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Brother and sister in law nasty to me

(195 Posts)
AllHailKingRobb Sun 10-Apr-16 09:12:21

I have just joined mumsnet though I have lurked on threads I see pop up on facebook so thought this was the best place to come to get a straight answer.

This time last year i was with my ex boyfriend and had depression pretty bad, I live in a different country to my brother and sister in law but came home for a week to clear my head. Sil had had depression before and said she was always there to help, to her defense she messaged frequently and even offered to get the anti depressants I am on for me (I pay in my country quite a lot and it's cheaper in england) I refused and managed anyway. She married my brother in june and asked me to be her bridesmaid which i accepted. I split up with my boyfriend in May 2015 and they married in June 2015 so I attended alone. Everything seemed fine.

I will not lie and say during my depression i cheated on my ex boyfriend in December 2015. We split briefly for a week then got back together in April then split in may again. I then dumped him and got with the man i cheated on him with in July 2015.

My new boyfriend had a silly made up name on facebook at the time and brother started taking the mick. I was so upset, he is my new boyfriend ffs! Surely it's nicer to make him feel settled in the family? Brother said he was sorry and thought it was light hearted and apologised but i think he is just mean and nasty. After that my new boyfriend had some issues whcih led to him being in hospital and my brother kept messaging and asking how he was, how i was doing. I i ignored him. He was horrible to my boyfriend and made him feel like rubbish so I didn't want to talk to him anymore and i felt like the messages were to try and make him "good guy" and i don't buy it

In about august sil uploaded a photo about how water could be thicker than blood and her and her friend commented on the photo, she only normally uploads jokey photos or quotes she likes that dont have relevance to her but her and her friend commented below which i feel was digs at me. I thought this was so rude. I knew it was about me but she then had the nerve to message that week asking how the depression was and i ignored it. She claimed she also posted me a necklace for my birthday but i never got it. hmm She said it was signed for my end though on her tracking service (she sent it to my ex boyfriends house, i did tell her to as I was still moving my stuff out and going back) the signature she said was not readable so she got her money refunded. I just don't believe her. That photo was clearly aimed at me.

Anyway my two newphews birthdays are in the summer. I did send something for them but i did not pay for recorded and it got lost. My brother let me know nothing was received. He said not to worry, it happens but I could tell he did not believe i had sent it.

After this i had enough! I stopped liking anything by sil and brother on facebook. He had been nasty to my new boyfriend and she was uploading nasty memes, they are honestly a nasty pair of work! I chose not to send anything to my nephews for xmas either, why on earth would i? we wasn't talking and this is where it all blew up. I hadn't replied to any messages from brother and sister in law had withdrawn from facebook posting (think she restriced me) My brother messaged me some time last year asking what was up and I told him about the meme, he says sil had been upset about not much contact with her brother (apparentely somethng boring happened like they lost their family home) and her brother had not been in much contact trying to sort it and she felt upset. I don't believe this. She never once mentioned before about losing her family home all though i know she now has and she never mentioned on facebook about her brother.... seems like a cover up and she feels bad for being childish.

It was my brothers 30th not long ago and I am pregnant with my new boyfriend and i am so happy about it. I simply messgaed on his birthday Happy birthday brother, have a lovely day and you are gong to be an uncle. He didn't reply and I was so annoyed. He is about to be an uncle and doesn't care??! I blocked him on facebook and did the same to sil. I can't be bothered with them.

Sil then messaged and i think it was nasty. She said she wants to sort it out all of us, it's silly, she said my brother didnt reply as he didn't know what to say. WHen it old him i was pregnant i had been with my new bf 7 months so he thought it was all rushed and she said he was concerned about me due to my issues with the depression and worried it was all hasty. How judgemental can you get?! Rather than just congratulate me he was just judging me on my choices! She also said she felt it was quite nasty ignoring the kids. Why would i send stuff for the kids when they have been horrible to me?! She's being nasty expecting a card for them after the way they have acted! She then had the cheek to say my eldest newphew asked about it. He is 6. why would he ask why he didn't get anything for me? Just to make me feel bad. He clearly never asked about me at all.

I ignored it anyway and told my mum and my cousin and aunt. They didn't say much but mum has said my brother is judgemental to so i think she's on my side. She has now fell out with my brother to which makes me think even more she is on my side. She called my brother a black sheep before so i know she regards me higher than him.

Anyway aibu? Why on earth would i sent gifts when they have been nasty and sil uploads things clearly aimed at me? I just want to stay out of touch now and won't ever talk to them again unless they apologize.

londonrach Sun 10-Apr-16 09:14:36

Your 6 year old nephew is a separate person to your brother and sister in law. He is also a child. Id send a small something to him every birthday and xmas.

DownstairsMixUp Sun 10-Apr-16 09:18:33

If your brother is 30, how old are you? Why didn't this fall out stay between you and your brother? Not understanding why you got everyone else involved. confused

AgathaMystery Sun 10-Apr-16 09:18:55

Stop conducting family business via Facebore. Seriously, YABU.

You all need to grow up, sort yourselves out, delete FB & appreciate what you have - a BIL & SIL who seem to care & a little nephew who you have ignored over a meme

hmm grow up

curren Sun 10-Apr-16 09:18:57

I think it all sounds really petty.

You have no idea if something I fb is aimed at you. You fell out with them for having a laugh at a silly name on Facebook.

You seem quite smug about your mother regarding you higher.

I have no idea if these things were aimed at you. If they were you are all quite petty.

FuckSanta Sun 10-Apr-16 09:20:24

You've chosen to think the worst of your brother and his wife - possibly because of your depression. It's entirely possible the meme was not aimed at you but you've made up your mind and that's that. Telling your brother you were pregnant on Facebook was childish in the extreme. You need to grow up. You sound like a 12 year old.

herecomethepotatoes Sun 10-Apr-16 09:20:36

It sounds like a little joke about a boyfriend's name (current? ex? ex-ex?) got out of hand.

You don't believe they sent you a necklace for your birthday but are offended that you think they don't believe you did.

"They didn't say much but mum has said my brother is judgemental to so i think she's on my side. She has now fell out with my brother to which makes me think even more she is on my side. She called my brother a black sheep before so i know she regards me higher than him."

" I stopped liking anything by sil and brother on facebook."

Comments like this suggest you (and perhaps they) need to grow up. The longer you leave it before making friends again, the longer it will be.

TheHiphopopotamus Sun 10-Apr-16 09:20:41

You all sound about 12. Get off Facebook for a start.

I'd be interested to know how your SIL was going to get some anti depressants cheaply for you though.

AugustaFinkNottle Sun 10-Apr-16 09:20:43

Frankly you all need to grow up and stop living your lives on Facebook.

herecomethepotatoes Sun 10-Apr-16 09:21:01

*the harder it will be

Lunar1 Sun 10-Apr-16 09:24:46

I think yabu, though it's difficult to tell form the post. I get the impression that you see every little thing as a slight against you.

You are not related to your sil by blood but her brother is so it seems likely they are being honest about that one.

Why do you think it's not possible for your gift to have gone missing but they are just lying about sending it. Yet in the next breath you are criticising them for not believing you about your nephews gift not arriving.

I think you need to look at the bigger picture here, there is probably fault on both sides, is it really worth cutting your family off over. They tried to contact you many times which you ignored. Your brother ignores you once and you are cutting them off till they apologise.

Can't you see your hypocrisy?

AllHailKingRobb Sun 10-Apr-16 09:27:22

My sil said she'd lost her family home due to something that had happened and apolgised in the message to me, that she never usually does stuff over facebook but got upset about it and she deleted it shortly after but that just made me think even more it was about me. She doesn't put much stuff on facebook as she doesn't have many friends on there (about 90) that's why i was shocked when she put it on there and i still just think it was about me!

The joke wasn't out of hand he was just plain nasty. He must of known how awkward it is getting to settle in with new in laws.

It wasn't just a meme either it was a clear did. I don't get why i should send stuff for him when they have been horrible. confused

Newmumma85 Sun 10-Apr-16 09:27:52

You are being very unfair and treating your nephews very badly. They are children and won't understand why you are ignoring them. You sound very petty and have been spiteful. It's totally understandable for people who love you to be concerned about your wellbeing. Pregnancy and a newborn are incredible emotional and difficult experiences.

Hope your pregnancy is going well and you resolve your family issues. Sometimes it is better to be the bigger person and reach out than continue to be angry.

44PumpLane Sun 10-Apr-16 09:27:58

Christ- you sound like a total child! YABVU not to send your nephew gifts, the kids have done nothing, you've not fallen out with them and frankly that's just nasty.

This all started because your "new" bf has a silly jokey fb name that your brother took the piss out of a bit?!? Ridiculous! If you have a stupid name on Facebook of course people will take the piss a bit.

This all sounds like way more drama than I see from my 13 year old niece- grow up!

PPie10 Sun 10-Apr-16 09:28:21

You sound like you invented some scenarios and judgements in your head about your Db and sil and have set out to see them as nothing but against you. You sound like very hard work.

He has a valid concern for you struggling with depression and falling pregnant with someone new immediately after being with someone else. All the rest sounds like petty issues from your side.

Your Db and sil sound like kind people who tried a lot of effort with you. And now you want to 'show them' by not getting your nephew a gift? Just shows you are entirely the problem here. You are too full of drama

Jitterybug Sun 10-Apr-16 09:28:58

You shouldn't have not sent your nephews something, you are still their aunty whether you have fallen out with your brother or not.

You expect your brother and sil to care about your baby, when you ignore their dc.

It all sounds a bit ridiculous to be honest, tit for tat, hidden meanings etc. Very petty.

FuckSanta Sun 10-Apr-16 09:29:03

He must of known

YABU. It's "have".

MidnightVelvetthe5th Sun 10-Apr-16 09:29:27

You're all twats.

You told your brother you were pregnant on his birthday by facebook? wtf who does that! Then you have a tantrum because he didn't reply!

They are both bastards & you are perfect & have never put a foot wrong, that's what you want to hear isn't it?

HTH biscuit

PlaydoughBarbershop Sun 10-Apr-16 09:29:33

Agree that you should have sent something even just a card. Why would you punish a child? Tbh I don't think your brother or sil have acted outrageously. To say 'something boring like them losing their family home' is quite insensitive. Not every post on Facebook is directly aimed at you. They sound like they want to make amends. Life is too short. Patch things up and then enjoy being pregnant.

BrienneofQarth Sun 10-Apr-16 09:29:38

So you've cut off your brother over a bit of misdirected banter and a meme on Facebook?

Well done. You have been awarded my first ever biscuit

Bailey101 Sun 10-Apr-16 09:29:43

Yabu. If someone has a silly fake name on Facebook, why would they expect people to take it seriously? You sound very juvenile to have cut off your brother and sil over some perceived slight that probably is even real.

You need to get some perspective, they're trying but you're having a temper strop.

DonkeyOaty Sun 10-Apr-16 09:31:35

I think remaining out of touch with them is for the best

curren Sun 10-Apr-16 09:32:38

It was a joke and he apologised.

You started ignoring them. You blew this out of proportion. They have tried to make amends.

I can imagine you brother is worried about you. You suffered depression, cheated on your BF, got with the ow and are now pregnant in a short space of time. If that was my sibling yes I would be worried.

Especially with all the other stuff that's gone off. My Sil posts stuff on FB, I suspect some is aimed at me as its related to stuff she has judged me openly on. But I don't know for a fact as I am not her.

You are at least as much to blame for all this, as them.

PPie10 Sun 10-Apr-16 09:32:39

She lost her family home and apologised to you ? Leaving them alone would be best, you sound unhinged and a nightmare.

pinkdelight Sun 10-Apr-16 09:32:50

Honestly it sounds like very minor misunderstandings at most, which you have blown out of all proportion and made worse, possibly because of your depression and perhaps other issues in your life, but really, you need to stop feeding the fantasy that these people are "nasty", let go of all this largely imagined slights, and draw a line under it. And communicate at least on the phone, not via FB and the apparently unreliable postal service. If you want to make things better for all of you, start by sending your nephews a gift, not by trying to recruit other family members to "your side" of this nonsense rift. YABU.

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