Some of which we cobbled together but we did end up spending about £40 on the various bits we needed). The venue was 6 hours drive, so cost quite a lot in petrol there and back. And we were asked to bring our own drink. So for 3 days we spent about another £50 on wine. Then, and this is the bit which made me rather cross, there was a room set aside at the house for me and my DH. At a cost of £150 per night! So £450 for the 3 days! As this wasn't a hotel there was no breakfast included, rather we were required to bring what food we wanted to eat as well! Oh and then we were asked to buy something from their wedding list which was circulated beforehand. I'm usually quite generous but we opted for a cheaper item as it was costing us so much to attend. Basically, the cost of going to this wedding was over £700! I've just found out that hiring the venue cost her and her fiancé nothing! Because, she told another friend of ours, that they recouped the full cost of hiring the house through the money they collected from friends and family for the rooms!!!! In other words, the venue cost x amount and they just divided x by the number of bedrooms (about 15 in total) and charged all the couples who stayed 1/15th of the venue hire!!!!! I get that not everyone can afford the big do and that it can be quite fun getting friends and family to pitch in. I was happy to help with cooking and clearing up. But seriously, I just don't think it's OK to be this self indulgent (3 fecking days of celebrating their union!!!) and charging everyone else for the privilege. Anyway, it has made me really cross but none of our other friends seem to have issue with it so I'm worried I'm being a tightwad by complaining. I won't say anything to my friend as it's done now, and I know I could have declined the invite. But she's one of my oldest friends and when I agreed to take one the rooms at the house, I had no idea how much they were nor that this would be paying for their wedding! I feel really cross about it!

Supermagicsmile Sun 09-Apr-17 23:36:59

Yanbu!

NameNotANumber Sun 09-Apr-17 23:37:18

Yanbu they are cheeky and grasping.

PeaFaceMcgee Sun 09-Apr-17 23:38:42

I'd feel taken advantage of, and the fact she was crowing about it, but what's done is done.

Olivialoves Sun 09-Apr-17 23:39:01

Has the wedding been and gone?
If you value your friendship, you can't complain. Just mark it up as a learning.
You should have questioned the price at the time if you didn't want to pay it, and arranged other accommodation.
You could have just said oh we'll come for x day, but really sorry we can't afford to pay for the whole weekend at the moment.
But it's been and gone. Move on.

MommaGee Sun 09-Apr-17 23:39:03

I don't blame you, rubbery should have covered part of the cost for venue hire and charged a reasonable amount on the bedrooms to cover the rest. The rest sounds lovely

Monsterpage Sun 09-Apr-17 23:39:56

That is really bad. She needed to cut her cloth according to her income. Basically she got a wedding and a 3 night stay plus wedding gifts at practically no cost to herself. That is deceitful in my view.

Olivialoves Sun 09-Apr-17 23:40:33

Also, who agrees to accommodation without knowing how much its going to cost?!

mydietstartsmonday Sun 09-Apr-17 23:41:32

Umm how tight. Well done them, they charged their guests and spent nothing.i would be fuming and would probably have pulled out when I found out how much the rooms were.

GoodDayToYou Sun 09-Apr-17 23:41:41

It's incredible. YADNBU.

HappCatt Sun 09-Apr-17 23:44:38

YANBU but you were a bit daft to agree to go if you didn't want to spend so much money.

magicstar1 Mon 10-Apr-17 00:03:47

Ha...friends of ours just told us that their 3 day wedding is in a castle next year, and they're planning to do what your friend did. I explained how it's wrong and greedy, and people won't be happy. I hope they listen and think again....your friends totally took advantage!

TathitiPete Mon 10-Apr-17 00:14:03

You were gouged shock Yanbu. I was already thinking it was a bit much before I got to the £150 a night rooms! Jammy pair got all their friends to pay for the whole shebang.

Megatherium Mon 10-Apr-17 00:15:47

Just make sure you're otherwise engaged when it comes to any future baby showers or christening parties for this couple.

WalkingInTheAir13 Mon 10-Apr-17 00:17:42

magicstar1
Oh nooooo!
Please ...... not another Fleece Your Family and Friends/
Great Wedding in Castle Rip-Off !

OrangeIsTheNewPop Mon 10-Apr-17 00:19:53

I was trying to think of a sarky, witty, yet profound reply.

I came up with...

HELL no!

BeastofCraggyIsland Mon 10-Apr-17 00:26:06

Jeez, YANBU! Cheeky fuckers.

Bitchycocktailwaitress Mon 10-Apr-17 00:35:02

Oh my goodness you are DNBU! Cheeky fuckers.

KC225 Mon 10-Apr-17 00:44:58

Shocking. I would have to say something. Friends do not try to get one over on you

alltoomuchrightnow Mon 10-Apr-17 00:50:45

very very mean of them

thecatfromjapan Mon 10-Apr-17 00:51:54

Ouch.

As previous poster said, if you value her friendship, you can't bring it up now - it's too late; the boat has sailed.

I think you don't know her aw well as you thought you did, though.

That is so much money. Is that really what people pay to attend weddings these days? when did weddings become so expensive?

PyongyangKipperbang Mon 10-Apr-17 00:54:33

I am sure that this has become a "thing" lately because people are tightening their belts everywhere and so wedding planners probably started it as a way to earn vast amounts of commission despite the B&G spending barely anything.

On the other wedding thread where the bride is doing this, someone mentioned a hotel having 3 tiered room rate schedules depending on how much of the wedding the B&G want their guests to pay for! Basically if they decide to sell the rooms at the highest rate, the whole wedding is paid for by the guests.

PyongyangKipperbang Mon 10-Apr-17 00:55:42

Oh and when did 3 day weddings become the norm?!

What happened to church, photos, grub, dancing, home?

ZilphasHatpin Mon 10-Apr-17 00:59:16

shock

I've been hearing more and more stories of grabby couples over the last couple of years. I think people need to get a lot firmer about what they are willing to pay out for someone else's party.

ChasedByBees Mon 10-Apr-17 01:03:06

YANBU.

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