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Original poster

How often should you have a one-to-one?

30 replies

Spicy101 · 31/01/2023 13:13

Name change as I don't want this linking to me but I do you post on here.

I work in the third sector in public affairs and have done a few different areas of PA. I applied for a senior public affairs officer at my current place as I don't have that much experience in this area they offered me just public affairs officer. I accepted all good.

I started mid-October and have my three-month review end of this week and despite in my induction meeting my line manager stating I would have one-to-one every other week. I haven't had one since my induction. Just wondering if this is normal as I feel quite exhausted about it. Every time I think about it, it makes me quite emotional.( I have autism and I get emotional quite easily and this is part of my autism) I am mid to late 20s. Not sure how to raise it in my review. Also every one-to-one that we have had scheduled it has cancelled I have rescheduled, but that one also has been cancelled. So it isn't like I haven't tried.

Thanks

OP posts:
Metabigot · 31/01/2023 16:03

If you're new or developing, weekly catch ups are normal.

Having them repeatedly cancelled is shit.

My boss did this four times in a row and honestly I just started applying for other jobs I was that annoyed. Made me feel not valued.

Quveas · 31/01/2023 16:36

Our policy is at least monthly. But that may be increased where appropriate. That could include someone needing extra support, but not necessarily- it could be someone mostly working from home, to ensure contact is made.

orion678 · 31/01/2023 16:38

In my team (I'm a team lead) I have one to ones minimum monthly, but usually weekly or every 2 weeks, depending on the employee. My manager and I have one to ones weekly. They rarely get cancelled.

SideshowAuntSallly · 31/01/2023 18:41

I have them weekly with my boss. He's only cancelled once and we caught up in person a couple of days later and we chat on Teams daily.

SeasonFinale · 31/01/2023 18:42

There is no actual legal requirement to have them at all though if that is what you were asking.

Original poster
Spicy101 · 31/01/2023 19:09

SeasonFinale · 31/01/2023 18:42

There is no actual legal requirement to have them at all though if that is what you were asking.

I just wanted to check if my feelings weren't 'wrong' based on others frequency

OP posts:
kitcat15 · 31/01/2023 19:10

2 monthly for us ( nhs)

daisychain01 · 31/01/2023 19:17

I have weekly 30 min 1:1 with my manager every Friday, but we work very closely together so I have regular interactions all through the week. I make sure I have similar with my staff, but we also have working sessions together in the week. I guess that makes us quite a close-knit team.

I wouldn't like to not meet for weeks on end.

Having weekly time with the people you work with becomes the glue that holds you together, it builds trust. If that isn't happening, it's a sure sign something is wrong, based on my comparison of how my current team is and when I've been unhappy in a job I.e. no/minimal interaction or rapport.

Clementine8 · 31/01/2023 19:22

NHS i’ve been in post 3 months and not had one, not even an introductory one to establish the role. it’s a development post for me. I’ve put 2 in, one my manager disappeared, the 2nd he cancelled. I’m already looking for a job. Some managers are just bad.
In previous roles they’ve varied from once a month to annually.

verballyincompetent · 31/01/2023 19:27

I tend to find that most public affairs jobs aren't very good at organising one to one's etc. 3 of my jobs I never even had an appraisal. I have one to ones with my staff at least every month.

bluepen12 · 31/01/2023 19:29

Public sector here. No clear set rules so it changes periodically. For the last few months it has been once every fortnight.

postitpatty · 31/01/2023 19:29

I work in a busy public sector role (emergency services), I would like to have 1-2-1s with my team every 6 weeks but in the busy world we work in realistically they end up being quarterly. However on the very odd occasion someone asks me for one, I book it in with 48 hours as if they didn't really need one they wouldn't ask.

Polarbearyfairy · 31/01/2023 20:15

I like to meet with my reports once a week, I meet with my own manager once a week.

I'm civil service - my org requires at least once a month. I only manage 4 people so once a week is fine but those with bigger management spans do less frequently.

Unfortunately your manager obviously doesn't place any value on having a 1-1 with you, which is crappy. Have you had a chat with them about it?

Sadly you're unlikely to change their approach to management. Although I did manage to train my current manager into regular 1-1s by deliberately not contacting him at all for 2 weeks!

Original poster
Spicy101 · 31/01/2023 21:29

Polarbearyfairy · 31/01/2023 20:15

I like to meet with my reports once a week, I meet with my own manager once a week.

I'm civil service - my org requires at least once a month. I only manage 4 people so once a week is fine but those with bigger management spans do less frequently.

Unfortunately your manager obviously doesn't place any value on having a 1-1 with you, which is crappy. Have you had a chat with them about it?

Sadly you're unlikely to change their approach to management. Although I did manage to train my current manager into regular 1-1s by deliberately not contacting him at all for 2 weeks!

my manager manages to meet with people, that are heads of department. which is really frustrating. I have raised it and just been told oh I'm really really busy.

OP posts:
Original poster
Spicy101 · 31/01/2023 21:30

postitpatty · 31/01/2023 19:29

I work in a busy public sector role (emergency services), I would like to have 1-2-1s with my team every 6 weeks but in the busy world we work in realistically they end up being quarterly. However on the very odd occasion someone asks me for one, I book it in with 48 hours as if they didn't really need one they wouldn't ask.

That sounds like it makes sense for your type of job, but without my one-to-one, I'm not set any work. Other than what I get said to me in emails, which is few and far between.

OP posts:
Original poster
Spicy101 · 31/01/2023 21:31

verballyincompetent · 31/01/2023 19:27

I tend to find that most public affairs jobs aren't very good at organising one to one's etc. 3 of my jobs I never even had an appraisal. I have one to ones with my staff at least every month.

in previous jobs, it's been excellent. Just this employer.

OP posts:
Ablenicecat · 01/02/2023 07:09

I would like to say norm
Is a weekly for a catch up. I have worked for the same organisation for a while and the expectation is this happens. I have found it depends on the manager - I ended up adding 1-1 in the calendar and turning up - sadly it was a waste of my time and gave up.

Current manager asked me to set them up and they happen, they are worth their weight in gold.

InterminableWaitForTrains · 01/02/2023 07:20

Consistently cancelling your 121 is rude and shows that your manager isn't prioritising your work or development. I would be very unhappy in your situation and would start putting plans into place to move roles.

My manager has been doing this same thing to a member of our team who is on secondment, she is leaving in March and her EoY performance is not counted in the manager's own performance statistics so he doesn't give a shit about supporting her growth. It makes me see red.

Ablenicecat · 01/02/2023 07:38

InterminableWaitForTrains · 01/02/2023 07:20

Consistently cancelling your 121 is rude and shows that your manager isn't prioritising your work or development. I would be very unhappy in your situation and would start putting plans into place to move roles.

My manager has been doing this same thing to a member of our team who is on secondment, she is leaving in March and her EoY performance is not counted in the manager's own performance statistics so he doesn't give a shit about supporting her growth. It makes me see red.

People never leave companies just managers. There are no excuses for poor management sadly it can be epidemic if others learn from the like

UnicorseTime · 01/02/2023 07:43

I only speak to my manager about once a term. However they manage a lot of people so there just isn't time for 1-1 catch ups. I'd love this tk be different in my next job.

thirtysixpercent · 01/02/2023 08:06

Do you have easy access to your boss? I'm a manager but only have formal one to ones every few months. However, we chat informally most days and I also have a WhatsApp group with my team leaders. They can ring/text any time and so it's a sort of daily flow of conversation.

However if you don't have easy access to your line manager then I can totally understand why this is stressing you out. If it's important for you to have this structure then could you send a polite email to your line manager and explain you'd like to get into a pattern of meetings monthly (or whenever you need them). Presumably they know of your autism? You could reference that and make it clear you need this regular contact in order to do your job efficiently. You've then started a paper trail, identifying what you need to do the job.

Original poster
Spicy101 · 01/02/2023 09:32

thirtysixpercent · 01/02/2023 08:06

Do you have easy access to your boss? I'm a manager but only have formal one to ones every few months. However, we chat informally most days and I also have a WhatsApp group with my team leaders. They can ring/text any time and so it's a sort of daily flow of conversation.

However if you don't have easy access to your line manager then I can totally understand why this is stressing you out. If it's important for you to have this structure then could you send a polite email to your line manager and explain you'd like to get into a pattern of meetings monthly (or whenever you need them). Presumably they know of your autism? You could reference that and make it clear you need this regular contact in order to do your job efficiently. You've then started a paper trail, identifying what you need to do the job.

hi

it my manager who stated 1-1's were part of measuring performance for probation. My manager made a massive fuss about probation in the induction and interview.

In theory I have easy access but my manager is too busy to reply to texts etc. my emails don't get answered.

OP posts:
daisychain01 · 01/02/2023 10:00

@Spicy101 by all means send things by email a its a good way to give your manager the option of reading in slow time.

When you say your manager made a massive fuss, you're missing the point. Take the prompt that 1x1 meetings during probation are really important. You're in an assessment phase, to show you're right for the role and performing well as a new starter - the regular meetings are a great way to show you're on top of the role and the opportunity to proactively surface any concerns, blockers and priorities to your manager.

In those weekly meetings you have your Manager's 100% attention. You can mention any email you've sent that hasn't been responded to. If the email cannot wait until your meeting , state the date by when you need a decision or comments or whatever.

Original poster
Spicy101 · 01/02/2023 10:20

daisychain01 · 01/02/2023 10:00

@Spicy101 by all means send things by email a its a good way to give your manager the option of reading in slow time.

When you say your manager made a massive fuss, you're missing the point. Take the prompt that 1x1 meetings during probation are really important. You're in an assessment phase, to show you're right for the role and performing well as a new starter - the regular meetings are a great way to show you're on top of the role and the opportunity to proactively surface any concerns, blockers and priorities to your manager.

In those weekly meetings you have your Manager's 100% attention. You can mention any email you've sent that hasn't been responded to. If the email cannot wait until your meeting , state the date by when you need a decision or comments or whatever.

When I say a fuss it was more to show it was my manager who said 1-1's were important to her but despite me rescheduling and sending many emails and follow ups my emails don't get responded to and continue to be ignored.

I have tried to book 1-1's and she has cancelled every one with sorry I'm too busy to make this

OP posts:
TheMildManneredMilitant · 01/02/2023 10:30

I think that's really shitty of them. When I took on a new role my manager prioritised 1-1s and now I'm establishing my own team I'm doing the same. We're mostly remote working and it's so key to making sure they are on track and just generally happy. Also have formal review points.