My dp moved to be with me 1 year ago and now has a 2.5h commute each way for work, 4 days a week (1 day a week from home). He leaves the house at 730 every morning and is home 830ish. I have a 15 min cycle to work, work full time (9-6ish), plus do out of hours on calls (24h shift once a week, can sleep at home as close to work, 1 in 6 weekends), and have a teaching commitment one evening a fortnight approx.
I do all of the housework, washing, cooking, shopping, cleaning, gardening, laundry and primarily manage bills and admin (we're buying a house and planning a wedding so no mean feat). We both pretend that this is because of his commute but I feel like a big part is because he's never really had to do this stuff and when he does takes 5h to do a job that takes 5 mins. I'm aware that by just getting on with it (I'm efficient and have always been a coper) I'm making the situation worse but he's finding his travelling so hard I don't want to stress him more. Generally I don't resent it too much.
Anyway, being organised, I've found out what he wants for Christmas and have bought presents. Knowing he's disorganised, I've mentioned many things I might like for Christmas. Last year he'd bought me a short trip (we'd both planned) but gave me nothing on the day (we were at his parents house for the first time). Afterwards, I explained that, rightly or wrongly, I'd felt hurt at not having even a small surprise token to unwrap. This morning as he was leaving for work he told me he was feeling really bad and was very sorry but hadn't got me anything for Christmas. I said "fine don't worry about it". He then brought up last year and I said "well what else can I say really?". He then went to work.
I'm not really a materialistic person but a present would've shown me that he has thought about me, considered what I'd like and has done something small to spoil me a bit so I'm feeling hurt. He's a very lovely (if infuriatingly disorganised) guy who was brought up in a very frugal and practical household so I can see how this has happened.
Should I bring it up as it's something important to me, even though he won't have chance to sort it out now, it will just cause an atmosphere pre-Christmas, or let it go? Am I being spoiled?
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To be upset not to get a present?
150 replies
indoorfleece · 20/12/2016 19:34
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