Working mums - when do you find time.......................................

[mandymoo]

to:

give your child/ren your undivided attention
exercise
rest
have "you" time
do the housework

I work 3 days a week and just cant see how i can do everything i want.

Mandymoo,

Bedtime-story time
At work (lunchbreak)
Couple of hours at night
Travelling to work and those blissful hours between about 7pm and 10pm
Saturday mornings and the odd 30 mins here and there...

I work a full week in 4 days in london. Working from 7am-5pm and i have 1 hr travel each way aswell. The boys (19mth and 8mth) have the aupair at home.

give your child/ren your undivided attention: 6-7.30pm mon-thur and all day fri + weekends

exercise - pelvis only jsut mended after giving birth and physio, so jsut starting swimming in my lunch hour

rest - never. sometimes at 10pm ill sit and watch the news before bed

have "you" time - once a month when i go and get my eyebrows waxed and hair done!

do the housework - luckily aupair keeps on top of things during the week, me and H clean at weeeknds and once every 3mths i have a cleaner do a top-bottom.

I work 2 or 3 days a week from home. School holidays are a nightmare!

Children getting undivided attention: rare - one is 5 and one is 16 months so they don't need or want the same sort of undivided attention, IYSWIM. However we go on walks to the park and so on quite a lot, and DS1 prefers playing with other little boys than me! They just sort of join in with everything and merge with whatever's going on. But DH works at home too so he's more flexible in giving them time as well.

Exercise - what's that? Try and walk everywhere I can, but I tend to have to work a lot in the evenings so the yoga class I am meaning to sign up to will have to wait.

Rest - For about an hour after the boys' bedtime (7.30/8.00ish) until about 9.00 when I start working again/ironing or whatever. Have reasonable night's sleep (11-6.60). When DS1 is at school and DS2 goes for a nap after lunch I always make sure I sit down and read the paper for half an hour - otherwise I'd be dead by evening.

'Me' time - that's called working.

Housework - whenever I can. If I'm lucky it's once a week for hoovering/dusting etc. Often you can write your name in the dust before I get round to doing anything about it.

Interesting comment about children today getting more attention than in previous generations. Do you think that's true? I can't remember my Mum playing with me, and certainly she used to do the housework whilst we were around at a toddler stage, but I could read before I went to school so someone must have done something!

I try and do some tidying and housework with DS around in the evenings/weekends, so my hoovering is interspersed with 'Don't touch that plug' and trying to keep one eye on him. I figure it's part of his education to see me cleaning, so he'll be able to take it over in a couple of years...

I sleep very little. About 6 hours/night.

I do not have 'me' time. I don't really see the point. I had plenty of 'me' time in the 32 years before I had a family. I knew small children don't care about Mummy's 'me' time and tbh I don't feel the need for it.

As far as I'm concerned, if you want to do everything you want, don't have kids.

This undivided attention thing is a bit of a tricky one. I forgot that DD has 10 minutes on a work morning while DH gives DS his brekkie (DD has hers at nursery). But a lot of the things people have been saying like bathtime - they have my undivided attention but it is shared between the two of them and lots of other time is like this through the day. Although unless DH is away they each have their own bedtime story.

when i worked three days a week i had no problem doing any of these as would spend days off doing housework tfirst thing and then about lunch time spend time with ds2 making lunch and then going to the park etc, then when ds1 came home from scholl would let ds2 watch tv while i spent time with ds1 doing homework or reading or just talking about his day.
would go to the gym on a friday morning and put ds2 in the creche, rest of the time would go swimming after kids had gone to bed whiledh was still working at home on the computer, my me time was the gym, swimming, but would majke time to have a long bath on work nights and do my nails etc for a rest.
now i work full time i have a cleaner (only £30 a week) spend time with the kids on an evening and weekend me time is still bath time, spending time with dh after that and exercise when i can usually swimming on a sunday morning while dh takes the kids for a bike ride.

I think it's totally possible to do all on your list if you work a 35 hour week. At this point I have to say I have an easy 20 minute walk to and from work, so no commute to tire me out.

1.give your child/ren your undivided attention

For me the answer is to get sons into a late-ish to bed, late-ish to rise routine - bed around 8.30 - 9 for nearly 6 year old. Later for 112 year old. They wake up around 8.00 am.

2. exercise
   I used to run to work, will do again once heel injury has cleared up.

3. rest
   get around 7 hours sleep a night, no problem

4. have "you" time
   Lunch hours, time when work is slack and I can catch up on other stuff, but my main 'me time is the early mornings, when the house is quiet. I get up around 6.00 am so have untill 8.00 am to do what I want. Mumsnet usually wins over housework.

5 do the housework
See above, but I have the odd blitz at weekends, and tidy up with dh during the week.

Yes, at times I do feel frazzled. But it is manageable, especailly as the boys are getting older and more independent. I am sure I would still find other things to frazzle me if I worked less hours.

I have a friend with two older children - age 8 and 12. She has only ever worked a short hours 3 day week, citing the the reasons you list. It is her life, but I don't go along with her logic, tbh.

Recently I had to button my lips when I heard her half jokingly nagging her husband (who works a long 5 day week) about why he gats so little freelance work on top. Talking to her, she was unhappy they did not have more money as a family. The answer seemed obvious to me

i work full time and have a 10 month old dd. i think it's impossible to have any quality of life unless you 'buy in' help, which is v expensive but keeps my sanity. we are just moving to a v.small house, leaving enough cash to buy in the help that i tell my partner stops me going bonkers and keeps things ticking over.

don't exercise - walk to station/push pram etc

me time - rare. but do have a cleaner and stretch to a home help once a week for five hours

undivided attention for baby - mornings, 7.30-9am, nights 6pm to 7.30pm, weekends, holidays

housework - cleaner or partner/me

What's homehelp?

Mommie,I'm interested in getting a home/mother's help. I can manage my home and children,just sometimes nedd,quite literally another pair of arms especially as dh often away. What does yours do?

Feeling slightly inadequate after reading tigermoth's response. I work 3 days a week and I've found you have to get used to feeling like you're not giving 100% to anything ... don't think anyone else notices other than you, so you need to remind yourself of that fact!!

give your child/ren your undivided attention: evenings and days not working. Use nap time to catch up on other stuff.

exercise - do a lot of walking but no other exercise. Spreading cellulite indication of that.

rest - bed time - dd sleeps from 7.30 to 7.30 so as long as I get to bed in good time, I'm ok. If tired I use nap time to put my feet up.

have "you" time - don't really have this. Think you need to plan it in - went for a massage recently and that was lovely.

do the housework - after 2 years of chaos, resorted to getting a cleaner who comes in for 3 hours once a week to do cleaning and iron dh's shirts. An absolute godsend. Before, I was spending my days off racing around cleaning, and not giving dd much attention at all, or using up weekends and dh travels a lot so that was bad as well. This is my biggest tip - a luxury but the same price as say - an indian takeaway once a week (OK - a big one!).

Come on. Tell us about homehelp. We are considering a cleaner but homehelp might be better.

When my dd was 6 mths my dh went abroad. I returned to work f/t.Was also doing all the housework,had a dog that needed a long daily walk,used washable nappies,breastfed (went into dd's nursery every lunchtime),was training to be a b/feeding peer supporter one afternoon a week,and went to the gymn twice a week.

All family were a long way away too.

Unsurprisingly,I nearly had a nervous breakdown about 7 months later!!

Now I'm an SAHM with two small children and that's bloody hard work too.
There's no let up either way......

sorry - by home help, i mean someone who comes in and plays with my daughter and helps me feed her and takes her for a walk. i pay her 8.50 an hour and she is like a sister. she comes when i work one day a week from home and she comes at the weekends just to give a helping hand really (and prevent the arguments i would have had with my dp this weekend when he watched wall to wall cricket). i love this woman.

ps; she didn't come through an agency but was recommended by a friend of mine, so don't know what agency home helps do, but imagine it is similar. Also just realised, she comes twice a week - not once. in fact, my life is beginning to sound a doddle, tho' it doesn't feel like it.

I work three days a week and have dd1 nearly 4 and dd2 17 months. I find it stressful to juggle all the demands of children/home/work.
In theory this is what I attempt to do:

give your child/ren your undivided attention - as much as possible on the days I don't work, I usually go out to do some fun thing (e.g. swimming, park, indoor play place, meet friends) on the two days tha I am at home without dh. I alway feel guilty when I go off and do a bit of house work.
exercise - i see looking after two children as exercise don't want any 'formal' exercise
rest - evenings 9-10pm watch tv or read a book
have "you" time see above although lunchtimes at work are good for this an hour wandering around shoes or coffee with a colleague
do the housework - bit a pieces each day/evening, I don't ever really feel on top of and would love to be able to afford a cleaner.

Constant sources of difficulty to me are: On the days that I am at work my children have dinner at nursery however I find it almost impossible to find time to cook a decent healthy varied meal for them when I am at home alone with them.
If I do some washing/cleaning/housework when they are around I feel that it is a bad use of time and I should be having quality time with them instead. Not sure how to deal with these.

I work from home, and so I work round my 2 dd's. Unfortunately since dd2 was born dd1 hasn't had much quality time, but I do try and do special days with her. Or when dd2's asleep I make sure she then has my undivided attention.
As for "me" time, I've forgotten what thats like. I did book a massage recently and that was fab.
As far as the housework is concerned, I must admit I normally just do the bits you can see!!!

I usually work evenings and weekends but am on matty leave at the moment. I manage in the following way:-

give your child/ren your undivided attention

Each morning before nursery

exercise

Thats racing round after active 3 year old

rest

Not sure what that is

have "you" time

Never been known

do the housework

In the afternoon whilst dd is at nursery.

Most of this has gone out og the window and the only thing i seem to be doing at the moment is racing round after the three year old as it is school holidays and i am not at work till feb. God alone knows how i am going to manage in 4 weeks time when baba arrives.

I work five days a week but only part of the day and manage the following:

Attention to children - DS (5) demands all, DD (1) (makes me feel bad) gets little as she sleeps after nursery and then we have to leave to pick up DS from School. We always eat together for breakfast and dinner and I try and bath them separately to give them their own time.

Exercise - go for a run about once a week and take kids swimming, to the park etc. Walk to school and back from Park and ride stop. Not far.

Rest from about 10 pm when kids are in bed and washing up, clearing up done. My house not the cleanest but DH helps on a Satuday am.

Go out with friends at least once a month and have my hair cut once every two months. Mumsnet.

That's it really.

Q - give your child/ren your undivided attention
A - from the moment I pick her up until the moment she falls asllep, from the moment she opens her eyes until I drop her off, weekends and my day off in the week.

Q - exercise
A - I don't, but if I did an exercise DVD, other than that my exercise is sex with DP and carrying and lifting my DD

q - rest
a - plenty pof time when i'm dead for that! But after dinner, from about 9.30 - midnight and at weekends when my DD is napping or watching a bit of TV

Q - have "you" time
A - arrange baby sitters, have DD stay overnight at nana's, in the evening after she's gone to bed.

q - do the housework
A - hire a cleaner

Thomcat - sex with dp? I class that these days as him helping me with the housework ;)

give your children undivided attention; don't do the housework/laundry/odd jobs/food shopping esp holidays. my kids never really get individual time everything is always family stuff, althought this holidays I have started to teach DD's to sew whilst DS watches football with DH.
excercise; get up at 6am to go for run at least 3 x week or go on running machine at midnight!!!
rest; never. I sleep about 6hours per night on average
me time; when kids are out playing at park etc I read my book (holidays only) during term time forget it it's like boot camp. We just about manage to get through the week.
housework. I don't do it and try to have cleaner at least once a week ( my luxury) although I generally pay her half of what I earn!!!

I work 5 days a week unfortunately long hours. My answer....

Sleep is a highly over-rated comodity

I have just returned to full time work leaving my 4 month old in nursery. It is the hardest thing I have ever had to do, but although I love a clean tidy orderly house, I have found my priorities are now different.

I spend as much quality time with her as possible, and everything else is done whilst she sleeps...the house is no longer perfect but my baby, husband and I are!