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AIBU?

To be concerned about my intelligent child at school

433 replies

Moomoomango · 26/04/2016 22:28

This is not a boasting post before I get accused! I am struggling with his intelligence not basking in parental glory!

My son is 4 and due to start school in September. He started talking at 8 months, and has never stopped. He is intelligent and head strong, the last 2 days he started to ask about house numbers - within about 10 minutes he had learnt how to recognise numbers up to 100. I've never tried to teach him more than 10 but I was amazed how quickly he absorbed the information. He is really into science and loves discussing ideas such as gravity, electricity, marine life (a particular passion). He loves doing experiments and will quite often talk about gasses such as carbon dioxide. He loves to dissect fish (one of his fave things to do is buy a fish at fish counter) or garden insects to inspect their insides etc. He will quite confidently explain the anatomy of a fish. I am by no means a pushy parent I just answer his questions and follow his lead.

He is thoroughly bored at pre school, the activities as much more directed at younger children, I feel. I went in today and he was just sat twiddling an abacus. He tells me it's boring and he hates it. Pre school say hes withdrawn and not engaged.

I was speaking to a ta friend of mine who said foundation is basically an extension of pre school, lots of play etc. I'm really worried he will become withdrawn from school if it's not stimulating him. I want him to enjoy school and feel happy and confident. Aibu to be concerned? Is foundation very basic in terms of learning? Or will they support very intelligent children? I'm purposefully holding him back from learning to read so that school can inspire him in that way but to be honest he's so close it's painful!

I just want my child to be supported to be who he is.

OP posts:

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kippersyllabub · 26/04/2016 22:32

Step away from the helicopter, lady. The IQ will get him into the Ivy League, the social skills that start off with water play and sand corner are what will help him translate IQ points into career success.

I'm sure your son's school will have dealt with smart kids before. The thing about this being painful for you makes you seem a bit batshit over invested

CatThiefKeith · 26/04/2016 22:33

Dd is summer born and can read supeisingly well so it's not all flying and sticking in reception

CatThiefKeith · 26/04/2016 22:34

Gluing, not flying ffs

hownottofuckup · 26/04/2016 22:34

Funnily enough I was just talking to my SIL who had a similar experience. Her son is an adult now but she did say when he was young she felt alot of pressure to support him because he was so clever, just as she would have if he'd have needed extra support to reach the milestones.
She did say it got better at secondary school (long way off for you!) as the school had a group of similar children to support, but at primary it was only him which made it tougher.
I don't think you're really going to know until he starts school.

Uncoping · 26/04/2016 22:34

GreaseIsNotTheWord · 26/04/2016 22:35

He's obviously intelligent and curious...but in terms of his ability (recognises numbers up to 100, close to reading but not yet) I wouldn't say he's super advanced to be honest. There will be plenty to challenge him in reception IMO and I really wouldn't worry.

ChardonnayKnickertonSmythe · 26/04/2016 22:37

He dissects fish and insects? At the age of 4?

I'd be very worried about the family car, TBH.

ChardonnayKnickertonSmythe · 26/04/2016 22:37

Cat, cat!

annandale · 26/04/2016 22:38

How does he do socially? Does he prefer doing things with friends 1:1?

Nothing stopping you considering home education, is that an option? But he might enjoy reception more. What books does he take in to read? I would have a chat with the teacher about him not engaging, get some more specifics.

ExitPursuedByABear · 26/04/2016 22:39

There be all them books for him to read and sums to do. He'll be fine.

CatThiefKeith · 26/04/2016 22:39

Fucking hell. Missed the dissecting bit in the op.

I'd never sleep at night if dd wanted to do that!

ShamefulPlaceMarker · 26/04/2016 22:39

School's not just about academics. There are many things he will still learn, such as soft skills

Helloitsme88 · 26/04/2016 22:39

He needs to learn social skills and not just academic stuff. He may be bored at pre school, but he should be enjoying time with friends and not always about 'learning' (I'm aware that you learn through everything you do)
Yes the foundation stage is an extension of pre school, but it is more focused, more structured. You learn to do as your told, follow instructions, explore new things and ideas with other peers. I teach Monet to my reception class and learn how to make things as well as teaching hand writing and spelling. we look at life cycles and explore different holidays, cultures and seasons. And most importantly, you're with your friends. You have fun. I think yabvu

JayDot500 · 26/04/2016 22:39

No solutions here but I remember watching a documentary yonks ago about this same issue. I think they got him IQ tested and this opened doors for him.

Don't think you're being unreasonable. I've been told that school resources are often geared towards assisting those who have fallen behind, but obviously you won't know until he starts. I think the most you can do is perhaps approach a few schools you're thinking of applying to and ask them.no two schools will have the exact same approach.

Purplepicnic · 26/04/2016 22:40

If the 'academic' stuff is as easy for him as you say, then spend some time on his social skills, making friends and so on. You don't want him to be an oddball. IMO school is just as much about social relationships as it is learning to read at that age.

flossietoot · 26/04/2016 22:42

He sounds bright but not exceptional. I am sure he will be fine.

originalmavis · 26/04/2016 22:43

DS could count that high when he was 2 (house numbers again). I could read before I was 3 and sadly I am not running the country (yet). No big deal, kids do things at their own pace, and there is always a kid smarter, faster, more curious than yours.

How can a child get bored at preschool - it's play?!

Stylingwax · 26/04/2016 22:45

My just turned 3 year old can write his name, do addition and subtraction and recognise cloud formations.
But he's crap at putting his shoes on and regularly wees on his feet rather than in the bowl, so I'm hopeful that school has something to teach him.

edwinbear · 26/04/2016 22:45

Dd (4) is at private school, in nursery at the moment, reception from September, but a normal 8.30-3pm day Mon-Fri. They started teaching her to read before Christmas, they currently have caterpillars in the classroom and studying their life cycle (waiting for them to become butterflies), and today I believe they were learning about Passover.

They also cover themselves/each other with paint, bash musical instruments together and play in the sandpit because they are 4 and there is plenty of time for the rest of it. We had an open morning last Friday when we could go and see her 'work' in the classroom. Ds (Y2) asked her 'do you actually do any work in here or just play?'. Which is as it should be - they are learning through play.

Iggi999 · 26/04/2016 22:45

You kill insects together??

ShamefulPlaceMarker · 26/04/2016 22:47

Feeling sad for the insects

KindDogsTail · 26/04/2016 22:49

This difficult, but the things that happen in reception are just so important for a child. Just being with each other, playing , going for lunch etc. Even if school slows down formal learning for some children it cannot slow down his mind in the long run.

There may be one or two other children a bit like him too once you get to know everyone and others he would really enjoy playing with.

However clever he is he needs to physically play, do art, sing, run or he could get out of balance with himself.

Once he can read, he can take off with what he reads about. You can take him and any of friends to museums. You can do art and cooking with him etc
Don't worry about boredom yet.

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Lumpylumperson · 26/04/2016 22:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 26/04/2016 22:50

You kill insects together??

I laughed too much at this.

getyourfingeroutyournose · 26/04/2016 22:50

Could you invite some of the kids that will be going to his school in sept over and give them lots of things to do together that you know your DS will enjoy as well as other kids?
Or maybe ask the other parents if they would enjoy going on a day trip (parents and kids together) to the science museum/natural history museum or one of the planetariums (depending on where you live) and show the kids that you can all be interested in the same things xx

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