Aibu to ask how do you know you didn't want anymore children?

[2016ismyyear]

We've been trying for 18mths for a final addition to our family. It has taken 2 years for DP to agree to try.

Last week I suddenly got a sense of feeling like I had made peace with the fact we are unlikely to have any more and started to imagine life without anymore children.

I saw a friends newborn baby today. Often a classic trigger for broodiness. Nothing!

How did you know you were done with having anymore children?

[neolara]

Because I would dream that I was pregnant and wake up in a cold sweat. The relief of realising it was only a dream!

[LegoLady95]

When I got rid of the baby equipment. We said we were done after 2, but I put everything in the loft and we even moved house - taking it all to the next loft...

So we had number 3. Everything was on eBay the moment she stopped needing it!

[thatsn0tmyname]

Making plans for the future that involve having money and lots of good night's sleep.
Being happy to pass on old baby stuff.

[Casmama]

I think it's the strong feeling that although I love being pregnant and having a newborn , I never want to do this toddler malarkey again - ever!

[monkeysox]

No nappies. No night waking. They can ask for what they want. No pregnant or bf boobs omg the swelling.

[CobblerBob]

after DD (my second child) my c-section wound got a superbug infection. So hideously distressing. Then I got PND.

I called time after that.

[Trills]

It is incredibly strange to me that you think you have to feel that you don't want more children.

I would have thought that would be the default, and that wanting more children would be the state that requires a feeling.

[WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es]

DC1 was always intended to be the first of two so we kept everything as a matter of course. There was never a moment after DC2 when we considered having a third, as soon as anything was finished with it was charity shopped or sold without a backward glance. 10 years later there has never been a single pang for a third baby.

[SaucyJack]

For me- borderline regretting the last one. I most certainly do not want any more. I am very very clear in my mind.

I quite like small babies mind, and I'll always be a bit soppy over them- but fuck me (using at least two methods of contraception)- I am done with toddlers.

[2016ismyyear]

I hated pregnancy but loved birth, feeding and wearing a baby. Our last one didn't sleep for years and had awful reflux though so we are still recovering from that trauma!

I've sold some baby stuff but certain bits I just can't part with.
I'd like the money and freedom to make work financially appealing but still part of me has been torn. Until this past week. Very odd.

[MissMarpleCat]

After having twins. DP had the snip 4 weeks later.

[alltouchedout]

I'm never going to have any more because we can't afford it, dh doesn't want any more and I don't think I could be the mum I have want to be to 4 dc (this is not to say 4 dc is too many to have, I know numerous people who are great parents to 4+dc- I just don't think my own parenting ability stretches that far). But I still 'want' another in that I wish I could have one.

So maybe it doesn't have to be knowing what you want as much as knowing what's feasible.

[GilbertBlytheWouldGetIt]

The relief of coming through the end of toddler phase number 2.
The sheer level of admin required for two primary aged DCs certainly puts to bed any momentary broodiness.

[MorrisZapp]

What Trills said.

I never exactly 'wanted' to have DS, it was more fear of regret etc if I didn't experience parenthood.

And now I have experienced it. So I'm even better placed to know very clearly that I won't be having any more.

[Athrawes]

I knew at 40 I was lucky to have one with no complications and that having a second at 42 or so would pose increased risks to mother and baby. So head over heart.

[MrsOlaf78]

I knew right away I was sticking with one. A third degree tear, a baby with colic for three months, exhaustion and loneliness dominating the first two years of her life. I just struggled with the baby years and felt such relief as each stage passed.

Only now have I been able to go to work and pay off the debts we ran into due to me having to stop working. I adore my daughter and I enjoy her so much more the older she gets but I've always known that I can't go through it all again or cope with two children. I will just have to work through any disappointment she feels and the guilt I sometimes feel about not providing a sibling. It's the lesser of two evils - she would be far worse off if she had stressed and unhappy parents. The truth is we have a happy fun home life because I can concentrate on her and enjoy her. Everyone is different and families come in all shapes and sizes - you just have to do what's right for you.

[IggertyZiggertyZoom]

I seem to be alone in hating the baby time and loving having a toddler/pre-schooler. If I could give birth to a fully formed 18 month old, I'd do it again. The thought of another baby feels me with dread.

[BillSykesDog]

I always wanted a big family but had fertility issues. I had one DS at 33 and am expecting twin DC 2 & 3 later this year at 37. Pre-pregnancy I would have said that I would have liked maybe 4 or even 5 DC. But this pregnancy and the treatment to get this far have been so tough I've now decided this is it and I don't want to go through another pregnancy after this one. I know I'm very lucky to have a family at all though. But it will be complete.

[elQuintoConyo]

One was enough. That was just it. In 4 years neither of us has had a pang of 'hmm how about a 2nd?'.

Strangely I have loved the toddler stage, it was just like having a small drunk in the house whereas newborn-to-9mo (when he could walk) was mind-numbingly boring, although DS was very cute.

I am very much enjoying 4yo. So so glad not to have to do the early drudge work anymore (nappies, bottles, pushchairs, bags of spare clean clothes and wipes etc etc).

[Strokethefurrywall]

Mine is head over heart. I would love 3 in an ideal world, but we can afford a standard of life here (expensive part of the world) that would be compromised if we had a 3rd.
We don't struggle at the moment and have luxuries and freedom and ease of life (as much as you can have with a 4 year and 2 year old!) that we would have to sacrifice if we had a 3rd.
I've happily sold my baby stuff and although I feel nostalgic for the pregnancy, birth and new baby days, the further I get from it the less I want to go back.
So for me, it has been a gradual realization.
Sure, if we had 100k more and we didn't have to worry about private school fees and international university fees then I would say yes to another.

[Thatrabbittrickedme]

In my heart I would love a DC3 but we made the choice to stop at two for financial and pragmatic reasons. DH really has no interest in a third as well so given the practical considerations I've made myself accept stopping at two. I still feel broody though, and at age 37, I still have a few years left where I could change things. I get very broody at times...

[expatinscotland]

When DS, our third, was born. I was nearly 38 and found it all knackering. Just so shattered with all of it. Could truly feel that was it.

Am 45 now and have no regrets. I have nightmares of being pregnant.

[velidhu]

DC2 had colic - never want to experience those few months again! DH had the snip 18mths later.