My mum died recently and left her body to science. AMA

[Bowbridge]

It has been an interesting and sad couple of weeks. Lots of friends have asked me about it as it is not the norm.

AMA x

[Trooperslaneagain]

Good on her. And big hugs and flowers 💐 for you x

[7salmonswimming]

I’m sorry for your loss. Thank you for offering to talk about this.

I say I’d like to do this, but don’t actually know what it involves. My questions are as follows. I mean them all with the greatest sensitivity towards you at a time of significant loss.

1. How do you feel about this, as a daughter?
   

1. Did you have a funeral or memorial service?
   

1. Was your mum a scientifically ‘interesting’ person?
   

1. Are you aware how her body is being treated? Are you interested in this?
   

1. Did your mum prepare you (perhaps she didn’t need to) for this? Did she ask your permission?
   

1. Has her choice caused any problems for those she left behind?
   

Thank you again, this is a very generous thread to start.

[EatShitBoswell]

What an interesting thread. I'm so sorry for your loss
Can I ask, do you know where your mum will be going?
And will they be telling you what will happen? If you don't wish to know, do they at least give you that option?

Writing it down, it feels quite insensitive and I didn't know how to word my questions so I hope they don't upset you.
Wishing you all the best

[DeltaAlphaDelta]

My nan did this, and it inspired me to do the same. It was easy enough to register with the local hospital that covers this, my forms are kept with my will.

Sorry to hijack the thread, and for you OP.

[Bowbridge]

Thank you for the questions. I will try to answer and give you a bit of background.

My mum was a retired nurse, so medically minded. She used to be a 'simulated patient' at her local hospital. This was for final year medics to practice on. So she would be told what symptoms she 'had' and the medical students would try and work out what might be wrong and suggest a course of treatment.

It was actually me who suggested the idea after reading about medical donations on mumsnet many years ago. After a random conversation with mum two years ago said, 'That is what I would like. The next generation of medics to learn from me'. When mum became ill in March, we had the conversation again a few weeks later and filled in the paperwork. It took 10 minutes.

Mum died in mid July and we did not think it would be possible to fulfil her wishes due to university holidays. However, I made a phone call and she was accepted.

She died on the East Sussex and was taken up to London for preservation then will be used by the medical students and trainee surgeon at the Brighton and Sussex medical School.

We are a very small family. Everyone has been absolutely fine about mum's generous gift to the next generation. We are having a family celebration (Her 2 children and partners, 5 grandchildren and partners, her sister and nephew) of her life next weekend. We are all staying together in a nice hotel and with have a lovely time recalling all our memories of mum. We did all make sure we gave her time whilst she was alive. We are not having a formal funeral.

We have been invited to a memorial service at St George's Cathedral in London next May. The Professors, students and families of the donors attend this service of Thanks Giving. Mum's name will be read out. We have donated to the hospice where she died and have bought a leaf on a memory tree at the Hospice with mum's name on.

[Coconutsandcobbles]

If they find out that your mum suffered from anything that she didn't know about, will you as a family be told?

Thank you for starting this thread.

[Beelzebop]

I am definitely thinking about doing this myself. Thanks for talking about it. Can I ask if you have any misgivings? Do you think it will affect your grieving? I'm really sorry for your loss but she sounds a very interesting and thoughtful person.

[SuperSange]

I'm following this as it's something I'm considering. It's a fantastic gift. Has anyone in the family had any misgivings or objections to it? X

[thisgirlcanmoveon]

Sorry for your loss Bowbridge and I hope you don't mind me crashing your thread.
I'm a little further down the journey than you. My dad died May 2017 and gave his body to medical science. He went to Keele university. He died at home and the undertaker who came to collect him until the university could arrange transfer didn't charge us. He hadn't ever had anyone who done this before and could see the value in what my Dad had wanted in his death so refused payment.
We too didnt have a funeral and I can honestly say it didn't make a difference to us as a family.
January 18 we had a phone call to say they had finished with his body and were going to cremate him and would we like to attend. My mum wanted to so my mum sister and me and our families attended the cremation with a representative from the university. We had a lovely peom read and a letter from one of the students . It was an emotional time but I am so proud that my dad wanted to do this.
I know it's not for everyone but it was something that was so important to my dad. He said it all his life that he wanted to give his body to medical science so it wasn't a surprise to us his family. He truly believed that he could help others.
They was no cost for the funeral something else that would have pleased my dad. My mum gave a donation to Keele university and some money for the grandchildren for their university studies. My dad would have pleased that the money was being used for the future rather than the past.
At the time I felt he lived on in death and now am so proud he chose to do this selfless thing.

[Bowbridge]

Thank you for your message thisgirlcanmoveon.

No one has had any misgivings. Plan B was that she would be cremated.

She will be used by the university for up to 2 years, cremated and her ashes returned to us. There is no expense involved. We will scatter her ashes where she grew up and have another family gathering then.

The students will call mum by her name and get to know something about her. I believe they treat the donors with upmost respect. It is compulsory that the students attend the thanks giving service.

[Bowbridge]

Coconuts: I think mum will be used to practise surgery on, or to look at anatomy... how ligaments work etc.

Mum died of cancer. It had spread everywhere at the time of death. You can't give your body to science if:

You have dementia (no idea why?)
Have had a recent operation
Have had an amputation
Had a contagious disease
Were extremely over/under weight

They queried mum's cancer. They rang the hospice who were able to give her complete and accurate description of her cause of death. They rang back saying she was accepted.

She was moved to an undertakers before being collected the next morning by the Human Tissue Authority from London. We were kept informed at every stage of where mum was and whose care she was in.

www.hta.gov.uk/donating-your-body

I suppose being an organ donor was quite taboo a few years ago. Now it is seen as a gift and most of us are happy to be an organ donor. Hopefully this will become less taboo and science can move forward quicker with more bodies being donated.

[Ilikesweetpeas]

Condolences to you Bowbridge
What a lovely thing your mum has done. I have friends who studied medicine, and I know they found dissection of human bodies so useful and they were always extremely respectful and grateful to those who enabled this. My grandmother hoped to donate her body, but as she died with dementia this was not possible and instead she was cremated. I was always sad that we had not been able to fulfil her wishes though, like your mum she had been a nurse and hoped to pay a part in training a future generation of medics

[NoLeopard]

I have never really thought about this before and now want to look into it further for me. I have already specified no funeral to my family and thinking about cremation, it's the same end result just further down the line. Thanks for the thread Bowbridge and condolences on your loss.

[Curious0yster]

I’m sorry for your loss, Bowbridge. Your mum sounds like she was a incredible lady to make this decision and the ‘after’ part of it all sounds wonderful - you must be so proud!

[Bowbridge]

Thank you, Curious.

I have had a lovely day sorting through photos to take to our 'Celebration of Mum' this weekend. I am sure we will talk, laugh (and cry) for hours. x

[SperanzaWilde]

Condolences, @Bowbridge. I think this sounds like a thoroughly positive thing to do to celebrate someone's life and career and to contribute to the medical knowledge of the next generation and your mother sounds very cool.

[Honeyroar]

Ive not really got any questions, just wanted to say thanks for the thread. My mum has organised to do this when she dies, so it's very interesting to know what happens.

[HoneysuckIejasmine]

Thanks for this, OP. My grandfather did the same but (1) he died in winter along with many other donors, and (2) I was currently studying in the same university building that the cadavers are used in. My parents rang the university and they reassured us that they actually had more cadavers offered than they could use, so given the circumstances, they respectfully declined to take him.

If it helps, my med student friends spoke with gratitude and respect about the donors, and got to know about them.

[picklemepopcorn]

When I investigated it, I was a bit shocked to find that remains could still be your responsibility in the future. I'm glad that for the both of you that have been part of this, that was not the case. I worried at some point in the future, when I was not expecting to deal with it, I could suddenly need to make arrangements.

I'll look into it again, if that isn't how it works!

[VivaLeBeaver]

If anyone is interested I read a very interesting book recently which amongst other subjects covered this from the viewpoint of a human anatomist who is manager of the facilities at I think Edinburgh med school. She revamped the way bodies are prepared for dissection there.

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B071VY76PH/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_d_asin_title_o09?psc=1&ie=UTF8&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

It's certainly something I would like to do but I'm nervous of the impact on my daughter. She's an only child and not sure how she would feel to not have a funeral, etc. But nice to hear that for Bowbridge as the daughter in those circumstances it has been ok.

[Honeyroar]

We are planning to still have a wake type funeral with readings, videos and food when mum dies, despite her being "too busy too attend" so that people can mourn. Then we will have another small private family memorial when her ashes are returned.

[Bowbridge]

I think a 'wake type funeral' or gathering to celebrate the life is so important in the mourning process.

I think it is a lovely gesture (an important) that the universities have the services of thanks giving each year for the families (and the students).

[DeltaAlphaDelta]

When my nan's body was donated, we had a family party. We then attended the memorial/thanksgiving service at Southwark cathedral and then a couple of years after this, whatever was left of her body was not used, was returned to the family for cremation. The cost of the cremation was covered by the University, but most of my family did not attend as they felt that they had done the funeral/wake/grieving part already. There was about 3 of us at the cremation, where it was like a normal cremation. I am so glad I went, but completely understand those family members that didn't want to attend.

[DameFanny]

Nothing to ask, but Well Done your Mum, and I'm so sorry for your loss

[M0RVEN]

If anyone is interested I read a very interesting book recently which amongst other subjects covered this from the viewpoint of a human anatomist who is manager of the facilities at I think Edinburgh med school. She revamped the way bodies are prepared for dissection there

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Professor Dame Sue Black is actually one of the worlds leading forensic anthropologists and anatomists and was until recentl)y at University of Dundee.