Wibu? Dragging my son across the room?(318 Posts)
My son is 6 and was being a pain at bedtime this evening. I asked him repeatedly to come to bed. I just kept getting an outright no from him as he lay on the sofa. I asked and asked nicely, then I told him, then I shouted at him. Still saying no and basically being rude. I threatened him with dragging him off the sofa to his room, he still refused. So with 2yr old in arms I pulled him off the sofa by his arm and dragged him halfway across the room. I wasn't rough and was going to stop by the doorway in the hope that he would get the message and get up and walk.
I was stopped by my husband who yelled in my face scaring my 2yr old, shouting that "if I ever see you do anything like that again I'll slap you across this room!" He then took both crying kids off me, took them in to the bedroom and closed the door.
I was shocked. I'm now sitting in the car outside not wanting to go back in.
Not sure what to do now? Wibu?..... Tag, I've never dragged him before, he's never been so resistant before and my dh has never yelled like that before
I would be bloody raging if dh dragged ds across the room by his arm tbh.
You dragged a small child accross the room by his arm and you are wondering if you are being unreasonable?
Did your dh sit there watching your six year old refuse to go to bed? Did he sit there watching while you struggled with both your dc?
Your husband lost the high moral ground when he said he would slap you across the room.
You were completely wrong and dealt with your son badly. I can understand why your husband was so upset but he dealt with you badly, too.
Was it your son's first day back at school? Could he just have been knackered?
Look, of course you shouldn't drag your child across the room! That goes without saying doesn't it?
I would have just left him. His punishment is not getting enough sleep tomorrow and being cranky at school.
He will learn himself.
Dragging is unnecessary imo. Your husband's threat was also although I understand out of anger and spur of the moment.
If my DH dragged our son across the room by his arm I'd be fucking furious too. It's a disgusting thing to do to a child. He shouldn't have screamed in your face though, especially given that you were holding your toddler, but I can understand why he flipped like that.
Your husband shouldn't have said what he did, he may have been shocked to see what you were doing. How gentle could you have been when carrying one child and dragging another?
But why were you holding 2-yo and dealing with the six-year old? Why couldn't your husband have dealt with one or the other?
That's a really difficult one. Depends on lots of things.
How is your dh normally. If he is a good dad, husband and person then I would be inclined to look at my own behaviour.
Also it depends on whether he feel you are heavy handed.
Honestly I wouldn't be impressed with dh dragging the kids, especially with the other one in their arms. I would expect him to ask me to take one while he dealt with the other. But it's really hard to judge if ywbu as I wasn't there to see the force you used etc.
If he was there, why didn't he sort one of the kids while you sorted the other.
Wait until he comes down and ask him what he thought he was doing shouting and threatening you like that in front of the kids?
Then ask him why, if he had heard what was going on, he hadn't come and taken the 6 year old to bed before you were reduced to physically taking him off the sofa?
Then ask what method he suggests next time your 6 year old gets stubborn, which he will.
Then ask him if he would mind thinking before threatening. As his wife, mother of his kids, does he really think you were going to damage either of them or that threatening you with physical violence, in front of them, was really good for them or you?
Then shout at him in any way you choose to, HE has scared you, upset the kids and seemingly ignored the fact that your 6 year old has escalated his behaviour and it needs dealing with now, before it becomes a habit.
Oh, have a hug until you get calm again (())
It would never even cross my dh's mind to threaten to slap me. Ever. So that is telling, IMO.
If my husband did that to one of our children I would throw him out. It is do utterly at odds with what I believe about parenting. 6 is really small. My DS is 5. If someone did that to him he would be terrified.
Why did you do this with your 2 year old in your arms? It seems like a needlessly physical way to deal with a situation. I'm not sure how you can drag someone across a room by one arm without being rough, and it sounds like you backed yourself into a corner by threatening that instead of some other more appropriate sanction.
I think you probably made a poor decision in getting physical in the way you did, but your husband's reaction was hardly any better and threatening to hit you really undermined his point about physical punishment if that's what he intended.
Dragging a child is never a way to deal with things. The husbands reaction doesn't negate the behaviour to a child.
It sounds like neither you nor your husband controlled your anger.
its completely normal for a 6yo to try their luck and disobey. Totally normal, a right of passage. What is not normal is resorting to physical force to emphasise your authority.
Your husband threatening to slap you and inflaming the situation must have been terrifying for the kids. I've no sympathy for you.
I'm sure you'll get some soft soaping, liberal bloody hand wringing from someone. From me it's - Both of you sort your shit out and get to some parenting classes.
It might have been better to scoop him up rather than drag him. I don't understand why you had your 2yo as well and your DH wasn't helping until he flew off the handle though. Sounds like it could all have been avoided.
Yeah, I wouldn't be impressed if it was the other way around.
The dragging didn't seem that bad to me at the time, we play many rough and tumble games were dragging and swinging is involved and I was more gently than when we are playing. But, yes due to the context of me dragging him and me telling him off beforehand I do understand that I was unreasonable.
No your husband shouldn't threaten you but it probably was out of anger and shock.
Quite frankly I don't think a bunch of strangers on the Internet are going to say yep drag your son across the room. How appalling. Sorry got my judgey pants on.
How would you feel if you were dragged? I'd get out of the car go see if your kids are OK. ? I'm not sure what to advise about what to say to your DH.
Ywbu. In perfecting parenting planet you would have informed him of a consequence "go to bed now or no TV/xbox/whatever" tomorrow. However, we arent always the most sensible when stressed out at the end of the day. Dragging still unreasonable though.
DH unreasonable too. If my exp had ever done it id have wanted to slap him too but i would never have threatened it. Certainly not infront of DC.
Your kids were exposed to a shitload of aggression tonight. Make it a one off and work on your calming techniques so things dont escalate again.
My dh has just responded by saying why wasn't he helping you op
Sounds like you have had a horrible evening and I hope it gets better.
I do think that whilst your husband might not approve of your strategy with your 6 yr old he was hardly setting a good example by threatening you with violence in front of your children.
Not sure if you were being u but you sound like you were at the end of your tether.
BTW I'm not saying your husband threatening you is ok. No one deserves to be threatened. You should when things are calm address that, maybe counselling. ?
For what it's worth, I don't think we need parenting classes. We are both generally calm people. Dh has never threaten me before or the kids, we rarely yell at the kids and Neither of us have ever physically punished them. Obviously until today, by me!
If I didn't have 2yr in arms I would have likely picked him up, and took him to his room. I think it was the restriction of not having both arms free.
My dh was in the room the whole time, watching me ask ds. But I think he just expected ds to get up and come with me eventually as he's never been this stubborn before, just saying no over and over. So he certainly wasn't expecting it to escalate as quickly as it did.
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