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to bottlefeed newborn because I have a toddler?

(169 Posts)
NoobyNoob Thu 20-Oct-11 12:58:38

Before I post this, I don't want this to turn into yet another BF/FF debate. This isn't my intention whatsoever, I want to know if IABU or not.

I've made the decision to FF DD when she arrives in Jan. I EBF DS and he will be just short of two when she arrives.

I've chosen to FF because of ease and convienience but I can't help but feel that IABU. It's been on my mind since DH and I discussed it a few months ago, and although he backs me in whatever decision I make, I feel guilty because I'm doing it for my own ease.

When I breastfed DS, I remember the feeds lasting for half hour/40 minutes some days and I can't do that when she arrives because it's not fair on my son. I do want to breastfeed again as my experience of it was a very positive one, but I can't for the life of me work out how I fit it around DS - especially if we're out and about.

Even though I'll have family around initially to help, they live abroad so I'm pretty much on my own in the day when they go back.

So, AIBU and does anyone have any advice on how it might work if I was to BF with a toddler around?

going Thu 20-Oct-11 13:01:06

I found bf with a toddler easy. Easier than ff because I didn't have to make up and sterilise bottles. Not all FF babies feed quickley and some can spend as long as bf baby taking milk.

ScaredBear Thu 20-Oct-11 13:01:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

benandhollyandgaston Thu 20-Oct-11 13:02:42

I really wouldn't ask this here.

FWIW I mixed fed my DD2 after a week because feeds were taking all day (due to tongue tie not diagnosed and corrected til 4 months). I figured that was better than going straight to formula.

blackoutthesun Thu 20-Oct-11 13:02:56

yanbu

you'll be doing the feeding so your choice

also do think you might be better getting this moved

SoupDragon Thu 20-Oct-11 13:03:27

Well, I think you need to get this deleted and then repost it in Breast/bottle feeding asking for advice on how to make breastfeeding work.

Kellamity Thu 20-Oct-11 13:03:51

Remember though you are so experienced at BF because you've done it before. When your DS arrived not only was he learning how to do it but you were too. Next time it's different, you'll know what you're doing -at least more then you did first time around. If you want to do it why not give it a go - how about give it a month and reassess or reassess at any point if it becomes too much.

I just remember when my DCs went onto FF it was so much more labour intensive than BF.

Haribojoe Thu 20-Oct-11 13:04:20

I don't think it's unreasonable, at the end of the day you have to do what is right for you.

IME having had one FF baby and two EBF babies I have found breastfeeding easier/more practical when juggling the other children as well.

Maybe see how it goes when the baby arrives.

Ultimately you have to make a decision that feels right for you and your family smile

minimisschief Thu 20-Oct-11 13:04:28

you could always do both. Or see how it goes with bf and ff and see which one works best

there is no need to feel guilty about anything and i must admit i am a bit sick of people being made to feel guilty about whichever you choose

SoupDragon Thu 20-Oct-11 13:04:50

I say that because of this comment " I do want to breastfeed again "

you need to look at it from the other direction I think and ask for held and advice.

pinkdelight Thu 20-Oct-11 13:04:50

Your DS will be fine. What do you think the problem will be? If you're in, he'll play with his toys or toddle around or, god preserve us, watch CBeebies. If you're out - well, you won't be out that much in Jan, and if you are you'll be somewhere indoors where he can play with toys, toddle etc. It's only the first few weeks where the feeds take a while and at that stage they're so little you can still do stuff whilst feeding anyway. I don't really see how it'll be any easier bottlefeeding anyway. You're still stuck feeding the baby for however long.

Happymm Thu 20-Oct-11 13:04:57

My DD was 22months when DS was born. I made up a box of special toys and books, that were only bought out during feeding. She either played with something special, or we cosied up and I read stories till my voice cracked

I was more prepared too having been through it once. And sometimes I cut short feeds if necessary, and he wasn't allowed to just nuzzle and feed so much as DD did with me dozing off and sleeping/feeding.

It was hard, but it is manageable. I had to use a routine though, far more than with DD, who basically did whatever she damn well wanted nothing changed now she's 7

AKMD Thu 20-Oct-11 13:05:17

If you didn't want a BF/FF debate then why did you post in AIBU? confused If you want advice, the Breastfeeding / bottle feeding forum is here.

Feed your baby how you like. Formular won't kill her <shrugs>

valiumredhead Thu 20-Oct-11 13:05:21

YANBU it's completely your choice.

reallytired Thu 20-Oct-11 13:05:49

Why don't you breastfeed in th early days so that your child at least gets the colostrum.

It takes time to feed a baby however you choose to feed. Mothers who bottlefeed a toddler also find it hard. At least with breastfeeding you don't have to make up feeds or wash up bottles.

SoupDragon Thu 20-Oct-11 13:06:08

For a start, you can breastfeed on handed and have one arm spare to hug your DS and read a book or something. A fabric sling is invaluable here.

ilovemydogandMrObama Thu 20-Oct-11 13:06:22

not sure how long it takes to feed a bottle of formula? Is it really that much quicker? I don't know

If you aren't sure what to do with toddler when you are feeding, CBBC is your friend.

Tangle Thu 20-Oct-11 13:06:26

I've heard people suggest having a basket of books/toys that you can help a toddler with while BF - might be worth considering?

If your only reservation on BF is how to make it work logistically, why not wait and see how things go while you have your family around? You don't know how quickly your DD would BF, or whether she'd be any faster/easier with a bottle and you can't know until she gets here and you're a few weeks in. If its looking problematic then you could try a bottle and see if its any easier. If you don't try you'll never know...

LiegeAndLief Thu 20-Oct-11 13:06:42

Hmm. I have no experience of bottle feeding but have bf a newborn with a toddler in tow. He watched quite a lot of tv and fortunately would sit for quite a long time reading books with me, but the stage where dd fed for hours didn't last very long, and then it was very very easy. She did a lot of feeding in the evening when he was in bed as well.

When we were out I used to take snacks that would keep him still if we had to sit somewhere for a while, or go to the playground with friends so that someone could keep an eye on him whilst I fed dd. I also learned to feed standing up pretty quickly! Had a sling as well which helped a lot.

If you are ffing though, won't you still need to stay in one place for quite a while whilst you actually feed the baby? I suppose it might be more predictable, but you will also have the faff of making up bottles etc.

MidsomerM Thu 20-Oct-11 13:08:05

YANBU of course, as it's your life and your family. But one thing I will say is that if you enjoyed breastfeeding last time then why not give it a try this time? You can always switch if it doesn't work out.

My DS1 had the one-hour breastfeeds, in that way that only first-born children can. But with DS2 things had to change. I couldn't neglect DS1 while spending hours feeding. So DS2 learned to power-feed! He was much quicker, so it all worked out fine. I'm a single parent and I really couldn't face the hassle of sterilising bottles and all that faff.

As I say, don't feel pressurised into either course of action, but I sense from your post that you'd quite like to breastfeed again but you're worried it won't be possible with a toddler. I wanted to reassure you that it may not be a problem.

Iggly Thu 20-Oct-11 13:08:27

Can you try BF then introduce bottles? Your little one will need a lot of hands on attention regardless of method.

I have to say, this has crossed my mind as expecting DD in December and DS will be 2.2 so worried about the long feeds. Although it did get better.

A friend of mine has managed with an 18 month old an newborn so must be possible!

NoobyNoob Thu 20-Oct-11 13:09:32

OK, I'll email the mods and get it moved, thanks for the advice thus far.

AKMD - I really don't want a debate about it. If you don't believe me then fair enough. I wanted to post here because I geuinely wanted to know what people though. We are all adult enough to discuss it amicably without it turning into a bun fight.

MamaMaiasaura Thu 20-Oct-11 13:11:12

Definately agree this is wrong place to post this.

YABU on the basis of not looking at how it could work and yaNbu as it's your choice.

For me personally I plan to ebf my imminent arrival <looks pointedly at my large bump.. hurry up> and I had a 3 and 11 year old. Will be tandeming a bedtime nurse for a while too. Also the idea of faffing around with bottle, sterilising etc seems like a lot of work, so I'll be lazy parenting grin got a closer sling that I'm gonna try too.

Sidge Thu 20-Oct-11 13:12:47

A newborn needs feeding one way or the other and FF won't necessarily make life easier.

A 2 year old can be entertained whilst feeding takes place, whether BF or FF. CBeebies is your friend, as is a basket of sticker books, story books, Duplo etc.

If you've bf before and are keen to do so again then having a toddler isn't really a complete barrier to bfing again.

TanteRose Thu 20-Oct-11 13:13:43

My DS was born when DD was only 17 months old. I live overseas, and had NO help whatsoever.

Breastfeeding was much easier the second time around, and as others have said, there was none of the lounging around all day, waiting for baby to have a long, leisurely feed every time.

My DS, luckily, was a right guzzler grin I would put on him on, he would get on with it and I could read a book with DD etc.

He wasn't held as much as she was, I would have to put him down when DD needed her nappy changing etc.

Try with breastfeeding and see how it goes smile

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