Husband never into sex. I have to instigate it every time. He denies this and says he does instigate but when he does, it's after I've been moaning at him about it so it's still not exactly him doing it off his own back, it's him doing it out of duty.
On a night he won't come to bed until he's tired enough to sleep. I go about 11, suggest that he comes with me on occasion and he makes excuses and comes much later. By then, we're both too tired.
On the rare occasion that we get a lie in together he stays asleep until well into the morning. If I try and wake him he says he's still waking up an hour or so later. In the end I get bored and get up.
This morning - feeling so frustrated I put his hand on my boob. He touched me for a bit but kept stopping. I tried to keep him going but he wasn't even looking at me, still laid with his head in the pillow, eyes closed, no interest at all.
In the end I asked him what the problem was. Why is he never into it? Why does he never show any interest in me? Why is it such hard work??? He said I was shit stirring and mood swinging and said he was into it until I spoilt it by moaning but he clearly wasn't!!! He kept stopping, wasn't even looking at me, never tried to instigate anything else - it was ducking obvious he wasn't into it and that's why I got him to stop because it just started to feel awkward.
He stormed downstairs in the end and I've told him that if he doesn't start showing an interest I'll leave.
I feel so rejected. I'm only 35, not overweight or anything different to what I was when he met me (when we had a sex life!!). He's 10 years older than me. I feel like I'm missing out. I'm laid here on a Saturday morning feeling alone, rejected and frustrated. He makes no effort at all.
The other day I found myself so frustrated I started searching for porn. I feel like shit. Never had to beg for intimacy before. AIBU to tell him that if he doesn't make the effort I want a divorce? I don't want to live like this. I'll end up having an affair and that's not me.
AIBU?
To tell my husband that if he doesn't start showing interest, I want a divorce?
FrustratedFedUp · 07/01/2017 09:57
I really feel for you because the lack of communication on the issue must be driving you crazy 
Don't have an affair. It isn't unreasonable for you to consider a divorce, but I think you need to say that he needs to start communicating more honestly or you will seek divorce, not that he needs to have sex. He may have ED or be exhausted or depressed, or it may be something that shows him in a worse light, like an OW or just laziness.
Another one who agrees with Milk and I'm glad someone else pointed that out before me. If you was a man talking about your wife you'd be getting very different answers.
I cannot conceive of how humiliating it must be to be forced into the position of a sex-pest with your own husband.
Wow. Nobody can be forced into being a sex pest.
OP, I was in your husband's position in my marriage, constantly being badgered for sex. I would go to bed late, hoping my husband would be asleep, so he couldn't make hints or start groping me. I avoided kissing or touching him because I knew it would lead to him wanting sex. I would pretend to be asleep.
There is NOTHING unsexier than someone pushing you for sex when you don't want it.
I divorced him.
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