To think that some people have no idea how to conduct themselves?(356 Posts)
I'm fuming this evening. I'm a teacher and work long hours like lots of other people so I'm totally exhausted and may have overreacted slightly to this.
Background information - dh is a cub leader. Not the only leader, but one of a team and one of them ( not sure which one but fairly sure it isn't dh has organised a visit to an activity centre tomorrow.
Having my dinner this evening and a woman knocks on my door. I don't know her but recognise her as a parent if a cub and know she lives somewhere on the road behind me. I answer the door and she starts off saying what's happening tomorrow then? I could tell she was worked up but as I have nothing to do with cubs I have no idea what they are doing and told her so. She was getting note and more upset and asked if dh was in. When I said no she pretty much tried to barge in. Basically she hasn't seen an email about times for tomorrow, has no idea what is going on and was crying and getting hysterical by this stage saying over and over - but I'm a nurse - what am I supposed to do?
She was really over the top and most definitely unhinged and then started ranting about it being unacceptable. I pointed out there was nothing that I could do and all I could do was speak I dh when he got home and see if he knew. I pointed out that he also works long hours and is a volunteer so sometimes he may not email in a timely manner but he is doing his best. (I refer back to the fact that I am pretty certain it is not him organising this event). Anyway she ranted on and on (hysteria!) so I told her she was too emotional and needed to get her shit together. I also told her not to darken my door again with her screaming and ranting and promptly shut the door and went inside.
Seriously there was nothing j could do to help her. I appreciate its frustrating and she just wanted to get organised but to yell and scream at a volunteers wife because they have no idea what is happening is just unreasonable.
She's pretty lucky I didn't tell her to fuck right off as I'm pretty conversant with swear words! I feel I was quite restrained to me. God knows how she'll react if I see her in the street again in our small village. Oh my god, I am actually so wound up. Seriously who goes and knocks on someone's door randomly and act unhinged because you don't know what time you are supposed to be somewhere??!! People are bloody hard work!
OP If she was crying and getting hysterical and saying incoherent things (I'm a nurse) do you think she could be mentally unwell rather than rude? She was clearly disproportionately distressed.
It sounds like more than lack of manners to me.
Tbf for a nurse you sound pretty unsympathetic.
Hate the use of 'hysterical'.
Do you know the origins of it?
She's not a nurse - the woman who knocked on the door said she was.
Not that it was ok to disrupt your home at this time or at all but clearly she is troubled one way or another.
I couldnt read and run, but wanted to say how odd this sounds. She is clearly on the edge and probably needs help, by a counsellor or a GP I would imagine.
No wonder people dont volunteer for things if this type of thing goes on.
No real advice, but i hope its not awkward if you see her again, she may even calm down and say sorry, you never know!
Op isn't a nurse.
I don't know to be honest op.
It sounds like she just lost it. Obviously not your problem but being totally honest here you sound a bit cold about it all.
I sympathise - she was probably totally over wrought after a hard day and trying to sort out her child's Cub night arrangements was the last straw.
NOT that it makes her behaviour acceptable of course.
Just to make you smile (hopefully) - I have a similar Cub related story - I used to be a Cub Leader and one of the older Cubs was not made a Sixer (he hated responsibility, wasn't really interested in Cubs, didn't have the right attitude etc etc etc) - his mother phoned me and was distraught, went on and on about how unfair it was and how he 'would never get anywhere in life because he hadn't been made a Sixer'. I had to work hard to keep my self control, some time later I saw her at an event and she did have the grace to look embarrassed. Had a similar tale once when I dared to fail a Cub for one of his badges.
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seems to be a bit more to this woman than meets the eye, but what could you actually do ? how is your profession relevant ? people are quite rightly going to pick up on that for your 'lack' of empathy, i'd get my hard hat on tbh for that reason alone.
can dh contact her and let her know ? you don't know her situation and may be this has thrown her a curve ball and she lost it as a result.
You sound very cold to someone you recognise as I suppose an acquaintance at best.
She may have been at the start of a breakdown from the sounds of it, the kindest thing to do would be to cover your dinner, make her a cup of tea and sit her down to talk to her quietly.
If she has form for being difficult and going off the handle that's slightly different but this sounds like a one off and she may be going through something even as a nurse.
A bit of sympathy wouldn't have gone amiss and wouldn't have been any skin off your nose.
God knows how she'll react if I see her in the street again in our small village.
Or if she spots this thread on Mumsnet...
sorry about the nurse bit misread it may be she needs to sort child care etc.
I would also question your supposed acceptance to use swear words freely as a teacher, I'm assuming you don't teach this boy, but I'm sure your husband wouldn't be too pleased you're thinking of swearing at the parent of one of his Cubs. Have a bit of decorum.
Worra I do wonder about teachers who in my mind (my mum was one) usually especially in a village have standards to keep up and aren't expected to conduct themselves like fishwives. It's supposed to be a respected profession.
I don't blame OP for being "cold" when accosted by an aggressive unstable woman on her doorstop trying to barge into the house when she was alone with her children, I'd have been terrified! Yes it sounds like the woman has problems but her behaviour was bizarre and none of us know how we'd react when put on the spot like that, fight or flight kicks in when you feel under threat and you just want to get out of the situation as quickly as possible.
Nah forget it, some people are disorganised and entitled and that's their right
to be a pain in the arse but for her to try and make it your problem, when there is absolutely no reason for you to give a shit, that's unreasonable.
It wasn't exactly a life and death situation either, it's a cubs trip.
I'm surprised by posters telling you to be sympathetic. Coming to my house at night, keeping me busy trying to deal with your shit that's not my problem, when I have dinner to make kids to read with and get to bed and then hours of my own work to do (I'm a teacher too), won't make me sympathetic. It will piss me off.
Same could go for nurses too however.
I always recall the local greengrocers family (who were respected and "salt of the earth" always used to refer to my mum as "SuperFlyHigh the Teacher" and almost bow down to her (no sarcasm meant just respect). My mum certainly didn't toot her own horn in that respect and taught miles from where we lived!
'She may have been at the start of a breakdown from the sounds of it, the kindest thing to do would be to cover your dinner, make her a cup of tea and sit her down to talk to her quietly.'
Oh, please. The kindest thing for this gal would be to say, 'Oh, sorry, I interrupted your meal, I'll wait to hear from your H.'
But on MN, there's always some excuse, she has MH issues, she's depressed, she's autistic, blah blah blah.
I don't answer the door at all whilst I'm eating so she'd have got nowhere with me.
Do you not answer the door even if there's a fire outside or an emergency in the street (maybe concerning your car etc??) expat?!
Most people don't bother others during meal times or are very apologetic hence my excuse for the woman coming round. As I said she may have form for this behaviour though, I don't know! And I do hope OP doesn't drip feed with a "yes this woman has form for this behaviour, going off the deep end"!
You're a teacher. She's a nurse. What's that got to do with anything?
'Do you not answer the door even if there's a fire outside or an emergency in the street (maybe concerning your car etc??) expat?!'
Get fucking real! That's hardly going to be someone knocking on your door in that case. PMSL. Don't be so melodramatic, how likely is there an emergency like that in people's lives? And if there were, most people would announce it, 'Police! Fire Brigade!' etc.
Nope, I don't answer my door if I'm eating. Or answer the phone. It can wait.
I sure as fuck wouldn't have let some aggro person in my house with my kids and left my dinner to let her rant away about something I can do FA all about.
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