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An expensive meal out

(56 Posts)
bonkersman Fri 10-Feb-17 21:19:49

I'm a bloke but I'd be interested in the opinions on here. I'll tell it from my point of view

Lets say you'd been invited (insistently) to your wife's sisters for a couple of days - said sister often inviting herself to yours for several days (3,4 or 5) with her less than delightful children, but fortunately without her charmless husband.

And lets say when they did invite themselves over your wife bent over backwards to entertain them with the sort of cooking she doesn't usually have time to do.

After an extended journey you arrive at in-laws with your wife and children only to be informed that you'll be eating out, reason unknown and by the way you're paying for your own meal. After having to pay ( a lot) for my own families "tea" when visiting relatives I don't have a great deal of time for am I allowed to feel cheesed off?

By the way this is just the tip of an iceberg but lets start here.

NoFucksImAQueen Fri 10-Feb-17 21:21:28

Yanbu

Chloe84 Fri 10-Feb-17 21:23:14

YANBU. No way would I want to entertain these people again.

Why does your wife bend over backwards for them?

arethereanyleftatall Fri 10-Feb-17 21:24:10

Yanbu. They invite you, they pay, whether that's in the form of cooking for you or paying for dinner out.

DailyMailDontStealMyThread Fri 10-Feb-17 21:28:07

Yanbu, that is plain rude tell us more

LolDeLol Fri 10-Feb-17 21:28:11

YANBU I hope you didn't have to pay for anyone else apart from your kids and wife.

Fallenmadonnawiththebigboobies Fri 10-Feb-17 21:30:06

YANBU

Spam88 Fri 10-Feb-17 21:31:26

YANBU, we'd never expect guests to pay if we decided to eat out/get takeaway.

RuggerHug Fri 10-Feb-17 21:32:55

Yadnbu.

londonrach Fri 10-Feb-17 21:33:37

Im going against the grain here. If you want out for a meal you pay for your own family only (wife,husband and dc). If you cant afford it you say no. I would expect people you staying with to pay for you. Your wife bending over backward to do previous meal is your decision. Next time take out split the cost.

DoloresTheRunawayTrain Fri 10-Feb-17 21:34:53

Next time they invite themselves. Unceremoniously and emphatically uninvite them.
YANBU.

DoloresTheRunawayTrain Fri 10-Feb-17 21:35:10

Shit the . Should be a ,

PeppaIsMyHero Fri 10-Feb-17 21:38:19

You might want to talk with your wife about whether she's happy with them inviting themselves over to yours all the time. If she's not, do her a favour and have a gentle word with your SIL to ensure she understands that it would be better if she waits for an invitation in future.

YANBU. But, having experienced this, don't do this duty call again.

Sunnysky2016 Fri 10-Feb-17 21:38:37

YANBU. If you are a guest, and I told you we were going out for a meal, I would not expect you to pay. What if it was a tight month and you could not afford it? I would be well cheesed off in your position.

Wellitwouldbenice Fri 10-Feb-17 21:39:18

How rude! YANBU. I'd be really irritated!

bloodyteenagers Fri 10-Feb-17 21:45:21

Next time sister shows up on your door step.. oh what a nice surprise. You should have called though. We have plans, at most we can do a quick cuppa... make a cuppa and shoo them out. Every time.

Stop enabling her just showing up and staying.

When they do actually get an invite. They arrive. We are going out for dinner, paying for ourselves... really you don't like this arrangement, since when? We realised from you guys what a fab idea it is..

Huldra Fri 10-Feb-17 21:45:29

Yanbu. It's one thing if it's mutually agreed on before the visit but another to spring on someone.

Oh no, we can't afford that! We will go to McDonald's, let us know when you're finished.

Fluffycloudland77 Fri 10-Feb-17 21:45:33

YANBU.

But it's probably best;

1) To not mention it. Ever.
2) To book a holiday next school holiday. At least then you're expecting to eat out.

KitKat1985 Fri 10-Feb-17 21:49:43

YANBU.

diddl Fri 10-Feb-17 21:50:21

I wouldn't be bothered about paying for my own meal when visiting relies.

I don't hold any truck with folks inviting themselves over though & certainly wouldn't be putting myself out to impress with my entertaining skills.

Why does your wife feel the need to do that-or is she happy to?

bumsexatthebingo Fri 10-Feb-17 21:53:00

YABU imo. You have written the op in a way which makes you sound very reasonable but what has actually happened is that you've gone to visit relatives and gone out for a meal. I wouldn't expect my sil/bil to pay for my families meal in these circumstances. They may offer which would be nice.
Unless they do this every time you visit while you or your wife always slave for hours in the kitchen then yabu. And even if you did spend hours in the kitchen every time that would be your choice. Nothing to stop you shoving some chilled pizzas/jacket potatoes or something in the oven.

JoJoSM2 Fri 10-Feb-17 21:53:12

It's happened to me before with some friends. I found it rude...

GrannyGoggles Fri 10-Feb-17 21:54:54

YANBU but don't take it out on your wife. The two of you need to come up with a joint strategy. And you do sound a bit arsey about your SIL and her husband

echt Fri 10-Feb-17 21:57:34

You have written the op in a way which makes you sound very reasonable but what has actually happened is that you've gone to visit relatives and gone out for a meal. No the meal was sprung on them.

And even if you did spend hours in the kitchen every time that would be your choice. Nothing to stop you shoving some chilled pizzas/jacket potatoes or something in the oven.

But if someone is continually taking advantage of someone's else's hospitality, there should be some quid pro quo.

OP, I'd limit the SIL's visit to one day and give them oven chips.

bumsexatthebingo Fri 10-Feb-17 21:58:01

And a nice way to talk about your nieces/nephews as well.....I wonder what the husband thinks about you. Not a huge fan I'm guessing since he dodges the visits!
Would love to read the reverse of this post about an entitled bil expecting his meal to be paid for.

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