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Dh accidentally hurting dcs

(179 Posts)
Betternamenow Sun 06-Mar-16 19:29:09

Dh is apparently very clumsy/absent minded. In the last couple of weeks he has tripped and spilt boiling coffee on ds leg, fed him food that was so hot he screamed, went red in the face and drooled everywhere, and fed dd a too hot bottle that resulted in the same reaction (screaming etc)

The first two times it happened I said nothing, accidents happen and obviously he feels bad about it. Third time I had to say something, so it was something along the lines of, 'i know accidents happen but they keep happening to you. You need to be more careful ' He kicked off big time, which is unusual for him. Said I was accusing him (as if I think he's doing it on purpose!) and basically pretty much walked out of the house, leaving me trying to calm down 2 upset dc.

I think he could be more careful, and he needs to be paying more attention, check temperature more carefully etc. Was IBU to confront him over this? Should I have kept my mouth shut?

StealthPolarBear Sun 06-Mar-16 19:29:55

No you should not. You have a responsibility ro keep your children safe.

UmbongoUnchained Sun 06-Mar-16 19:30:34

I wouldn't be letting him feed my kids if he's stupid enough to shove hot food in their mouths.

StealthPolarBear Sun 06-Mar-16 19:30:51

Good thing you didn't throw a strop and walk out isn't it?!

Sparkletastic Sun 06-Mar-16 19:31:23

Is this clumsiness / absent mindedness only noticeable when he is causing harm to the children, or does it manifest in other ways?

RudeElf Sun 06-Mar-16 19:31:47

Is he fucking thick?? Why isnt he testing the food and bottles before giving them to the children? Thats not clumsy thats lazy and not giving enough of a shit. I'd be looking to skin him.

SusanAndBinkyRideForth Sun 06-Mar-16 19:32:21

No YANBU. I think his over reaction probably is a result of his guilty conscience.

Once is an accident. Twice is unfortunate, but 3 times in a short space of time needs talking about.

ghostyslovesheep Sun 06-Mar-16 19:32:25

are you concerned it's not accidental?

ChristmasZombie Sun 06-Mar-16 19:33:01

Of course YANBU! He needs to kick his brain into gear!

MadameJosephine Sun 06-Mar-16 19:33:06

Yanbu! Anybody can trip and spill something accidentally but not checking the temperature of a child's food or bottle before feeding it is just basic parenting surely?

eosmum Sun 06-Mar-16 19:33:40

Has he always been like this or is it recent? And the kicking off big time you said that was unusual could there be a medical reason?

StealthPolarBear Sun 06-Mar-16 19:33:58

Not giving enough of a shit just sums it up imp

Betternamenow Sun 06-Mar-16 19:37:45

No, not worried at all he's doing it on purpose, would never cross my mind, nor would it need to.

He's generally one of those 'incompetent' dh, currently being discussed on chat. Just doesn't notice things.

He said he did test, but didn't think it was so hot. I know it's easy to do, I've fed ds too hot food before, but never that bloody hot, just a tad too warm.

Yes, unusual reaction, but don't know about medical reason.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Sun 06-Mar-16 19:37:53

Of course you shouldn't have kept your mouth shut. Your priority are your children not sparing his feelings. Yes absolutely accidents do happen to the best and careful of us, but who on earth gives a baby/children food/bottles without firstly checking the temperature.

Lurkedforever1 Sun 06-Mar-16 19:38:18

Agree with rude it's not accidental or clumsy, just inexcusable negligence. And not good enough.

Betternamenow Sun 06-Mar-16 19:39:26

Also want to add he's a fabulous father and apart from when he works, he takes care of them a lot and never shirks responsibilities for them. Just this issue...hmm

LetThereBeCupcakes Sun 06-Mar-16 19:41:10

Jeez, whatever you do don't let him run them a bath!

He sounds like my DH in that he lashes out when he feels guilty. He would never, ever apologies or accept responsibility, just gets angry and deflects blame.

RudeElf Sun 06-Mar-16 19:42:54

He said he did test, but didn't think it was so hot.

Bollocks. He went through the motions is what he meant! Either that or he needs to see his GP about this condition that means he cant detect heat. It is quite a dangerous condition to have and he needs to start planning life around keeping himself and his children safe if that is indeed what he has. Its not enough to say "oops".

AnyFucker Sun 06-Mar-16 19:45:42

He is incompetent

Probably on purpose so that he will get to opt out of the things he doesn't want to do

There is no the reason that I can see here

AnyFucker Sun 06-Mar-16 19:45:56


Quietlifenotonyournelly Sun 06-Mar-16 19:51:02

Why don't you get one of these? Start using it yourself and tell your DH to use it if he's giving the DC food or drinks.

mygrandchildrenrock Sun 06-Mar-16 19:52:03

One of my sons has sensory issues, doesn't feel pain/heat etc. as most people do. He isn't a father yet but I expect it could cause problems in the future!

Quietlifenotonyournelly Sun 06-Mar-16 19:52:16

Posted too soon
Drastic measure maybe but he's no excuse for feeding the too hot food then.

StableYard Sun 06-Mar-16 19:52:37

I actually think it is quite neglectful. We all have accidents and make mistakes but being adults, we also learn from them and don't tend to repeat the harmful ones.

BastardGoDarkly Sun 06-Mar-16 19:53:45

You did absolutely right on pulling him up on it.

Has he come back?

I'd be tempted to say.... Of course I dont think you've purposely burnt the children's mouths, but you must agree that it can't happen again? Test everything on your bottom lip first if you have to. and don't slop coffee on The kids you oaf

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