To be really irritated by the 'motherhood challenge'

(294 Posts)
Kitkatmonster Sun 31-Jan-16 07:20:27

I'm sure you've seen it, it's taking over my news feed. I seem to be the only one who thinks this is a nonsense, and a bit worrying as the number of photos of Friends of Friends' children that I've seen this weekend is actually scary. Does no one lock their page down as private anymore?! Aibu in getting irritated and wondering how many women have shed a tear secretly over seeing this, the ones battling infertility, having accepted infertility, the ones right now miscarrying a longed for baby. It seems insensitive and crass, who needs to post photos to the fb world that make them happy to be a mother? What about the mum with PND who gets inadvertently tagged? Isn't something like this likely to make her feel pretty rubbish? Are we all just so selfish and desperate to show off our perfect families that we have to take a 'challenge' like this without any concern for the people among our friends who might be experiencing one of the above? Seriously, AIBU? Am I taking this too seriously and getting irritated by a bit of fun?! It's really fucking bothering me.

OP’s posts: |
HardleyWorthit Sun 31-Jan-16 07:22:52


wherethewildthingis Sun 31-Jan-16 07:23:26

I agree with all your points, I keep hiding them from my feed. It also annoys me that this stuff is never directed at men- it's all part of parenthood still being considered a women's role and it winds me up to hell!

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Sun 31-Jan-16 07:24:20

Sorry but I do think you are taking it too seriously.
It's just an excuse for people to reminisce and post a few pic of them with their kids as babies.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Sun 31-Jan-16 07:26:21

I feel for people going through infertility. .have been there..but it's the infertility that sucks not other people and their children.

Washediris Sun 31-Jan-16 07:26:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Katenka Sun 31-Jan-16 07:28:04

Can someone link some info on it?

I don't know what it is.


ToriaPumpkin Sun 31-Jan-16 07:28:22

It's the "Nominate ten women I think are great mothers" bit that wound me up. Because everyone I don't nominate isn't a good mother?

confusedandemployed Sun 31-Jan-16 07:28:56

I loathe it as well. I also loathe all the navel-gazing shared posts about breastfeeding / not breastfeeding / co-sleeping / not co-sleeping, blah blah blah.

When did procreating become something which women are proud of, as if it was something unusual or a major achievement? Don't get me wrong, I love my DD more than life itself but I'm only doing what most women who ever lived have done. I don't expect a pat on the back.

strawberrypenguin Sun 31-Jan-16 07:29:07

YANBU. No one has tagged me yet thankfully but if they do I won't be joining in as I know I have at least one friend on FB who has been ttc for a couple of years.

wonderpants Sun 31-Jan-16 07:29:10

Nobody has nominated me as a great mother cries

However, because the photos show on the timeline of anyone you tag and all their friends also see it, I've seen some very personal and intimate photos of people I don't know!

Tigresswoods Sun 31-Jan-16 07:30:13

YANBU. I was nominated yesterday & while I'd LOVE to post I remember where I was 7 years ago. We were struggling to conceive & while I had no where near as bad a journey as others I was in bits at every scan or baby photo online.

I just can't post as I hate to think what others are going through.

Kitkatmonster Sun 31-Jan-16 07:33:52

where the wild thing is I forgot I could hide stuff! Just spent a very satisfying few minutes doing that. Yes, friends of friends' personal photos of children/babies etc all over the place, I'm not that interested, but they don't know me and I could be anyone?!

OP’s posts: |
WhereTheFuckIsWonderWoman Sun 31-Jan-16 07:34:00

I've been nominated and I'm ignoring it at the moment. Yes I post the odd favourite photo of me and DD but that's when I choose to, not because I want to jump on some sort of band wagon. I also don't think I could come up with 10 people who would be in the slightest bit interested in doing it. My security settings are as tight as I think I can get them but that won't stop loads of other people seeing my photos as soon as you start tagging people. You're reliant on their security settings then and I don't like that.

TeamAgamemnon Sun 31-Jan-16 07:34:45

YANBU. If people consider others to be 'taking to too seriously' or that it's just a bit of fun or whatever it may well be because they have not had the same heartbreaking experiences as others. I'm 9 months pregnant now but having experienced infertility I would never dream of taking part in this sort of shit because I know the effect it can have on others.

scarlets Sun 31-Jan-16 07:35:23

Whilst it's nice to see friends' children as babies, these posts are a bit annoying, and ubiquitous. That said, they should be taken with a pinch of salt, like any other Facebook fad.

PenguinsAreAce Sun 31-Jan-16 07:37:04

I'm also not keen on this and won't be doing it.

On the infertility/miscarriage point, though, surely anything I post about parenthood/kids could be upsetting? We passed a significant 'last' milestone recently. Should I not mention my twinge of sadness at moving onto the next phase in case it triggers something painful for my bereaved/infertile/struggling with newborn friends?

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Sun 31-Jan-16 07:37:12

Teamagamemnon I do think people are taking it too seriously and i have been through the experiences before eventually having DD after major surgery.

Oysterbabe Sun 31-Jan-16 07:38:01

I think all these things are bullshit and I wouldn't take part but you can't live your life trying not to offend anyone. Should I never mention my mother so as not to upset people whose mother has died? I have every sympathy with those struggling with infertility but I have a new baby and I'm going to put the odd pic on FB. People are welcome to infriend or hide my feed.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Sun 31-Jan-16 07:38:36

I agree penguins. DD can't speak and won't be independent. This is hard.

I would never think others should stop posting "what my kid said" or about their kids leaving home.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Sun 31-Jan-16 07:43:46

People I know who are bereaved find comfort in posting photos of their children, too.

eurochick Sun 31-Jan-16 07:47:15

Yanbu. I lived through years of infertility. When this popped up on my feed my first thought was how many people will find it hurtful.

Birdsgottafly Sun 31-Jan-16 07:47:30

My DD didn't 'play', after she was tagged, because two of the other people tagged aren't great Mothers, lost residency etc.

She just put a nice status up, instead, not to offend the tagger.

So, on the same not, can I object to everyone mentioning their DH, because mine died, or going somewhere by car (temporally can't drive through Medical issues), or having a 'nice' house (I'm in a small HA house) etc.

They're are people, including children, dead on a beach, fleeing war, again.

That cuts us all out then, from ever complaining about anything (including infertility), seeming as its a, problem, points scoring exercise.

TeamAgamemnon Sun 31-Jan-16 07:50:26

Some people will have had bad experiences and still be ok with this this sort of thing, and that's great. Many will be going through infertility etc just now and I personally do not want to take the risk of being insensitive towards them. FB can be hard enough when you are dealing with heartache, never mind when this sort of thing is plastered all over it.

Posting photos of babies, families etc is totally fine, that's friends sharing normal, happy lives. It's the self-congratulating tone of 'proud to be a mother' and 'motherhood challenge' aspect that grates for me. A bit like these posts that say shit like 'you'll never understand true love until you love your child' or some such nonsense.

I think you either find it insensitive or you don't, and that's fine, but personally I agree with everything the OP has said.

strawberrypenguin Sun 31-Jan-16 07:52:21

I do put up the odd photo of DS but I think something like this 'challenge' could be more hurtful to my friend. I don't live my life to not offend people but I can use common sense!

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