to wish people would be a bit objective about their kids?

[Frazzledmumwithsmudgedmascara]

This is meant to be a bit lighthearted!

I go on a couple of other forums and have noticed that lots of people describe their children as "very bright". Lots of mums that I know in RL describe their children as "very bright" too. Okay yes some children are very bright, but some aren't. Some are average, some below average. Surely not everyone's child is bright.

Another thing I've noticed, online and with friends in real life is mums saying that their children are tall and thin, therefore needing a smaller sized pair of trousers for the waist but a bigger size for the leg length. Any thread about childrens' clothes on one particular forum I go on, you can guarantee that lots of people will say the same thing about their child. And yes, I know some children are tall and thin, but not all are. One woman in particular that I bump into on the school run most days goes on and on about how hard it is to buy clothes for her daughter as she's so tall and thin. Her daughter is slim, because she doesn't eat, but she isn't tall, she looks average to me when she comes out of school with other children in her class, certainly not one of the taller ones.

I know these seem like petty examples, but I wish people would just be objective about their children, at least sometimes.

[chicletteeth]

Maybe they think they are?

First ever!

[K999]

Tbh I don't pay attention to what other parents say about their kids. I am too busy marvelling at how slim, attractive and bright dd1 is!

[worraliberty]

You're right, those examples are quite..well I don't know about petty, just non starters?

It bugs me more when people say "Now I know my child's no angel but..." and then they go on to describe a true angel who can do now wrong, ever

[manicinsomniac]

Gosh yes, YANBU!!!

I get so much of this as a teacher, especially in an independent school.

Parents want to know:
"Why hasn't my child been picked for the A team" - ummm, because there are more than 7/9/11/15 children better at the sport than they are?
"Why isn't my child in the top maths set, he's a genius at it" - er, no he's not, he's totally normal and middle of the road?
"My child is so bright, she really ought to be on free readers shouldn't she" - noooo, she doesn't know her HFW yet, give her a chance!
"My child really ought to have been the lead in the play" - no she really shouldn't!

Then there are all the parents who send the child to the school to be magically turned into an academic/sporting/musical marvel.
On a course I went on the head of a very well known independent school was speaking and said many prep schools should pin a sign to their school gates reading,
"what nature has witheld this institution cannot provide!"

Some parents need to learn to value their children for who they are not who the parent wants them to be.

[AgentZigzag]

I don't have a lighthearted answer, but I have thought before that it's that subjective love that keeps you with them through thick and thin.

Because you've known them intimately from them being a dot you know every single thing about them, you have to live with their normality and less than good bits, but can overcome that with the 'spark' you have for them (not sure of another way of saying it).

You can only see it in yourself though when you see other people making a big thing out of something you perhaps wouldn't.

[Frazzledmumwithsmudgedmascara]

I totally agree, manicinsomniac.

[backwardpossom]

Well, if it makes you happier, my son is short and skinny. But he is bright...

[chicletteeth]

Personally I take issue with the comments on a child who doesn't eat but isn't tall and yet despite this (if it's true) the OP wants to discuss objectivity.

Really!

[Frazzledmumwithsmudgedmascara]

What's the problem, Chicletteeth? The child doesn't eat, the mum moans about her not eating and being a fussy eater, and says that's why she's so thin.

[MillyR]

Surely it is a parent's job to tell children that they will grow up to be a nobel prize winner who does a bit of catwalk modelling in their spare time. My mother still tells me how brilliant and amazing I am. There are enough other people in the world who are prepared to squash you without your parents joining in.

I told DD only this week that I was going to write to Michael Gove because DD does not have the lead part in the school play.

[Lougle]

A child may not be objectively tall and slim, but may be proportionally tall and slim.

My DD1 is around the 9th centile for height and weight. That means that for her she is 'tall and slim'. If I buy trousers that are the right length for her, despite the fact that she is shorter than many of her peers, then they fall around her ankles because the waist is far too large.

[chicletteeth]

As you've said - a petty example.

I find discussing the idea of objectivity from a parent with regards to their own child who they probably know doesn't eat (at least if you do, then they must have an idea) a bit, well, unsympathetic to say the least!

[izzywhizzyletsgetbusy]

What is objectivity?

Sight and other senses are subjective, and it's a nonsense to claim that any human is capable of being truly objective about anything let alone their loved ones.

[Frazzledmumwithsmudgedmascara]

Am baffled as to how a short child can be tall. A thin child will of course need a smaller waistband but if someone's short then they're short!

[MoldovanHardHatporn]

Parents are there to tell their children they are the best, brightest and most beautiful thing that has ever walked the planet. It is a bit stupid when they believe it though.

[manicinsomniac]

Milly R, telling your own child stuff like that is one thing.

Telling it (and making complaints if you're not agreed with) to other people is quite another.

[chicletteeth]

OP, tell us please are you totally objective about all your shortcomings and those of your children?

Would love to hear about it if so.

[izzywhizzyletsgetbusy]

WTF? That's outrageous MillyR.

Hope you're intending to cc Cameron, and slip a bung to lobby your MP.

[Frazzledmumwithsmudgedmascara]

Again manicinsomniac, I totally agree.

[A1980]

Frazzledmumwithsmudgedmascara

YABU if these children's parents don't think the absolute world of them then WHO WILL?! Certainly not people like you.

Children need the encouragement from a parent who thinks they are the bees knees.

[MillyR]

Well yes, Manic. It is not appropriate to keep complaining to the school/drama group/ballet teacher and so on, but I like to hear other parents saying their children are good at things.

[Frazzledmumwithsmudgedmascara]

Yes, A1980, the children need encouragement from their parent. Other parents don't need the encouragement about said parent's child though do they? And why would I think the world of someone else's child? What an odd thing to say

[GwendolineMaryLacey]

I have no idea what you're on about with the clothes thing, I really don't. Why does it matter if someone thinks their child is tall or they can't find trousers to fit them? I try not to say this but really, you need something else to occupy you...

[Frazzledmumwithsmudgedmascara]

TheSecondComing, I agree.