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I'm a midwife who works in abortion care. AMA

(565 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

GlitteryPoopooplop Tue 23-Apr-19 19:58:58

Go ahead. I'll try and answer everything the best way I can. Sorry if this is boring (I love my job and can go on about it a bit.)!

Sagradafamiliar Thu 25-Apr-19 17:05:20

No one goes through an abortion for the shits and giggles.

Drogosnextwife Thu 25-Apr-19 17:06:56

hmm good input.

FuzzyLilac Thu 25-Apr-19 17:11:34

I am sure many bad women exist who have abortions because they are lazy about contraception. I know of many who are drug users whos haphazard lifestyle means they have had multiple abortions.

Knowing they are women out there doing this does not change my opinion that abortion at any stage is the womans choice.

IABUQueen Thu 25-Apr-19 17:12:22

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

GlitteryPoopooplop Thu 25-Apr-19 17:15:27

I'm definitely sure that women have lied to me in the past about their reasons for abortion. But honestly, to me, "I don't want a baby" is reason enough. So if they want to come up with a big story about your they wouldn't cope etc etc I don't mind. I'll document that. I can only go with what women tell me and no more.

I still don't judge them. I'm not saying nobody will judge her, and she might judge herself but I won't, and nor will many of my colleagues.

InsertFunnyUsername Thu 25-Apr-19 17:15:44

I will never understand why another person's choice gets people so riled up. Pro choice should be renamed "Pro choice for whoever is in this particular circumstance" for those people that can't understand, that a woman should have a choice what happens to her body, because the alternative is forcing them give up their body for someone elses idea of "what is right" and thats not a road i would like to go down.

For me i dont think i would have an abortion, and certainly not a late term one. But its a personal choice, that has absolutely nothing to do with me.

OP, you are exactly the sort of person for the job, you come across as non judgemental, kind and understanding at what is probably a woman's toughest decision. flowers

Sagradafamiliar Thu 25-Apr-19 17:16:00

It is good input because it sums it up. No one goes through everything an abortion entails for a day out or because they love pain. Not everyone is emotional about their decision, no. But the reasons are valid. Would you rather the woman you know have 7 children she can ill afford or want or house just so the likes of you don't sneer at her?

Sagradafamiliar Thu 25-Apr-19 17:17:07

Sorry, that was to drogo (again)

BirthdayKake Thu 25-Apr-19 17:19:09

Hi OP.

Another one here to say thank you x

I never, ever thought I'd have an abortion. Then I did, in 2017. I thought the staff were going to be judgemental and treat me awfully, but they were the complete opposite. I could even have a laugh and a joke with them. I nearly cried during my scan. I looked at the wall so I didn't see anything, but they didn't turn the screen around anyway. I hope it wasn't twins. I wasn't told.

I didn't think I'd stay with my partner after the abortion. He was quite upset about it although did support my decision. We hadn't been together long at the time. However, we're still together, now married and living together in a lovely house, and have a baby on the way in 12 weeks. None of this would have happened if I'd kept our first one. We'll never forget that baby but I don't regret the abortion.

I paid nearly £800 as I wanted it to be done ASAP.

I'm so glad we have the option in this country. There was a lady on the same day as me who'd travelled from Ireland.

GlitteryPoopooplop Thu 25-Apr-19 17:24:03

Hi @BirthdayKake congrats! That's so good to hear. I know lots of women who feel the same way. I'm glad you were treated kindly and everything has worked out.

I'm so sorry everybody that the thread has been a bit derailed. I feel like there are some really really interesting questions and comments from loads of people and I thank you. Also, all the people thanking me and my colleagues are so kind. We do it because we love it. And we love women.

I think someone up thread asked about staff who struggle with it, they mostly leave quite quickly. If you're not OK with it, it's a really really tough job. I know someone who worked in my clinic but she had to leave ( not sacked but encouraged to leave) because she kept trying to convince women not to have abortions (even when they were sure of their decision).

SuperCraft Thu 25-Apr-19 17:35:48

I think you and your colleagues are amazing. I've never had an abortion, but considered it with both my DC. Both of them were conceived due to failed contraception. One was the pill and one with the coil. I am now on the depo but will have to come off that shortly as I have various medical conditions which mean almost all contraceptions are unsuitable for me. This is a scary thought as I couldn't financially or physically cope with another child at the moment. I hope I don't fall pregnant but it is reassuring to know there are wonderful midwives like yourself that would be there if I ever needed to access an abortion.

I have a blood clotting disorder and inject with heparin. Would that affect what options would be available to me?

Drogosnextwife Thu 25-Apr-19 17:39:25

Everyone judges everyone 🤷. It's like having an opinion on wether morbidly obese people should have treatment on the NHS to health them lose weight. Everyone has an opinion on that.

GlitteryPoopooplop Thu 25-Apr-19 17:42:26

It depends on the condition. I'd probably get our drs to liase with your Dr to discuss. I'd hope that they'd just tell you to stop taking it prior to treatment. If it wouldn't be safe we'd refer you back to the NHS so you're in a hospital site. Sorry to hear about your contraceptive problems! Nightmare.

Drogosnextwife Thu 25-Apr-19 17:43:38

Sagradafamiliar

Ok then, thanks for enlightening me.

SailorJerry13 Thu 25-Apr-19 17:44:58

I have reported the poster who kept on at our lovely OP further up the thread. If Drogoswife keeps on she will be reported also.

Also. When I had an abortion my partner was treated like an abuser, infact every male in the clinic did that day. All the girls ahead of me (just two, for anyone who is professionally offended) were forced to go through it alone.

I had my abortion because I didn’t want to have a baby, and I hadn’t used contraception. That might shock some people, but as none of you pay my bills or live my life - I couldn’t really give a shit. wink

BirthdayKake Thu 25-Apr-19 17:47:25

@GlitteryPoopooplop thank you

Drogosnextwife Thu 25-Apr-19 17:56:46

SailorJerry13

Reported for what exactly?

No it doesn't surprise me at all.

GoldenPineapples Thu 25-Apr-19 18:00:18

Thank you OP. I'm glad there are people like you smile

Drogosnextwife Thu 25-Apr-19 18:03:07

As far as I am aware I have broken no talk guidelines, I have given my point of view based on experience.

Hemlock2013 Thu 25-Apr-19 18:05:13

What an amazing thread. Thank you to the op. You are amazing. I agree with everything you have said.

I find it interesting that pro choice was the majority opinion actually. I’ve had two abortions and I never mention them. Despite them being pivotal moments in my life, and moments which I think of often. I think I assumed most people would disagree with my choice. Refreshing to see that is not in fact the case x x

GoldenPineapples Thu 25-Apr-19 18:14:48

Weight gain on certain contraceptions is definitely a thing. It's no coincidence that woman all report of weight gain whilst on certain contraception despite not changing their diet at all. Some alter your metabolism so you end up gaining weight. I can't take hormonal contraception because it makes me gain weight and turns me into crazy bitch lady..

escapade1234 Thu 25-Apr-19 18:23:38

I have reported the poster who kept on at our lovely OP further up the thread. If Drogoswife keeps on she will be reported also

Oh hello thread police.

I’m telling! Someone said something that I didn’t agree with - it’s not fair!

DwayneDibbly Thu 25-Apr-19 18:24:52

@Hemlock2013 I've had two, also. One in my 20s, one very recently. Both for very different reasons. A maximum of three people know because I couldn't face the levels of judgement in the real world. This thread is very heartening but I will still clutch mine to my chest I think.

Hemlock2013 Thu 25-Apr-19 18:27:13

@dwaynedibbly me too. One at 19 and one last year. Both affected me greatly. X x

GlitteryPoopooplop Thu 25-Apr-19 18:29:46

I don't blame you to be honest. Most people are lush about it but actually, I often tell people I work in sexual health because sometimes I can't face the judgement either!

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