to be very upset by this comment?

[TiredyMcTired]

Back story...My son is adopted, we love him very very much and he's our world. We suffered infertility and after years of ttc and 2 cycles of IVF we started our adoption journey. We were very open and all our family and friends know our story. He has so far been the only grandchild in the family.

My sister has just had her first child and we are all delighted at the arrival of our new family member. I was out today buying cards and some presents before we see the new baby (I love babies and was so excited) I bumped into a family friend. Friend asked about the new baby, and commented that my parents must be delighted at the "birth of their first grandchild". I was speechless, had to just walk away and go back to the car to cry with shock and anger This person knows our son and I am beyond devastated that they obviously feel like he isn't a legitimate family member.

I want to call the person who made the comment to tell them how insensitive it was, but DH doesn't want me to. Am I being unreasonable in wanting to let this person know how much they have upset me? I don't want them repeating this sort of comment to anyone else and implying that my much loved son is second fiddle now that the new baby is here

[Topuptheglass]

You should've said something there & then.

I'm sorry they said that & I'm sure you know your family don't think your much wanted & loved son isn't a family member.

[Shakirasma]

YANBU I would ring them and politely but firmly let them know that your DS is the first grandchild, you were taken aback by their comment earlier and ask them to be more considerate in what they say in future.

[Awwlookatmybabyspider]

YANBU. What an insensitive are holey thing to say.

[Toobloodytired]

I'd be extremely angry by that comment, it's insensitive & rude!!

Whether your child has your DNA or not, does not mean he isn't your child or a part of your family

[highinthesky]

Firstly the problem is theirs and not yours. DS is 100% yours and not some stray that you have taken in out of pity.

And yes I would let her know in no uncertain terms. Make sure you're calm before you pick up the phone, and then say "there's something that's really bothering me...".

I bet she doesn't even realise she's articulated her true perception of DS. I hope she's mortified by her own stupidity.

[KoalaDownUnder]

That's an appalling thing to say.

[user1471467667]

I'm so sorry, I'm an adopter, what a hurtful thing to say. Depends how close the friend is whether I would say something I think.
There are a few people that if they implied that about my son, I would definitley say something. If they are not that close a friend and your family fully recognise your son's place in the family I might let it go.
There are plenty of idiots in the world who think such things and you can't educate everyone.
Go and give your precious boy a big hug and kiss

[ImperialBlether]

I think your husband should actually phone this person and tell her straight. There will be other times when you have to stand up for your child and he should be prepared to do this.

I'm suggesting he does it because it's much easier for someone else to tell her how much she's upset you.

[Screwinthetuna]

It's a very insensitive thing to say, no wonder you are upset.
I'd like to hope they didn't think/didn't realise the gravity of what they said. Idiot

[KoalaDownUnder]

And yes, I would tell them.

Sometimes people need to be confronted about their insensitivity.

[user1483387154]

YANBU They were extremely rude and being ridiculuous.

[Littlepeople12345]

What a shitty thing to say. Did you just walk away as soon as they said it?

[UpWithPup]

I'm so sorry they said something so unkind. I wonder if they meant the first birth of a grandchild. Rather insensitive either way.

[insomniaat4am]

Really insensitive but perhaps they meant the actual birth of a first grandchild if you adopted your little one at a slightly older age? Some people don't think before they speak that's for sure.

[wizzywig]

Jeez what a horrible thing to say to you. Hopefully all of our responses will show you that that person was out of order

[HookandSwan]

Insensitive so and so!!! I'm so sorry that happened to you xxxx

[CatsBatsEars]

What a shitty thing to say

[SchnitzelVonCrumb]

That is a truly horrible thing to say.

I would be more inclined to say something cutting next time I saw them.

[Whiterabbitears]

I'm sure you didn't say anything at the time because you were upset and shocked OP, rightly so what a horrible thoughtless thing to say. I can't imagine anyone thinking that an adopted child is less than a biological one and if they do they are a disgrace. I would make sure when you see them next that you point out your son is the first grandchild and a valued and equal member of your family.

[LurkingQuietly]

Definitely phone them, if only so they know what they said is disgraceful and they don't upset another family in the same way. So sorry you've been on the receiving end of this.

[Kewcumber]

Adoptive parent here.

It's shit and things like this do happen from time to time to all of us. But the important thing is... do you think your parents think like this?

My mum is devoted to DS and certainly doesn;t think any differently of him that any of her others.

So sorry, people can be insensitive,

[TestingTestingWonTooFree]

Awful. I probably would tell them how very upset and shocked you were at that comment.

[flapjackfairy]

I am an adoptor and fc and i have 3 bc 1 fc and 1ac
Some people just dont get it and dont think you can love a child that is not yours biologically as much as a birth child.
You and I know different !
I would have to confront them when i next saw them and clarify what they meant by that comment ? All you can do is try to educate them on the issue but really dont let it drag you down.


I am sure your family love your son and make no distinction which is all that matters in the end but i totally get your hurt .

[Mathena]

So stupid. Are they a frenemy? sounds like they were trying to get a dig in.

[user1468353179]

My SIL is an adopted triplet, his parents took all three of them and love them all so much. THat's a very cruel thing to say!!!!