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To report colleague for bullying/harassment even though I promised her I wouldn't?

(368 Posts)
SandDancerSkye Mon 11-Apr-16 23:42:46

Don't really want to out my career (and myself) but basically we are what is classed as a professional role. I have been qualified just 6 months. My supervisor has been qualified 20 years. In the past this woman has gone from been my best mate to calling me slow and lazy, back to being my best mate again and then laughing at me and slagging me off again. It came to a head when she phoned me and ranted at me down the phone about how I'd done everything wrong whilst she was sat with another colleague. It was embarrassing, demeaning and to be honest, really upsetting. And I don't get upset easy. I eventually spoke to her about it. She apologised, said she felt bad and promised she wouldn't do it again and would back off. For a while it was fine but now, 2 months later the "slow" comments are back, she's having a go at me every time she see's me eating my dinner (we have no set time for meals but all tend to eat around 4.30 - nobody else gets hassle, just me) and today I was absolutely livid. I'd just completed a job which I thought I'd done ok on and other colleagues said I'd done great on - she came in ranting and raving at me in front of other staff members (most of which I am senior to), another qualified colleague and a student. I was mortified. Even if I'd done something wrong I could have accepted it and put it right but she was like a dog with a bone - wouldn't let it go, raved on for ages in front of everyone to the point where other staff members left the building and basically just made me look a twat. She then started raving on about how she'd left an important job with "SOMEONE" (whilst nodding in my direction) and that "SOMEONE" never did it. It was Blatent she meant me, so much so that another colleague said "oh dear sand dancer, wonder who that "someone" is and tried to make a joke of it. Everyone left thinking she was on about me (just how she intended) and when they all left she admitted she knew it wasn't me!!! So why try and make everyone believe it was?? She eventually fucked off and left me alone in the office and I ended up crying. And I'm NOT an emotional person. And THEN she called me from somewhere else and had a go at me over the phone in front of other staff members about something else and I could hear her laughing about me to them in the background.

Anyway before we came home, once everyone else had left she came over and asked if we were still friends whilst laughing. I started crying (for fucks sake) and she made out she hadn't realised I was upset, admitted she was out of order to rant at me in front of everyone and apologised whilst adding "are you going to report me to manager?". She's panicking because she's been accused of bullying twice before in other jobs and one more would prob finish her off. She started crying going on about how she was on antidepressants and thinks she needs time off work etc and I told her it was ok and I wouldn't report it. Yet I've come home and done nothing but cry all night. I'm fucking livid. I look like an incompetent twat in front of everyone now, the student won't know what the hell to say to me tomorrow (although before she left tonight she asked if I was ok and said I'd handled it well!! So I know other people thought she was out of order) and to be honest, I feel like a nervous wreck that doesn't want to do any jobs at work alone in fear of being screamed at.

I told her I wouldn't report her. But the more I think about it the more upset and angry I am. AIBU to report her tomorrow?

Littlefluffyclouds81 Mon 11-Apr-16 23:46:03

Nope. I would make it a priority to do just that, first thing tomorrow.

Bringmewineandcake Mon 11-Apr-16 23:47:40

Definitely report her, she sounds horrid. You don't owe her anything.

fatmomma99 Mon 11-Apr-16 23:48:11

Report her tomorrow - you've got a shed load of witnesses, and this is no way to treat a colleague. Even ignoring the "we are friends/we're not friends" (which you could argue is inappropriate in a work environment, although it makes it more pleasant for everyone) what she's done is totally out of order. Even if everything she said about you is true (and from what you say, it mostly isn't), then that's no way to improve someone's performance.

So - out of order to rant at you
- out of order to do it in front of others
- no opportunity for you to genuinely improve your work
- not true what she said anyway.

Report, report, report. With your head held high. And you can do it under the guise of "I've only been qualified for a short time and want to do the best I can and learn to do things better, but I'm being given no opportunity to correct any mistakes or learn from any that I make".

Good luck. x

SandDancerSkye Mon 11-Apr-16 23:48:51

Just to add, the thing she was screaming on about was very, very minor and could have been dealt with a simple "actually we don't do it like that, can you just ring and let them know?" Instead of "WE CANT DO THAT!!! WHAT DID I TELL YOU ON THE PHONE?? IT DOESNT WORK LIKE THAT!!! HOW COUKD IT POSSIBLE WORK THAT WAY???? HONESTLY YOU NEED TO THINK!!!!" and on - and on - and on - I just wanted to crawl into a hole

gandalf456 Mon 11-Apr-16 23:49:36

Have a proper talk with her and tell her exactly what this is doing to you. Tell her your intentions and give her one last chance to back off. Give yourself a chance to calm down before you do anything. You don't have to report her yet

miserablemoo Mon 11-Apr-16 23:49:54

Please report her. Hope your ok flowers

Greengager Mon 11-Apr-16 23:50:44

You should report it. Not just for yourself but for your company. If she's got form for this then she will do it to others and cause your workplace continued problems. If she's lost jobs over it before then she won't easily change.

GingerMerkin Mon 11-Apr-16 23:51:09

Report her, you know it makes sense.

Lovewineandchocs Mon 11-Apr-16 23:53:26

Sod that, she's had a ton of chances! Definitely report.

leelu66 Mon 11-Apr-16 23:53:58

Report her. Do not trust her. She may complain about you, to cover her back, so I would report asap.

I think she is stressing you out. This won't get better if she keeps getting away with awful behaviour. It's bullying, pure and simple.

2ManySweets Mon 11-Apr-16 23:54:52

Her behaviour is grossly unprofessional so that's reason enough to report her IMHO.

LeaLeander Mon 11-Apr-16 23:55:07

Report this psycho as soon as you arrive. Including her attempt to coerce you into covering for her.

Honestly do you really even need to ask?!

BillSykesDog Mon 11-Apr-16 23:55:19

Report her first thing tomorrow. A promise which is manipulated out of you means nothing.

GabiSolis Mon 11-Apr-16 23:56:29

You must report her. She will not change. So sorry you're being put through this.

looki Mon 11-Apr-16 23:56:30

Report her because even though she might stop bullying you, she will move on to the next person. Her behaviour is totally inappropriate and she sounds like she might need to move/be moved to another dept where she does not have people reporting to her.

Crabbitface Mon 11-Apr-16 23:56:38

Report the behaviour to her supervisor. Even if you try to de-personalise it- her behaviour is inappropriate and damaging to the team. Her anti-depressant excuse is exactly that- just an excuse. If she is not coping at work she should seek support, not scape-goat and undermine junior staff. If you don't stand up for yourself now, your position at work will become unbearable.

RuggerHug Mon 11-Apr-16 23:56:42

Report her and don't ever feel bad. If you want an outsiders opinion, she is a bitch of the highest order. You do NOT deserve her treatment. She doesn't respect you or treat you well, why should she expect that from you. She is not worth it!

Eminado Mon 11-Apr-16 23:57:09

No more chances at the OP's expense - no way!

REPORT first thing tomorrow she sounds like a lunatic and she should not be managing anyone if she can't control herself.

Kuriusoranj Mon 11-Apr-16 23:58:18

Report her, first chance you get. She's a horrible bully and a manipulator. And try not to worry about what impression the others now have of you - I'd be willing to bet this reflects badly only on her, and nobody else takes her criticism of you seriously.

MartinaJ Mon 11-Apr-16 23:58:25

Wow. She sounds like a proper bully. Complain. Her fault, not yours. You don't own her anything.

Crabbitface Tue 12-Apr-16 00:00:54

Do not tell her you are reporting her or talk to her about anything that is not essential for doing your job. If this was a one off incident then maybe but it's not. She has continually bullied you and has form.

SinisterBumFacedCat Tue 12-Apr-16 00:01:02

Report report report. She's had her last chance already.

SandDancerSkye Tue 12-Apr-16 00:03:31

I feel really, really low. After this incident today I couldn't concentrate and didn't do the rest of my work properly so I'll have that to sort out tomorrow now too. I'm getting married in 3 weeks (which she knows), I'm stressed about that. I have headache. It's a difficult job as it is and I just now feel so overwhelmed I want to leave. I applied for another job tonight and I feel depressed at the thought of not getting an interview. If I work with her much longer ILL be on antidepressants. Everyone knows what she's like, other staff members keep asking if I'm ok and admit that they make up jobs just to leave the office and get away from her. I feel like getting my doctor to sign me off on stress but then - 6 months post uni and I'm already off with mental health issues?? Great CV forming there. I'm just furious and deeply hurt and upset.

cozietoesie Tue 12-Apr-16 00:03:31

Report her first thing tomorrow.

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