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to think crying in work is just a bit weird?

(194 Posts)
RedHotPokers Wed 07-Sep-11 16:23:52

I don't know what it is with the women people in my office. They just seem to cry an awful lot. I find it bizarre.

Recently my colleagues have cried for reasons including:

1. Someone being a bit 'off' with them on the phone
2. Losing some unsaved work on the PC
3. Feeling unappreciated
4. Being asked to take on an additional piece of work cos someone is off sick
5. Even because they left their purse at home would you believe!

Since when was it the done thing to run off to the toilets sobbing every time something a bit stressful happens.

I can honestly say I have never cried in work. If I have been a bit pissed off or stressed, I take it home with me (rightly or wrongly). I would be mortified at the thought of sitting weeping at my desk!

AIBU to think people should get a grip?

(And btw, my workplace is one of the least stressful I have EVER worked in. Think public sector admin, no threat of job losses currently, and very few people working past 5pm).

SnakeOnCrack Wed 07-Sep-11 16:27:47

I have cried at work -

the day after my grandmother died (in the toilets though, was discreet)
a time when I got an unjustifiable telling off (again in the toilets, nobody knew)
a time when a very MEAN man shouted at me (unfortunately this was in front of a couple of people but I was only 22 at the time).

I've never run out wailing or sat at my desk sobbing, but sometimes, you gotta let it out, but in private.. otherwise I'd be mortified!

AuntieMonica Wed 07-Sep-11 16:27:53

what a fantastically supportive colleague you are not

some people cry, some people are like dead stones

SnakeOnCrack Wed 07-Sep-11 16:28:29

but your colleagues sound a little... over emotional.. let us say (ie tell them to get a grip), but there may be stuff you don't know about?

MissVerinder Wed 07-Sep-11 16:30:29

I used to cry at work all.the.time.

Truly terrible boss, high pressure caseload of troubled teens, even worse upper "management" (if you could call it that), zero psychological support...

The list goes on.

I wouldn't cry for any of the above reasons, though, that's just wussy!

woowoo2 Wed 07-Sep-11 16:31:12

I agree with auntiemonica on this one

MissVerinder Wed 07-Sep-11 16:31:36

<sidesteps AuntieMonica>

AuntieMonica Wed 07-Sep-11 16:33:23

honestly though, some people do have a lot more going on in their lives than the job they go out to. if something seemingly so trivial tips them over the egde perhaps they need a bit of support, not being sneered at by a colleague?

pommedechocolat Wed 07-Sep-11 16:33:56

I also think crying at work in front of others (about work) means you need to man up.

It maybe you're in a position that is too much for you.

RedHotPokers Wed 07-Sep-11 16:33:59

Snake - agree there are obviously times when upsetting things happen and people are of course going to cry.
However I am talking about bawling at desk, all work stops for 30mins whilst colleagues comfort. Not over death, but because an hours work has been lost on missing file!
I am not totally unfeeling. I do cry auntie, just not at my desk cos I've forgotten my purse.

encyclogirl Wed 07-Sep-11 16:34:26

Cried once at work when I found out my hystorectomy date had been pushed out a month. This was two days before the op. I cried and cried and cried and wailed down the phone to the hospital registrar so much they moved me back in.

The entire office heard it, and were stunned into silence as I am usually NAILS.

I was mortified when I eventually hung up, looked up and saw everyone watching me.

I work in an entirely male office, so they really couldn't relate in any way o my predicament and looked like men who'd been accidentally left on the moon.

TheMagnificentBathykolpian Wed 07-Sep-11 16:35:26

Some people just seem to burst into tears over every little thing. They must just be really emotional people.

It is usually women who are like this because women perhaps haven't been conditioned to never show emotion in public? (or is that an unfair thought about why men don't cry?). Maybe men do it too, but I've never yet met a weepy man.

It's good to be in touch with your emotions, but sadly it comes back to bite you in the bum because of how you are perceived in the workplace iyswim. I've known weepy women and I've seen how others react to them and it's not nice. It can lead to bullying. Sneering at them behind their backs, laughing at them, making jokes about soandso lost the stapler bet they start crying ... thinking they are weak - and the worst one - thinking they are manipulative. It doesn't make for a nice workplace. But if someone's a cryer, they're a cryer.

It's hard to not cry if you are overwhelmed by emotion, I know. But it's probably best to try to take yourself off somewhere and not flop at your desk or anything grin

GwendolineMaryLacey Wed 07-Sep-11 16:39:12

Be thankful then you've never had such a shit boss or working situation that you've had to cry. I had colleagues comforting me for 30 minutes last week because I was told that my flexible working rights were being withdrawn after nearly 3 years which lands me completely up shit creek regarding childcare and wil cost me a couple of £1000 in lost salary. Not the first time shit has happened here either. Sorry if didn't have sufficient grip.

SnakeOnCrack Wed 07-Sep-11 16:39:34

Also, I LOVE a good cry (in private).

My friend used to watch herself crying in the mirror when she was a kid, ohhh every time I picture that I laugh.

alemci Wed 07-Sep-11 16:40:50

I 've cried at work. Especially when i was expecting my period. I had a bullying boss a while back in another place of work and I seemed to be tearful at times but I tried to wait til i got home.

Also I worked in a classroom in another role and we watched a film about the holocaust and I had to ask to be excused and I went to the toilet and cried. it really upset me.

Another time a colleague who I thought was my friend was really nasty. I got very upset about that.

Your colleagues may be upset about other things and the things in the office could be the final straw.

In my new job I came into work after my dd was horrible and I remember bursting into tears in the office but getting a grip.

It depends on the person. I have seen people crying at work.

kayb123 Wed 07-Sep-11 16:41:34

sure there isn't a baby boom (or should i say pregnacy boom) in the office. grin

Crosshair Wed 07-Sep-11 16:41:54

I cried once at work, I was packing boxes for the first time on a fast machine and I couldnt keep up with the other women who where annoyed at my rubbishness. I kept packing in a teary snotty state.

Bramshott Wed 07-Sep-11 16:42:16

O God, I cried at work once when I massively messed up in a live performance-type situation. I came offstage and just broke down. I still (10 yrs later) shudder at the thought!

RedHotPokers Wed 07-Sep-11 16:43:00

Gwendoline - I can totally understand you being upset about that.
But seriously, I work for a good employer, most colleagues have flexible working, I know my colleagues well and (although there of course may be personal issues they haven't shared) there are no home issues I am aware of.

Its almost like now the flood gates have opened (excuse the pun!), everyone has joined in with the weeping fest! It's like its become the norm. Very strange....

jeckadeck Wed 07-Sep-11 16:43:46

people have enormously different crying thresholds though... some people have very little control over when they break down and others can barely do it at a family funeral.

SenoritaViva Wed 07-Sep-11 16:45:56

I think that everyone who has used examples here have had good reasons to cry, I can see what the OP means in that where these situations really a necessary reason to cry over?

I think there are times when a good cry is inevitable and helps, I have on the rare occasion cried at work, but not in public and would be mortified that the 'whole office stopped for half an hour', especially if it was over extra work when I could have used that time to do the work.

Of course it could be that the OP is the terrible boss and they are all having to make up reasons as to why they are really crying! wink

RedHotPokers Wed 07-Sep-11 16:46:13

The funny thing is, I think I cry a lot. In films, when tired, when DCs drive me to distraction, if DH and I argue, often when talking to my mum (we set each other off!). I am definitely a weepy person in my personal life.

But not in work. Never, if I could help it. I would be mortified.

bonkers20 Wed 07-Sep-11 16:46:21

I have cried twice in a work situation. One was just something really winding me up and I went to the loo and came over all emotional. My period started the next day.

The other was when I had just left my just turned 2yo with my sister for a week as I needed to attend a meeting in LA. I got in the taxi and cried and then met my colleagues at the airport.

I think in 20 years of work that's OK and not at all weird.

I have WANTED to cry many more times (I am one of those people who cry when really, really tense), but I manage to control my emotions.

Crosshair Wed 07-Sep-11 16:47:12

Agree with jeckadeck. I didnt cry at my dads funeral but made up for it before and afterwards.

KatieScarlett2833 Wed 07-Sep-11 16:48:04

I have cried at work. I was having a nervous breakdown at the time. Glad OP is not one of my colleagues.

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