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AIBU to think my friend has moved to fast

(252 Posts)
AnotherManicMonday Wed 28-Jan-15 16:05:13

I have a friend who is also my neighbour I've known her for 2 years and both have DDs that are the same age. We're both single parents but over he last year I have met my now DP.

We're quite open with each other and chat a lot and let the DDs play together. She recently started online dating because she knew it would be difficult to meet anyone in RL. I completely support her if that's what she wanted offered to babysit her DD and do nursery runs ect if she ever needed me too.

Recently she started speaking to a guy online, they've never spoke before so after a week she agreed to meet him and they did she seemed really happy after and it was great to see her so cheery with a smile on her face.she told me she wanted to see him again but would be difficult with her DD I said I'd babysit and she was happy.

2 days after there first date she decided to invite him round her house with her DD there, he stayed over and has been there for the last 5 days with her and her DD. Over the last two days I've heard him shouting and swearing at her DD and now she does the same. This morning I heard him shouting and swearing at the DDS and she was crying then 5 minutes later him telling her DD he loves her and she wouldn't say it back after my friend was prompting her she lost her temper and shouted "say I fucking love you too now"

I feel so bad for my friends little girl having this strange man come into her life when my friend doesn't really no him and to have a strange man shouting and swearing at her sad Is there anything I can do to help her? She's a beautiful little girl and I'm worried for her

UterusUterusGhali Wed 28-Jan-15 16:07:09

Yes. Call social services.

UterusUterusGhali Wed 28-Jan-15 16:07:51

I know that sounds glib, but I genuinely would in this situation.

JaneFonda Wed 28-Jan-15 16:08:57

Oh gosh that is so sad, poor little girl. sad

I would phone SS - I'm not sure exactly what they could do, but perhaps some checks could be run on him - this man could be absolutely anyone.

I don't usually say that because I don't want to sound dramatic, but no one is protecting this child and I think you have a responsibility to report it.

angelos02 Wed 28-Jan-15 16:09:54

That is awful. Having a stranger around her young DD. And he is a stranger.

Lj8893 Wed 28-Jan-15 16:10:40

Yep i agree. SS. Who knows what his shouting and swearing could progress onto?!

expatinscotland Wed 28-Jan-15 16:10:55

I would call SS, too.

YoniversityOfTheFurredAge Wed 28-Jan-15 16:11:43

Phone SS, but be prepared for your friend to have a totally different (or minimised) version of events for SS. Could you also speak to the little girl's school or nursery as well?

crazylady12 Wed 28-Jan-15 16:12:01

Anything could be happening don't hesitate I would probably call the police if I heard someone shouting at a woman like that I would it's domestic violence even worse if it's a little child

WeAreEternal Wed 28-Jan-15 16:12:42

I would also call SS.

Caronaim Wed 28-Jan-15 16:14:16

call NSPCC anonymously. they can call social services on your behalf, without bringing you into it. You are still going to be neighbours to this couple next week after social services have been round.

Clobbered Wed 28-Jan-15 16:14:26

Bloody hell.

Have you spoken to your friend since this man moved in? What does she have to say about it all?

It sounds like you know her quite well - isn't it time you gave her a reality check?

NorwaySpruce Wed 28-Jan-15 16:18:12

Was there no sign over the last 2 years that your friend could treat her child that way? Or that she had in the past entered into that kind of relationship?

Five days seems a very short time in which to turn your entire parenting/life philosophy upside down.

You may find that there have been issues in the past. What happened to the child's father?

How would she react if you went over and asked what the hell she was playing at?

AnotherManicMonday Wed 28-Jan-15 16:19:28

Thanks for the replies.

SS is a possibility but she will no it's me that would have called them when they mention the swearing as she lives on the end and me next to her.

She was so open about it all until a day after he started staying then she went really quite and I haven't spoken to her much.

She said herself it would be a long time of dating before she let him meet her DD and blah blah and I agreed saying you can't have a stranger around your child just way to risky and she agreed but obviously changed her mind.

They all share a bed too, her room is next to mine and her DD has always slept with won't settle elsewhere so I hear them in the night and him telling her DD to shut up and go back to sleep


AnotherManicMonday Wed 28-Jan-15 16:22:00

She's always had a short temper with her DD and snaps often and even swears which she knows I don't like or do but nothing I can do about it. She is a quite nice person, doesn't have much of a social life so I understand why she wanted to start dating again and that's why I offered to babysit her DD anytime

MorelliOrRanger Wed 28-Jan-15 16:23:54

Poor baby.

cozietoesie Wed 28-Jan-15 16:24:57

They all share a bed?

BitchPeas Wed 28-Jan-15 16:25:03

If she's been lonely and he's saying all the right things I can see how this has happened. But you can't let it carry on. Please call SS. It will only get worse if this is what it is like after a week.

ginmakesitallok Wed 28-Jan-15 16:28:33

Why not speak to her about it? Tell her you are worked about her and her dd as you can hear him shouting

Caronaim Wed 28-Jan-15 16:30:29

ok, if the NSPCC wouldn't work, ring the school synonymously, with no details, just asking them to ask the child about her home life.

PtolemysNeedle Wed 28-Jan-15 16:35:19

Ugh, what sort of a mother is this woman!?

That's disgusting, I would absolutely report it to someone. Maybe call the NSPCC for advice.

squoosh Wed 28-Jan-15 16:39:40

That poor little girl. What a depressing and distressing situation for her. Definitely speak to someone.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers Wed 28-Jan-15 16:45:20

Wow. The sharing a bed thing is a huge red flag. Not necessarily for sexual abuse (though it's a risk) but this man hates this child and she's so vulnerable when she's asleep in a bed with him.

Please call social services, and tell her you have. I'd have to confront her if I were you.

WiltsWonder15 Wed 28-Jan-15 16:46:17

Ugh, what sort of a mother is this woman!?

Desperate; with low self-esteem; needy; lacking in confidence; eternally optimistic; wilfully naïve; selfish; at the end of her tether; emotionally incontinent; unlucky in love; foolish; forever seeing the best in people; hoping to provide for her daughter....all of these things and none.

The point is, we don't know.

Nor can we say that she has moved too fast - not all fast relationships fail.

What we do know is that a child is at risk. Therefore a call to SS or NSPCC to discuss and seek advice would be wise.

Good luck. Poor little girl sad

AnotherManicMonday Wed 28-Jan-15 16:52:20

I understand that she is probably lonely ect.. But to have a stranger around your child practically living with you after you've known them for a week and met them once does seem to be moving way to fast to me.

I think I'd rather try and talk to her first before I contacted anyone else but I get the feeling that she's keeping this to herself because she purposely hasn't said anything when before she mentioned everything. But if I was to message her I wouldn't no what to say or how to say it

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