So one of my closest friends got married a couple of months ago. She said they didn't have a massive budget which I have no problem with, of course! They decided to hire a big house and not get any catering or bar staff. Instead they bought the food and basically got the guests to all pitch in. All fine so far. But the wedding was a 3 day event (Is this a 'thing' now??!) and there was a different themed party on each day (with different themed outfits to have to buy for both me and my DH. Some of which we cobbled together but we did end up spending about £40 on the various bits we needed). The venue was 6 hours drive, so cost quite a lot in petrol there and back. And we were asked to bring our own drink. So for 3 days we spent about another £50 on wine. Then, and this is the bit which made me rather cross, there was a room set aside at the house for me and my DH. At a cost of £150 per night! So £450 for the 3 days! As this wasn't a hotel there was no breakfast included, rather we were required to bring what food we wanted to eat as well! Oh and then we were asked to buy something from their wedding list which was circulated beforehand. I'm usually quite generous but we opted for a cheaper item as it was costing us so much to attend. Basically, the cost of going to this wedding was over £700! I've just found out that hiring the venue cost her and her fiancé nothing! Because, she told another friend of ours, that they recouped the full cost of hiring the house through the money they collected from friends and family for the rooms!!!! In other words, the venue cost x amount and they just divided x by the number of bedrooms (about 15 in total) and charged all the couples who stayed 1/15th of the venue hire!!!!! I get that not everyone can afford the big do and that it can be quite fun getting friends and family to pitch in. I was happy to help with cooking and clearing up. But seriously, I just don't think it's OK to be this self indulgent (3 fecking days of celebrating their union!!!) and charging everyone else for the privilege. Anyway, it has made me really cross but none of our other friends seem to have issue with it so I'm worried I'm being a tightwad by complaining. I won't say anything to my friend as it's done now, and I know I could have declined the invite. But she's one of my oldest friends and when I agreed to take one the rooms at the house, I had no idea how much they were nor that this would be paying for their wedding! I feel really cross about it!
AIBU?
Am I being a tightwad or is this taking the piss?
thebarefootcarrottop · 09/04/2017 23:35
We got married last summer and I joined some wedding Facebook groups. Am still in them as they have lots of posts that make me go 
.
It is definitely "am honour" to be invited to someone's wedding and it doesn't matter whether you have chosen to get married on a Tuesday hundreds of miles away from where guests live, if they don't come then you'll know they're not true friends, as anyone who really was would come.
The day is basically all about the bride (maybe a bit about the groom) and the guests seem to be mere inconveniences. It's fine to say that if someone wore white to the wedding that you'd throw them out. And many other weird (to me) things.
Our wedding didn't quite fit in with this 
I remember someone (a bride to be) saying something along the lines of the guests respecting the wedding more if there was costs involved, or something along that line 
'Honour' my arse! Well not really
Honestly, when I got married I tried my best to save people from spending money. I wanted all my family and friends to celebrate with us and not have to worry about money. I'm sure some people spent more than we hoped but that was through choice as the venue was easily accessible for everyone but some chose to stay overnight. I'd rather people remember our wedding with joy rather than thinking 'fuck me that was expensive!'.
Yadnbu, what they're asking is ridiculous!
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I won't mention it to my friend as it's done now and I don't want to damage our friendship. I realise I could have declined but I was told the room would be about £150. I assumed that meant the total cost (so £50 per night) and it wasn't until a couple of weeks before that she said it was £150 PER NIGHT!!! Too late to book anywhere else to stay and we'd already booked time off work, bought outfits etc. I suppose it's a misunderstanding. I didn't realise she meant per night or I'd never have agreed! And to those who said we must be able to afford it, no, we definitely can't afford £700!!!!
It gets worse actually......I've just had an email from her to say there was some damage to the house (a small broken window, a wine stain on the carpet) and they're not getting their £600 deposit back, so rather than try and find out who did the damage (WTF??!!) they're just asking each couple to chip in a tenner to cover it!!!! OMFG!!!!! 
Tell me it would be reasonable not to ask your guests to pay for this as well and just swallow it and pay it themselves!! I am actually speechless!
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