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Who IBU - weekend activity clash

(170 Posts)
KanyesVest Wed 15-Mar-17 13:47:02

Dh and I are having an argument about activities on Sunday morning.

Dh's position: there is a coding club at dd's school which we would both like her to attend and which she would like to go to. It is on Sunday at 11am. Dh would like to volunteer as a parent leader at the club. Dh has a personal and professional interested in coding and he could bring a lot to it (and they desperately need volunteers). The club also meets on a mid week evening but too late for dd (finishes at 8.30pm, she's in bed by 7.30) but will suit her in a couple of years. Dd does not have to join the club now (lots of children start it at 9/10, she's 7) and dh could volunteer without her being involved. He says it's the only way he can be involved in her school life (I do 99% drop off/pick up, meetings, etc) There are other branches of the coding club they could attend, on other days/times (eg Saturday pm) but they would not be connected to the school so dh doesn't want to go to one of them.

My position: I go to a church service at 10.30 on Sunday morning and I bring the children with me. I have been attending for about 8 years. Dh chooses not to come but he did fully agree to having the dc welcomed into the church as babies and that we would go to services as a family. I am involved in the Sunday school and the children go to this while the service is on. The church I attend has only one service each week. There is no other option, it's this service or none. Dd always complains about coming but enjoys it when she's there. I admit to being sporadic in my attendance at times, but I probably average twice a month over the year.

The dilemma: which activity will dd go to? I suggested an every second week attendance at each, but the coding club has a huge waiting list and it wouldn't be fair for dd not to fully use her place, which I totally understand. I have also suggested they attend a different club but dh wants some sort of school engagement for himself. I suggested that there are plenty of other volunteer vacancies in the school if he's that keen to be involved but he isn't interested in doing anything else at the school.

So, who's being unreasonable? And who wins, god or the machine?

MsGameandWatch Wed 15-Mar-17 13:51:05

YABU. Coding club wins for me but I am totally non religious. I think educational family time for your dd and dh together should totally trump church and you don't even go that often anyway.

LisaDuncan Wed 15-Mar-17 13:52:15

Coding , sorry. What benefit does a child get from attending church with the parent who is the one who believes?

How does your DD going to coding stop you going to church?

Chinnygirl Wed 15-Mar-17 13:52:30

Codingclub will probably cease during all holidays. Can't she do coding club and during the holidays church? If you go every sunday during the holidays she will attend almost as many services as now. This way you both get your important time with her.

SilverDragonfly1 Wed 15-Mar-17 13:54:04

I would say that coding club will have a more positive effect on her future career chances, unless you want her to get into a particular faith school I suppose. But then, I'm an atheist so wouldn't have to face this dilemma. Do whichever will make your daughter happy. If she wants to start going back to church in the future, she will.

KanyesVest Wed 15-Mar-17 13:54:27

Ok, interesting. Is dh's refusal to consider a different club time relevant?

LoudestRoar Wed 15-Mar-17 13:55:11

Vote for coding here. I don't mean to sound harsh, but church sounds like it's more for you, rather than for her. I'd let her go to the activity she will enjoy more.

LisaDuncan Wed 15-Mar-17 13:55:48

No as the others are not involved with the school and its really nice he wants to support the school like this.

BillSykesDog Wed 15-Mar-17 13:56:12

YABU, coding term, church in holidays

DrunkenMissOrderly Wed 15-Mar-17 13:56:21

If god wanted her to go to church he would make coding club another time.

BillSykesDog Wed 15-Mar-17 13:57:22

She wouldn't be there at the other time though, so it would be more time away from her rather than getting involved.

SomethingBorrowed Wed 15-Mar-17 13:57:35

I like Chinnygirl's idea.
I am religious myself so I understand the dilemna.
Another idea would be to attend the midweek session, surely a 7yo can go to bed around 9 once a week.

IamFriedSpam Wed 15-Mar-17 13:57:47

I also vote for coding club. She can go with you to church during the holidays. DH wants to be part of something at DD's school and she'll get a lot out of going to the club and spending time with her dad.

CountryCaterpillar Wed 15-Mar-17 13:58:35

Coding club definitely and a lovely way for your dh to be involved in school. Won't even bite into family time as you are out anyway.

Church in holidays if child wishes at that age.

Pimmmms Wed 15-Mar-17 14:00:11

We faced this dilemma with a sportig activity. Our solution was to find another church with an earlier service, even though it was further away.

CountryCaterpillar Wed 15-Mar-17 14:00:19

My 8 year old wouldn't manage bed at 9 once a week!!! She gave up an activity that finished in the next town at 7.15 as she was knackered. One of her friends still goes to bed at 6.30....

DermotOLogical Wed 15-Mar-17 14:01:56

Coding club. I say this as a religious person.

Coding club won't be on in holidays. Plenty of time for church then.

KanyesVest Wed 15-Mar-17 14:04:29

The problem with the holiday time at church is that if we are away we can't go (I'm not in the UK, and its not similar to CofE, some weeks there's only one service in the whole country) but maybe we need to look at how to make it more efficient.

Its not so much the family time I have the issue with, it's about giving her the opportunity to learn more about the spiritual side of herself (dd is in a non religious school).

Will have to think more on our options and how to make it work.

bignamechangeroonie Wed 15-Mar-17 14:04:50


And I'm a Christian

Leave it up to her. She's only at school 30 weeks a year so the other 22 you can make more effort to go to church.

JunosRevenge Wed 15-Mar-17 14:06:11

If god wanted her to go to church he would make coding club another time.

LOVE this!!! grin

MimiSunshine Wed 15-Mar-17 14:06:58

Coding club. Surely you would want your daughter to find her own path back to the church as she gets older if she so wishes?

You've given her a good introduction so now let her do something with her dad that's important to him (as church is to you) and encourage her to keep her faith without it becoming a weekly chore that she resents as she gets older

JunosRevenge Wed 15-Mar-17 14:07:25

(And I'm a Christian too...)

As others have said, coding during term and Church in the hols...

Kiroro Wed 15-Mar-17 14:08:05

If god wanted her to go to church he would make coding club another time

^best reply ever

I think coding in the term time and church in the holidays is a nice compromise.

sunshineglitterprincess Wed 15-Mar-17 14:08:19

I think you should ask dd which she would like to do and let her do what she chooses

KanyesVest Wed 15-Mar-17 14:08:25

If god wanted her to go to church he would make coding club another time. grin touché.

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