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To hate stupid wedding dress codes

(165 Posts)
Lambzig Wed 19-Mar-14 10:06:27

Can I just have a quick moan about wedding dress themes imposed on guests?

DH and I have a wedding to go to in June where just had the invitation and the women are asked to wear white (the men black tie).

I look hideous and washed out in white and never buy it. I now have to try and find a flattering white dress. My DD4's dress will be white for ten seconds. I bet the bride is wearing a red dress and thinks she is being oh so original.

It makes me feel like I am photo shoot backdrop rather than a guest.

Before you say don't go if you don't like it, it is a good college friend of DH, I have known the groom for ten years, we don't live close, but see them about four times a year and it was looking forward to it.

Vatta Wed 19-Mar-14 10:09:38

Agreed, it's annoying. Unfortunately you just have to suck it up!

I find some shades of white are much better on me than others, for me it's bright pure white, anything sort of creamy white looks terrible. Maybe experiment a bit?

Also presumably you could wear bright accessories - a shawl/pashmina in a bright colour would look good with white and help you not feel washed out

BlackeyedSusan Wed 19-Mar-14 10:10:35

did it state how much white?

TravelinColour Wed 19-Mar-14 10:10:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

justtoomessy Wed 19-Mar-14 10:12:00

I bet there is going to be a lot of orange, fake tan people at this wedding!

Poor you. How about ivory?

Thetallesttower Wed 19-Mar-14 10:12:46

What a pain! I agree that this makes you feel like an accessory and like your presence is not enough. Plus some people aren't going to look good in white- lots of older people wouldn't wear it normally (ok if you are a 20 year old wearing a white nightie style dress) and it's inconsiderate to make everyone buy new clothes just for this occasion, especially something that then really can't be worn to another wedding as etiquette dictates you don't usually turn up in a long white dress!

ViviPru Wed 19-Mar-14 10:13:48

The only white (ish) dress I own is my wedding dress. I'd wear that for shits & giggles. Have that, loony dresscode bride.

Thetallesttower Wed 19-Mar-14 10:14:38

It would be quite tempting to turn up in a big white merengue wedding dress though, complete with veil. Presumably the bride is thinking it will all be tasteful strappy summer numbers, not that people will reuse their own wedding gowns. Could be fun?

Supercosy Wed 19-Mar-14 10:15:29

God, that is so controlling and weird! I would be annoyed too, not least because I look horrible in white and would probably neve wear it again.

LuciusMalfoyisSmokingHot Wed 19-Mar-14 10:15:33

Since its black tie for the men, maybe you might be able to do monochrome or something like that.

Thetallesttower Wed 19-Mar-14 10:15:43

Crossed posts with Pru- but let's face it, most people only have their wedding dress as a white dress, I bet there's a few in there!

Ugh- I guess you have to suck it up and go but I would be peeved too.

SilverOldie Wed 19-Mar-14 10:16:30

YANBU - if I were to wear a white dress I would look like a ghost, my skin is so pale. I think it's an imposition to dictate what guests should wear. I know you can't not go but could you wear cream or ivory? Anything's better than white.

LuciusMalfoyisSmokingHot Wed 19-Mar-14 10:16:51

Also, yeah, it'd annoy me too, I wore black and red for my sisters wedding.

Lucky for me she aint a control freak.

ThePartyArtist Wed 19-Mar-14 10:17:19

I agree with TheTallestTower!
Can you interpret it loosely, e.g. pale colours, or a white accessory? I imagine there'll be a variety of interpretations amongst the guests?

wyldchyld Wed 19-Mar-14 10:19:56

In some ways, it can be done well - at a cousin's wedding, she asked everyone to wear a red accessory or piece of clothing because she wanted to commemorate her Dad who'd died of cancer six months before the wedding. It could legitimately be a small piece of clothing so people who disliked red could just wear a bracelet or necklace or something but it was nice =). I don't mind a request like that to wear a coloured accessory or to try incorporate a colour into an outfit but the all over colour scheme? Hate it.

LuciusMalfoyisSmokingHot Wed 19-Mar-14 10:20:01

Something like that maybe.

Optimist1 Wed 19-Mar-14 10:20:38

Black and white?

2rebecca Wed 19-Mar-14 10:22:39

I've never been to this sort of wedding and think it's very self indulgent to try and tell guests what to wear unless you're having a fancy dress party. I don't wear white, even my wedding dresses weren't white so would consider declining unless a close friend. If it was a close friend I'd probably tell them that I thought asking guests to buy expensive formal clothes in a colour they hate and may never wear again was a bit controlling. It may make her realise that the concept is nice but the practicalities of it just pisses people off, and do you really want matching grumpy women in dresses they hate at your wedding.

Lambzig Wed 19-Mar-14 10:22:53

Vivi, I was thinking of getting one of those made in China bridal gowns (you did say wear white), but probably a bit mean.

Have changed wording slightly so I don't out myself. Dress code specifies Black tie for men and boys, ladies and girls in white evening dresses please.

DH is happy as like most men he is deluded he looks like James Bond in black tie.


I am going to end up wearing a hideously expensive dress I hate, aren't i?

Thisvehicleisreversing Wed 19-Mar-14 10:23:22

Would they turn you away on the day if you are wearing the wrong colour?

I'd wear whatever I already had suitable for weddings. I hate white and wouldn't buy something new that I'd never wear again. I'd feel unhappy and uncomfortable all day.

If they get funny on the day I'd say I wouldn't be any photos if that was their concern.

MrsPresley Wed 19-Mar-14 10:23:25

Sorry but when the bride and groom pay for your dress then can dictate what you wear!

Just wear whatever colour you like, what are they going to do? Send you home again?

ViviPru Wed 19-Mar-14 10:26:35

Joking aside, last summer I had 6 weddings to attend, and it was the devil's own job to find a nice dress that wasn't white....

Lambzig Wed 19-Mar-14 10:27:37

Maybe I need to get in touch with some others who are going and see what they are doing.

As a guest you want the bride to be happy, but I wonder if she will be faced with a room full of people ignoring it. (I know it might be the grooms idea too, but we know him quite well and can't see him coming up with this one).

If she had said black or white I think I wouldn't be moaning so much.

I think if I wore say blue and every other woman there was in white, I would feel dreadful and rude.

2rebecca Wed 19-Mar-14 10:27:59

A white evening dress? They definitely want film extras not friends.

LuciusMalfoyisSmokingHot Wed 19-Mar-14 10:39:13

They are gonna be a couple who does those stupid "running towards the camera" photos, arent they?

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