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AIBU?

Awkward christmas family shite...AIBU?

149 replies

Aintnobodygottimeforbronchitis · 21/12/2014 00:54

AIBU to tell my Sister that we are not doing christmas dinner at six p.m. To accommodate her BIL?
Basically my kids have to wait all day for Christmas Day to begin just so that we can wait for her DH's brother to arrive in the UK from Australia. (Who we've only met once before).
Wtf am I going to do? Do I tell her no we are not sacrificing our entire Christmas Day and we will do our own lunch or do I let her know that she IBU and ask if she will compromise somehow? AIBU?

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Mollymoofer · 21/12/2014 00:57

No you're not being unreasonable at all. What if his flight's delayed? Are you supposed to wait? Get on with your day. He'll probably be shattered when he arrives anyway and won't thank you for formalities. Much better for him to slip into a relaxed household where everyone's enjoying themselves.

BOFster · 21/12/2014 00:57

I doubt he expects or will even feel like a big meal after getting off the plane. Just eat when you normally would and save him a plate just in case. I wouldn't even discuss it- it's common sense.

BlackeyedSantaStuckUpAChimney · 21/12/2014 00:57

where are you celebrating?

AdoraBell · 21/12/2014 00:59

As above.

Just tell her what Molly said and then get on with your day as planned.

Aintnobodygottimeforbronchitis · 21/12/2014 00:59

Sorry I should add that I will look like a twat to my BIL if I mention anything because it is his brother and my sister wants to keep the peace.

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FourFlapjacksPlease · 21/12/2014 01:01

why does delaying the meal mean you're waiting for Christmas day to begin? It's just a change of mealtime, presumably the rest of the day can stay the same? Not saying you shouldn't do your own thing if it bothers you btw, just not sure why the time you eat is such a big problem?

Aintnobodygottimeforbronchitis · 21/12/2014 01:01

We were celebrating at my Dsis house but we are practically next door to each other.

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Gabriola · 21/12/2014 01:01

yabu. If she's cooking the lunch she can serve it at whatever time she likes. Can't you just have something at lunchtime to tie you over? Will your kids even notice?

Cabrinha · 21/12/2014 01:02

You don't have to not have Xmas Day until 18:00 though.
He's coming all the way from Australia! I'd happily make it dinner at 18:00, though it wouldn't be flexible if there was a flight delay.
Just have a nice brunch and do all your other Xmas things.
I think it would be lovely to wait.

Cabrinha · 21/12/2014 01:03

You'd only look like a twat because you're being a bit twattish though!
18:00 just isn't that late.

Fanfeckintastic · 21/12/2014 01:04

yabu and over exaggerating

Sceptimum · 21/12/2014 01:04

Maybe you could do a supper with him - leftover sandwiches for you and save him a plate so he isn't eating by himself. But yeah, YANBU - I have done that trip loads of times and he will probably desperately want a shower, some healthy non-plane food with flavour and a bed within a couple of hours.

Aintnobodygottimeforbronchitis · 21/12/2014 01:04

I have two young children and don't fancy sitting down to eat a heavy meal at gone 6pm followed by desserts galore. That's traditionally done at lunchtime so that you have time to digest your food and then have your feet up by about 8pm.

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chocolatescones · 21/12/2014 01:06

Is 6pm too late for your kids? We've always had Christmas dinner at about 5/6pm and it's great! We do loads of fun stuff all day and don't spend half the day feeling overly full/ sick.
I agree with pp that your DH's brother may not want a meal anyway but if it does stay like this honestly it's not that bad!

Inertia · 21/12/2014 01:08

If your SIL is cooking she can serve dinner when she likes.

Why don't you do Christmas dinner at your house , and then go to hers after they have eaten?

Aintnobodygottimeforbronchitis · 21/12/2014 01:11

So we won't get to see family until late on Christmas Day? All for some stranger? It just doesn't make sense to me.

Plus, as other people are saying, he might one even want to sit at a table for two hours and chat if he's knackered, in which case, we will have hung about all day for jack shit.

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BOFster · 21/12/2014 01:12

Ah, I hadn't realised you weren't hosting. Just have your usual Christmas Day, go light at lunchtime, and don't expect the kids to eat too much while you are over there. You are making a huge deal out of not very much.

BOFster · 21/12/2014 01:15

How long do you generally expect to spend with family on Christmas Day? Only a few hours, surely? Why the biggie to do it a bit later in the day?

DontWorrryBaldrickHasACunningP · 21/12/2014 01:15

YABU. Either suck it up or do your own thing.

minklundy · 21/12/2014 01:16

Tbf he may be a stranger to you but presumably your dsis's husband knows him quite well.

mellicauli · 21/12/2014 01:18

I would do your own thing and go over to say hi later on. If he wanted to do the whole Christmas thing he should have arranged to arrive the day before. We only have so many Christmases with our kids when they are young. Why waste one hanging about for a stranger.

WoodenGo · 21/12/2014 01:18

He might be a stranger to you, but he is your sister's BIL. Since she's hosting the dinner it's fair enough she gets to say when it will be served. You sound very unreasonable about the whole thing.

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QuinnTwinny · 21/12/2014 01:18

Sounds like you've made up your mind and think you're NBU. Personally I think you are. Sounds like your sister is trying to find a way to accommodate everyone (including someone flying in from Oz!) and you're just digging your heels in. And you live next door.

riveravon23 · 21/12/2014 01:24

I don't understand the problem.

I always cook Christmas Dinner for lunchtime, always have. Guess everyone has their routine. But this year because one of the guests is working, I have changed the time to 6pm, so we can eat together. We'll have a nice light lunch earlier on, no problem. As I am both a parent/grandparent and foster parent I have many children to consider, as well as very elderly grandparents, but none of them minds waiting until then. I'm being even meaner and saving some of the presents until after dinner too, no one minds. I don't quite understand why this is upsetting you, but I wish you a Happy Christmas anyway.

Aintnobodygottimeforbronchitis · 21/12/2014 01:26

Mellicauli, that's what I thought. It's all inconsiderate if you ask me. It's not how I want to spend my Christmas Day.
I'm not saying she shouldn't have her dinner whenever she wants but just dont expect me to be there.

We are all supposed to be cooking and taking it round so she's not doing all the cooking.

My problem is how do I tell her that I don't want my day planned that way without upsetting BIL.

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