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Original poster

How long did you take on maternity leave and what is the minimum you would consider?

53 replies

wastwinsetandpearls · 13/04/2010 12:43

Another thread has got me thinking.

I am luckier than most and have a dp who works part time from home, I recognise this before I get flamed.

We are trying for a baby , we have been waiting for 6 years for the perfect time which has involved me being well and financial security. I am well and although things are not perfect financially we are better than most.

I am the major breadwinner and therefore I cannot be out of the workplace for very long at all. I get 6 weeks at 90 %, we then cannot afford to drop in wage so that may have to be it. I could maybe last one more month. Dp would then have to take over. He says this is not an issue and he will have to fit in his part time flexi work around a baby. My Mum is also moving down to be near us so she can help out. ( That depends on her selling her house though)

It has dawned on me that this is unworkable and we need to stop trying for a baby at least for another year ( which may mean forever) and accept that we are lucky to have the one rather fabulous child we do have. As an added detail dd is not dp's biological child.

Am I right, is this unworkable and a baby is just a pipe dream?

OP posts:
jamaisjedors · 13/04/2010 12:49

I don't think this is unworkable.

Minimum in France is 16 weeks, 4-6 before, 10 weeks after.

I went back to work full-time (as a teacher) after the statutory after both DS. I was lucky though that as a teacher (but I think you are, aren't you?) both returns to work coincided with a 2 week holiday so that was added on the end.

If DP is onboard, I would go for it now - you have no idea how long it will take!

jamaisjedors · 13/04/2010 12:52

I don't know your position on bf, but if that is something that's worrying you, I managed to bf both DS for a minimum of a year, although DS1 did have formula during the day when I went back to work, I just fed him loads on the weekends and holidays and early morning/evenings to keep my supply up.

With DS2 I managed to express once a day on full working days and used an electric pump to pump one side while I fed from the other in the morning.

I went back to work in May so only had to do it for 2 mths or so and then it was the summer holidays.

Worth bearing in mind that I found it a lot easier going back to work in the spring (end of April/beginning May) than in January with DS1.

Bramshott · 13/04/2010 12:55

I took 4 months with DD2, although I worked part time.

SuperSoph73 · 13/04/2010 12:57

I agree with jamaisjadors that it's not unworkable. We live in the Canaries and with DS1 I actually had 3 years off, 16 weeks of that was paid maternity leave and the rest (unpaid) was an extension, which is legal here. The school I work at (not a teacher though) also had to give me a job after the 3 years were up, but not necessarily the same job. I was an Assistant Teacher ESL and am now the Library Co-ordinator.

Fortunately we were only renting at the time & DH could afford to support us for that length of time.

With DS2 I only had the statutory 16 weeks leave and then returned to work as we now have a mortgage to pay, car to run, 4 mouths to feed, etc, etc

It has worked out really well as far as I'm concerned & fortunately DS2 loves his nursery. If we'd have actually really thought about it there was no way we could afford another baby - but balls to that I say, just go for it

Good luck!

VinegarTitsOnaDiet · 13/04/2010 12:59

i took 10 weeks off with my ds2, and i am a lone parent so didnt have the support of a dp, if i can make it work anyone can! good luck on ttc

Original poster
wastwinsetandpearls · 13/04/2010 13:04

Yes I am a teacher.

Yes breastfeeding is something that worries me.

I am also feeling guilty as I was at home with dd for almost five years, I just can't afford to do that again.

We have wanted a baby for so long and things have just never been right. I am now 35 and we can't just keep waiting, as someone said above it may take a long time to conceive.

OP posts:
SuperSoph73 · 13/04/2010 13:11

Seriously love, just go for it. You'll work out all the logistics. I was 35 when I conceived DS2 btw.

DorotheaPlenticlew · 13/04/2010 13:12

35 isn't old for ttc! Although if you have health concerns or fertility problems that make a difference, apologies -- I just mean it generally.

To answer your original post: I took 1 year off with DS. Am expecting second baby in a fortnight or so, but I was made redundant while pregnant, so will have to job-hunt before I can go back.

In order to maximise my chances of finding a suitable job, I imagine I'll have to start looking much sooner than I'd like (am already sort of looking, tbh ). I don't want to take less than 6 months if I can help it, but it's really hard to say how I'll feel if I find a job opening sooner that makes sense to take.

And if I don't find anything then, well, we'll be a bit screwed tbh!

jamaisjedors · 13/04/2010 13:13

I wouldn't wait, do you already know your cycle/fertile times?

If not take a look at the book "taking charge of your fertility" if you want to do a bit of planning or try to time the baby etc.

But with school holidays every six weeks or so you will probably manage to get some benefit out of them, even if it means you go back to work for a week and then have a couple off.

Remember that your DP is at home, and even if he wasn't, I don't think your child will turn round later on and say, hey, you stayed at home with DD1 and not with me.

EndangeredSpecies · 13/04/2010 13:14

My business started to take off when I was three months pregnant with DD. Crap timing or what. DD - a week mat leave
DS - the time I was in hospital, 4 days.

OK I work from home but it's still work. Like you I'm the main breadwinner and there was no other option. Only note of caution: give your relationship with DP a proper MOT before you start ttc.

jamaisjedors · 13/04/2010 13:16

You could also look on this as DP's chance/turn to stay at home with the baby.

As someone who experienced a miscarriage at 10 weeks between the DS, I would again urge you to decide that NOW (ie sometime in the next 2 years, whenever it happens) is the right time to start "trying".

RiverOfSleep · 13/04/2010 13:18

I only got 6 weeks at 90% too, but my GP signed me off sick after that for a few months as my company do pay 100% for sick leave for up to three months.

I had an infected perineum, marvellous really because I could still get out and about, and looked to all intents and purposes like I was absolutely fine, so my boss couldn't complain that I was skiving or anything.

Would thoroughly recommend it (you need a good GP of course....)

Original poster
wastwinsetandpearls · 13/04/2010 13:21

Endangered we are very happy, it is one of the long list of things we have managed to address.

We have also had a miscarriage not very long ago.

I just feel a bit crap about not being able to be at home for longer.

OP posts:
EggyAllenPoe · 13/04/2010 13:21

i would check on your entitlement to WTC/ CTC with/without going back to work early. Also consider how much you can save in advance of the birth if you really cut down on household outgoings.

i took 9 months because the SMP & WTC/CTC was enough to cover everything if we were really miserly. And will again. i think i'd have taken longer first time (whilst my husband was stil employed) if i'd worked it out properly in advance.

notyummy · 13/04/2010 13:21

River - and that is why some companies don't want to employ/promote women of childbearing age....

lucykate · 13/04/2010 13:23

with dd (2002, and at this point, i was the main wage earner, dh was self employed), i took 5 months. the company i worked for didn't add anything to smp, so i went back once the smp stopped.

with ds (2005, different circumstances now, dh is now the main wage earner but is working away monday - friday), i took the full year. we couldn't really afford it but with dh not around, was very tricky me going back full time with 2 in childcare. i ended up handing my notice in and we relocated closer to dh's new job.

tbh, money wise, if you wait till you can afford a baby, it'll never happen. we held off on baby 2 (wanted them closer together than 3 years), but in the end, when the time was right, i miscarried twice and ended up feeling why did we wait.

RooBear · 13/04/2010 13:24

I want 6 months, and we've been through all the finances and although we're ok (wedding paid off morgage etc..) childcare is expensive. But we've said this will never change we save every spare penny we have so if now isn't right it may never be, so in short just go for it

EndangeredSpecies · 13/04/2010 13:25

then go for it!!

Original poster
wastwinsetandpearls · 13/04/2010 13:26

We are saving now and have made a lot of cutbacks, we have had to in order to ber able to afford dp working from home at reduced hours.

I am not sure how WTC and CTC work, we woudl rather do this ourselves if possible. We used tax credits years ago when I was at home with dd and it was just so stressful worrying about overpayments. We could possibly start claiming our child benefit though.

I am not sure that I would get WTC either if on maternity leave, would they not consider my normal wage. When I go back to work I will have no option but to do so full time.

OP posts:
MmeBlueberry · 13/04/2010 13:27

I went back to work when DS1 was 13 weeks, a total of 14 weeks off. It was fine. I fed ds at lunchtime for many weeks and expressed at work until he was about a year.

Original poster
wastwinsetandpearls · 13/04/2010 13:27

It is such a hard balance to get right, I don't want to have a baby that we cannot support or look after. But as others have said you could wait forever for the right time.

OP posts:
jamaisjedors · 13/04/2010 13:37

But it really sounds like you have thought quite clearly about how you would support/look after this baby.

And it sounds like you would need little if any outside the family childcare (not that I'm anti-that, our childminder is almost part of the family, comes to all the birthday parties, buys presents at Xmas etc.).

heading4home · 13/04/2010 13:45

Wastwinsetandpearls - I really sympathise with your situation as I am the main (only!) breadwinner at the moment and my dh is a full time student. I tried and tried to wait until he graduated but it will still be another 18 months. When I turned 35 last year, I just couldn't wait any longer and we went for it. Result, I am now 6 weeks pg.

While I am over the moon, I am also very anxious as I will only get 16 weeks mat leave (Switzerland is shite). I was a SAHM for my dd for more than 2 years and while I don't want to do that again, I like working, I also know exactly how hard it's going to be to go back so early.

At the end of the day though, I decided that I wanted another baby (or 2), that my dd needs a sibling and that my dh is getting on a bit (47 this year) therefore I'll make whatever sacrifices necessary to make this work.

My work is very variable with regards to flexibility - some people have got away with coming back part time, others have eased back in starting with mornings only and gradually increasing hours, still others have been told that they come back full time at 16 weeks without a choice I will be fighting for easing back in.

Not sure if this helps but I did want to share my experience. We kind of though it could take years to conceive again with us both being "ancient" in reproductive terms, but in fact it only took 5 months.

heading4home · 13/04/2010 13:47

By the way, the plan is that when I go back to work, the baby will be partly in nursary (where my daughter goes so I know it is EXCELLENT) and partly cared for by dh.

MollieO · 13/04/2010 13:52

Another lone parent here. I took 10 months. Had planned to take 6 but ds not well enough for me to return to work (prem so my ML started the day after I had him!).