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To think having a happy and genuine marriage is rare?

(172 Posts)
Yummymummy30s Thu 28-Jul-16 20:05:34

I personally don't know any couples who are genuinely happy.

One couple I know have both had numerous affairs, got caught and separated and got back together yet on Facebook are a big happy family. I think it happens a fair bit.

Other couples I know are unhappy but won't leave because either:
A) not bad enough
B) financially not viable
C) desire to keep the family 'together' too strong
D) think this is as good as it gets

On these boards you read about couples where one partner is abusive. There is physical and sexual abuse but also emotional and financial abuse which is even more common. Many people in these type of relationships don't even realise they are in an abusive relationship.

Then there are the couples who are happy but are unknowingly living a lie. Undiscovered mistresses, prostutute visits, flings with exes. Hidden sexuality or other secrets such as secret children, gambling addiction, drug addiction or other deception.

I am single and my main relationships have ended due to infidelity or ea.

We are told that a third of marriages end in divorce but how many of the remainder are happy marriages?

acasualobserver Thu 28-Jul-16 20:07:48

I think my marriage is happy and genuine. Fools' Paradise perhaps?

cassiewoo Thu 28-Jul-16 20:08:02

I have a very happy marriage smile my husband can drive me mad at times but we have no issues at all.

cassiewoo Thu 28-Jul-16 20:08:40

Apart from his inability to put plates jn the dishwasher...

EarthboundMisfit Thu 28-Jul-16 20:10:03

I think you may well be right.

minsmum Thu 28-Jul-16 20:11:18

I think my marriage is happy we have been married 29 years. We have the usual rows but happy overall

ThinkAboutItTomorrow Thu 28-Jul-16 20:11:36

I'm very happy. Love him more today than when we got together 17 years ago. Not actually married though but don't think that matters for your question.

As far as I know most of my friends are happy but who knows what lies beneath ?

GogoGobo Thu 28-Jul-16 20:11:40

I have a brilliant relationship with my DH - we are a real team. I'd say over half of the couples we know seem to dislike each other and half value their marriage.

Lumpylumperson Thu 28-Jul-16 20:11:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PhyllisWig Thu 28-Jul-16 20:12:00

We have our ups and downs and are quite dull and staid with very few big moments of romance and passion but we are generally happy together. 20 years down the line and we are still attracted to each other, support each other and make each other laugh like drains. Pretty good in my book.

annandale Thu 28-Jul-16 20:12:07

I can write messages about my marriage that sound terrible and others that make it sound perfect - on the same day. Shouldn't think I'm alone.

m0therofdragons Thu 28-Jul-16 20:13:16

You never know what goes on behind closed doors but I naively think my dfs are happy in their marriages. I am and dh seems to be - maybe I'll ask him later when I've finished being a T-Rex later (see other thread).

ILoveAGoodBrusselSprout Thu 28-Jul-16 20:13:34

I have a very happy and genuine marriage. He can drive me round the bend at times I'm perfect so don't do the same to him grin

We have a genuine partnership, we do things for each other, I feel truly loved and cared for and work hard every day to make him feel the same.

SookieandEric Thu 28-Jul-16 20:16:06

No I agree OP.

If I think of the 10 closest marriages (family/friends), 5 have had incidences of infidelity weather an affair, FB messaging, meeting up but no sex hmm yeah right, or emotional affairs. 1 is physically violent. A few emotional abusive or just don't seem to like each other. 1 genuine happy marriage.

notagiraffe Thu 28-Jul-16 20:17:17

We have a happy marriage. There have been loads of times within the marriage when i've been deeply unhappy for other reasons and occasional times when I've been unhappy because I felt bored with him or in a rut or we weren't getting on. But that's going to happen occasionally over a long marriage. The trick is to find out if underneath any irritation you deep down value, respect, care for, like and love the other person, and in his case, I always did, at root.
Over all, in more than 20 years, I love him. He makes me laugh. He's interesting to talk to. We have a lot of interests in common and shared values. He's a good dad. I trust him. He's loyal and romantic and still makes it very clear he fancies me, even though I weigh a good 20b more than I did when we married.

CarlGrimesMissingEye Thu 28-Jul-16 20:17:19

I'm in the happy and genuine marriage camp. We have fun, disagree, talk about life, problems, food and finances etc. We have fun. Do things apart as well as together. We talk about embarrassing stuff and trust the other not to share to others. Most of all I rely on him and vice versa and he has never yet let me down.

Yummymummy30s Thu 28-Jul-16 20:17:24

It's quite encouraging to hear the positive stories - thanks!

grannyinwaiting Thu 28-Jul-16 20:17:50

I have a genuinely happy and content marriage. We get on each other's nerves at times and argue but I wouldn't be without him. We've been married 17 years and I honestly still look at him and love him as much as I never did.

grannyinwaiting Thu 28-Jul-16 20:18:05

Ever not never!

grannyinwaiting Thu 28-Jul-16 20:18:45

He has been with me thought some bloody awful times and stuck with it so I guess he must feel the same 😀

WorldsBiggestGrotbag Thu 28-Jul-16 20:20:07

We have 2 children under 3 and things can be tough. But we're happy. We bicker, we laugh, we cuddle, we moan, we have sex, we enjoy each other's company. Of my 5 closest friends, one has an unhappy marriage and the other 4 are genuinely happy.

Cagliostro Thu 28-Jul-16 20:20:22

Very happy here! We have been through some properly shit circumstances over the last few years and life is tough but, cliche as it is, we are stronger than ever.

My two best mates are very, very unhappy though sad both feel unable to leave, one due to practicalities, one due to money

dizzyfucker Thu 28-Jul-16 20:20:41

I know people who are not in happy marriages, I know people who ended marriages, I know people who have had problems but overcome them.
Of the rest they are happy including me. Perhaps they are all living a lie, including me. But if both partners say "perhaps we are living a lie" then the chances are those are the ones who are genuinely in happy marriages.
I don't know what percentage of marriages are happy, but when you have one extreme, you always have the exact opposite as well. So I'm 100% sure they exist.

LaurieFairyCake Thu 28-Jul-16 20:21:10

Ours is amazing

Very happy. Plenty of sex and love. Loads of arguments about things that interest us that we disagree on. Never any nastiness. We are each other's champion.

My last marriage - not so much hmm(obvs)

davos Thu 28-Jul-16 20:22:48

I don't have a perfect marriage. I have a good and genuinely happy marriage. Me and dh work together so I am pretty certain he doesn't visit prostitutes or have affairs. But who can say 100%?

He rarely goes out without taking the kids. I wish he would go out more grin

My best friend has an incredible marriage. But again who can say that they aren't hiding anything from each other or is.

Personally I think it's natural (especially on MN) for people to be vocal about problems in their marriages, than banging on about how great it is. I can't ever remember having a conversation about how happy I am in my marriage. But I know I have moaned when he has doing something annoying. And I bet he moans about me too.

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