to plan to meet for lunch at a time that fits in with my 18 month old?

[backtotheplanet]

My parents are retired and my sister works for 1 hour a day in the late afternoon and is currently studying part time. They wanted to arrange to meet for lunch in a restaurant where they live which is no problem for me at all. I suggested meeting at 12 so I can get my active 18 month old DS1 settled and started on lunch, in the hope of keeping him occupied and avoiding over hungry and tired meltdowns and this was all agreed.

My Sister called the evening before and asked to if it was possible move the time because 12 is a 'bit early for her' and she has been a bit 'nocturnal' recently (she doesn't have children btw). Unfortunately my explanation of why I had suggested 12 didn't go down well (it was not the immediate agreement was hoping for) and although we could have been a little flexible with the times, I didn't get the chance to work it out. She very quickly lost her temper and in the end she called off the lunch.

This is not the first time my family have expressed mild shock at arriving anywhere this early in the day and I'm finding myself in a difficult position. My son wakes at 7, generally eats around 12 and sleeps around 1:30 -3:30 /4. My family really don't do mornings and its always difficult to find a suitable time to make everyone happy. We can be much more flexible in each others houses but restaurants are one of those places that my son just wants to explore and run around in. He will eat, but not sleep and can do about 30 mins max in the high chair. For other reasons that I won't go into my mum wanted to meet in a restaurant this time.

AIBU to ask my family to meet a bit earlier so that we can eat lunch at a time that fits in with my son? Is 12 really too early?

When I apologized to my mum for the lunch being called off she did say 'well, lunch is usually at 1 o'clock'

I am feeling really disappointed that my family, who don't seem to have any obstacles to getting to the restaurant at 12, other than what time they get up in the day, can't be more understanding.

[whatareyoueventalkingabout]

could you compromise at 12.30?

[AndIFeedEmGunpowder]

Oh I'm sorry. I'd be upset too. I think people who don't have kids, or had kids more than 10 years ago often just don't get it! I know I didn't before I had children.

[TinyTear]

I like lunch at 12 as well... and I have a 2yo so know the issue...

Sometimes now I try and get her to nap beforehand (she never naps more than 1 hour) and then lunch afterwards, but then she is groggy from the nap and doesn't eat as much...

if you family are not morning people I'm afraid you will have difficulties sorting out a convenient time. maybe meet for mid-afternoon tea and scones?

[Thumbwitch]

Sod 'em.
Noon is fine for lunch.
But if you really want this meal to go ahead, I suggest you get there yourself at noon, get your DS settled and fed, tell the rest of them to turn up at whatever time they feel like, and you leave when you've done. You might only overlap for half an hour, but too bloody bad. That way, they get their late lunch, you get your early lunch, your DS gets his nap at the right time and if they don't like it, tough.

[Thumbwitch]

(I have a nearly 18mo toddler too, btw, in case that wasn't obvious enough from my reply! )

[QueenofallIsee]

Your sister stomped off and cancelled a family lunch when she didn't get her choice of time? And your Mum thought that was OK?

They sound nice

[struggling100]

YANBU. With an 18-month year old, you take priority over someone who can't be arsed to get up at a reasonable time!!

[Funnyfoot]

Why did you apologise?

For lunch out to be a pleasant and enjoyable occasion for all then it is better that you DC is fed at the normal/routine time. Adults (most) can slightly change their routines and plans without little disruption, with children especially under 3 it is not so simple. If your family cannot accept that then it is their problem not yours.

YANBU. Up until mine were about 3/4 all our social plans were done around their meal times. It was easier and I didn't have a hungry/tired or grumpy child to deal with.

[HappyAgainOneDay]

....wants to explore and run around in

Really?

[Fairylea]

I have a toddler with a routine like yours. I would do lunch at 12 or no lunch. Your sister is being daft. It's hard trying to have lunch out with a toddler anyway let alone a knackered one wanting a nap. People without young children just don't understand and they don't have a need to either - they don't have to deal with the fall out later from an overtired little one. Lucky them.

[HandragsNGladbags]

YANBU. If one person has a genuine reason for wanting to make a certain time, and you can fit in then you fit in. Anything else is churlish.

My DB and DSIL always moan 12.30 is too early for them to eat to fit in with my pre-schoolers. Of course the fact I had my 21st dinner at 5.30 so their then pre schoolers could come is now long forgotten about

[Thumbwitch]

I think it's somewhat odd that your family cba to get up in the mornings as well, what a peculiar way to live!

[cestlavielife]

give him lunch at 12 then let him sleep in the buggy at his usual nap time. while you eat with sister etc . simples.

[Finlaggan]

I have an 18 month old and wouldn't take him to lunch at 1.00. Even if I could keep hunger at bay he'd be so grumpy as it would be close to nap time it wouldn't be enjoyable for anyone. I'm on your side!

[FidgetPie]

You aren't being unreasonable - they equally probably wouldn't appreciate having a grumpy toddler disrupt a later meal.

I know my dad (who prefers lunch at 2) finds lunch at 12.30 in restaurants a bit odd/annoying but he understands why and doesn't complain. And if we eat at home,we go with 2pm and give DD a snack at 12 and she might naps through dinner / play / join in.

I have friends without kids who roll their eyes at lunch at 12 but I would expect better understanding from family.

As another poster suggests maybe you guys eat at 12 and the others join u as and when - so me and DD sometimes skip straight to main courses whilst others have starters etc. Or I take her for a walk whilst others enjoy a leisurely dessert. That way everyone can do what works for them.

[betty10k]

Totally normal to fit around the person who has the child as if the child isn't happy it doesn't tend to be a very enjoyable lunch for anyone.
We went for mother's day lunch yesterday with my mil and we ate at 2.30pm after his nap - they were completely okay about this (if it had been my parents i don't think they would have been so keen as they are older and more set in their ways)

[RiverTam]

12 is perfectly normal for this age, so I would stick to your guns there.

However, please don't allow him to run around in restaurants, that's very dangerous, for him and for others carrying hot food and drinks.

I would avoid restaurants completely for the mo - when he gets older and you can be more flexible you can go back to them.

[irregularegular]

YANBU

Call if brunch if it helps.

[zumm]

YANBU - they are. Esp your parents who ought to have some empathy. If they are so stubborn then fine, 1pm next time, but feed DC at noon and then let DC sleep through the adults' meal (actually that's not a bad plan. You'll get some peace!).
If sis wants to see DC (and I question whether she really does!) then she'll know to meet earlier in future.
Don't worry, this baby stage doesn't last forever. A shame your parents can't remember that, though.

[pommedeterre]

How do they work?! Weird. Your sister sounds like a bit of a knob to be honest.

12 is when they eat as toddlers. Mine are now 2 and 4 and I can stretch it to 12.30 if its somewhere i know will be quick and give us bread asap!

[Viviennemary]

I think 12 is a bit early for lunch but you need some give and take if people want to meet up. So I would agree. YANBU.

[backtotheplanet]

Thanks so much for your replies, I feel much less alone! Its been bothering me a lot and I couldn't sleep last night wondering if I was being unreasonable.

I never wanted to be the kind of person who made everyone fit in with me and yes whatareyoueventalkingabout I would have moved the time to 12:30 (although I don't think that would have been late enough). Unfortunately, my first response being to explain why I had suggested 12, instead of offering an alternative time straight away, moved the conversation onto the wrong path I think.

thumbwitch Thank you for your kind reply and yes, my family can be peculiar. I identify with Saffy from Ab Fab a lot ...

RiverTam Thanks for your reply. Don't worry, I totally agree with you. I don't actually let him run around, but that's what he'd prefer to do rather than be in the high chair

[BlackeyedSusan]

we had to fit round fil's insulin and lunch early. fortunately I had flexible children(so disorganised normally) and they coped... with change of time. we always tried to meet near us so that when the time limit was approaching, we could make a run for it.

I put my foot down at taking ds for another meal at the posh restaurant that takes 3 hours to eat... fine when he was on milk and lots of sleep, not fine when he was moving and protesting at confinement.

yanbu. not to worry, this phase will pass in a few years..

[UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea]

YANBU, they sound pretty inflexible.

[PenguinsEatSpinach]

I hate lunch at 12 (and have two little ones myself) so tend to try and avoid it. But I wouldn't have thrown my toys out of the pram. I tend to suggest brunch, or afternoon tea, or lunch at someone's house, etc in these circumstances.

OTOH, if it suited your mum too I'd definitely put up with it as a one off.