Manners - are there any you didn't know about until you were older?

(1000 Posts)
CheeseToastieLove Fri 14-May-21 20:52:10

Is there anything you didn't realise was bad manners until you were an adult. Things you weren't told when you were young? I didn't realise it was good manners to leave your alcohol at a party when you were leaving until I was in my late 20s. Always took my half full bottle home with me! Cringe. My friend was never taught it was bad manners to start eating before everyone's meals had arrived until she was in her 30s. She was always half finished before everyone had been served.

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FantasticMax Fri 14-May-21 21:09:50


But the one that immediately sprang to mind was that I didn’t realise until I was at a lunch with clients in my 20s that you’re supposed to slice off a chunk of butter for your side plate to butter your bread roll, rather than keep returning to the main butter block to butter your roll.

CheeseToastieLove Fri 14-May-21 21:25:40

Double Dipping with crisps and dips. Never really thought about it until I read about it somewhere years ago! I bet people were looking at me in disgust.

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SavingsQuestions Fri 14-May-21 21:28:19

I learnt double dipping very late. I must have done that so much!

Not quite manners but onky today did I realise others judged if you hadnt opened your curtains fully. I had no idea. We often dont go in the living room in the morning so Im fine just leaving it!

MisContrued Fri 14-May-21 21:31:51

God probably loads.

Topseyt Fri 14-May-21 21:36:35

I don't see any of these things as bad manners. I don't find them offensive and doubt that that many people actually do.

My parents used to say that tearing your bread into your soup (or dipping it in) was bad manners. I don't find it offensive at all and couldn't give a shit whether others do it or not.

CheeseToastieLove Fri 14-May-21 21:42:33

@FantasticMax that thread was the reason I started this one... I didn't realise it was bad manners to eat in the street!

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Keepithidden Fri 14-May-21 21:42:55

There's definitely a difference between manners and etiquette. These also vary according to social situations.

It's minefield in many cases for me!

Seainasive Fri 14-May-21 21:50:26

I seriously had no idea you’re not supposed to wear a white dress to a wedding. I wish someone had told me. Its 20 years ago now and I still cringe about that one.

Piemam Sat 15-May-21 00:07:38

This is perhaps etiquette, rather than manners, but I have been pulled up for referring to someone as "she"- as in "she is the cat's mother!". Why is this considered rude?

Bvop Sat 15-May-21 00:11:53

I knew about not eating in the street from a young age but didn’t know about double dipping until blush a couple of years ago.

When I was in my early 20s I didn’t know the etiquette for buying rounds in the pub. I still fail to do social kissing properly as I can never predict whether it’ll be one or two.

GoofyIsACow Sat 15-May-21 00:14:10



But the one that immediately sprang to mind was that I didn’t realise until I was at a lunch with clients in my 20s that you’re supposed to slice off a chunk of butter for your side plate to butter your bread roll, rather than keep returning to the main butter block to butter your roll.

This is exactly what i was going to say! blush

C25KDropOut Sat 15-May-21 00:16:54

Glad it's not just me who didn't realise about double dipping: I'd never thought about it until a friend pointed it out to me blush.

DandelionRose Sat 15-May-21 00:18:02

A teacher once told me off sternly for not saying "Excuse me" after sneezing.

Also when teenage I used to constantly sniff rather than bother getting a tissue to blow into. Couldn't see that it was rude, but it is rude making others listen.

Dogoodfeelgood Sat 15-May-21 00:19:18

Okay I was not aware about the eating in the street one? Does that mean you can’t walk while eating a sandwich on the run?

I found the English method of buying rounds at pubs really confusing when I moved here and probably offended loads of people buy just buying my own drink (didn’t let anyone buy me one either but I still felt like I was being rude!) I just didn’t know how you were meant to be able to slip away after one drink if you got stuck in the buying rounds cycle! This was work functions were I was trying to just stay for a polite amount of time.

Dogoodfeelgood Sat 15-May-21 00:20:53

Can we please make smoking while walking something very impolite and frowned upon while we are at it?! That’s MUCH more offensive than eating in my opinion. So horrible getting stuck behind a smoker on the morning commute!

Starling85 Sat 15-May-21 00:21:38

If you have pate and toast for a starter you don't put the pate all over the toast in one go, you add it as you eat it.

I wish more people knew it was rude to pick your teeth... I have a colleague who has a packet of Walkers crisps every day, and every day she picks her teeth, looks at it, then eats it. Really slowly and deliberately. It's absolutely vile. We hot desk and the thought of her and me sharing a keyboard makes me want to throw up 🤢

callingon Sat 15-May-21 00:24:46

I think my Granny might have considered eating in the street a bit déclassé but that ship has sailed in 2021, surely?!

MindtheBelleek Sat 15-May-21 00:31:44

Some of these aren’t ‘manners’ in any universal way, though, but more region-, -country- or social class-dependent. Like whether you say ‘What?’or ‘Pardon?’ if you don’t hear someone, or the number of kisses when greeting someone (which varies from one to four in different parts of Europe, and is strongly regional within France.)

I was definitely into my twenties by the time I figured out the appropriate response to ‘How do you do?’ It hadn’t been used a lot in my vicinity when younger.

WhoEatsPopTarts Sat 15-May-21 00:39:09

I love ‘how do you do’ but I suspect most people have no idea and would think you strange.

HeddaGarbled Sat 15-May-21 00:43:33

Don’t take all of the lovely runny end of the Brie/Camembert/other lovely runny cheese. Take a slice along the length so that other people can have a share of the best bit. I learned this after getting told off at a slightly posher than I was used to dinner party.

MindtheBelleek Sat 15-May-21 00:43:51


I love ‘how do you do’ but I suspect most people have no idea and would think you strange.

Oh, I don’t say it — it would feel deeply unnatural — I just mean responding when someone says it to me.

ComtesseDeSpair Sat 15-May-21 00:47:20

Apparently it’s bad manners to hold your knife like a pen. I don’t hold a pen in the way you’re apparently supposed to hold a pen, so had no idea I held my knife like a pen. Anyway, I solved the problem, I’m engaged to an American now, so I just commit the other cardinal sin of manners and cut all my food up first before scooping it up using my fork held in my right hand.

Houseofvelour Sat 15-May-21 00:52:47

I'm almost 31 and still have no clue how to respond to "how do you do?".
A very posh gentleman said it to me when I was 15 and I replied "yeh, I'm fine. Thanks"
and I still cringe when I think about it 😂

memberofthewedding Sat 15-May-21 01:06:03

I could never get my head around this "rounds" in a pub custom and have always bought my own. You are drinking coke and buying expensive drinks for others. How is that fair?

I also found that if you socialise alone with couples you get cheated. So if you are out with two couples it should be your turn every 5th round. Instead it comes around every third because the wives rarely put their hands in their pockets.

When I pointed out such things people used to say I was "tight" but I just preferred to go to the bar and get my own drinks. Fortunately I have never cared overmuch what other people thought of me, and in my 70s I care even less.

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