Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Work

Chat with other users about all things related to working life on our Work forum.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

How long did you take on maternity leave and what is the minimum you would consider?

53 replies

wastwinsetandpearls · 13/04/2010 12:43

Another thread has got me thinking.

I am luckier than most and have a dp who works part time from home, I recognise this before I get flamed.

We are trying for a baby , we have been waiting for 6 years for the perfect time which has involved me being well and financial security. I am well and although things are not perfect financially we are better than most.

I am the major breadwinner and therefore I cannot be out of the workplace for very long at all. I get 6 weeks at 90 %, we then cannot afford to drop in wage so that may have to be it. I could maybe last one more month. Dp would then have to take over. He says this is not an issue and he will have to fit in his part time flexi work around a baby. My Mum is also moving down to be near us so she can help out. ( That depends on her selling her house though)

It has dawned on me that this is unworkable and we need to stop trying for a baby at least for another year ( which may mean forever) and accept that we are lucky to have the one rather fabulous child we do have. As an added detail dd is not dp's biological child.

Am I right, is this unworkable and a baby is just a pipe dream?

OP posts:

RiverOfSleep · 13/04/2010 13:56

notyummy - its stupid having better sick pay policies than maternity policies though.

I work with almost all women, most in their 40s and 50s. The majority have had lots of time off for hysterectomies and gallstones. I think employing 20 and 30 something women would have been better for the company, sick/maternity pay wise.

Original poster

wastwinsetandpearls · 13/04/2010 14:09

Heading4home, our plan is similar. I am not sure where the money for childcare is going to come from.

As I am paid out of your taxes you will be relieved to know that I am not following RiverofSleep's advice.

OP posts:

foureleven · 13/04/2010 14:13

wastwinsetandpearls You can do anything if ou put your mind to it

EggyAllenPoe · 13/04/2010 14:15

I am not sure that I would get WTC either if on maternity leave, would they not consider my normal wage.

they will condsider what you actually expect to earn, if you haven't claimed before - and if you have if it is different enough they will process on basis of expected rather than last years pay.

you have all your life after having this baby to pay all the tax you want and more...I wouldn't feel bad about taking a short term subsidy from the state if you are eligible.

Doodleydoo · 13/04/2010 14:29

Wastwinset - one thing to remember in all this - your dp will be at home for some of the time and your mum will be there too. So if you do feel you need to return to work earlier than sm pays then your baby would be looked after by a loving family member and that is so so so lucky , as others have said if you wait for the finances to be correct it could never happen and that would be so sad for all of you (dp, dm and dd not to mention you!!!!!)

Re breastfeeding - I am led to believe that you are entitled to have "time out" to express for bf during working hours much like you are entitled to go for scans and dr's appointments. If I am correct you could always express for the next day at work, and bf when you get home and before you get to work. This way you might even get the best of both worlds! (Still all the bf nutritional value, someone else being involved in feeding too and the bonding you would have by bf with your time at home.)

I hope that helps I really do, and you will always have the benefit of the school holidays.

minipie · 13/04/2010 14:30

wastwinsetandpearls - you can definitely manage this, especially with a DP who can take on most of the childcare once you return to work. Men manage to go back to work weeks after their baby is born all the time... you are effectively in the traditional "male" position here and your DP is in the "female". From the baby's point of view that will be just fine.

The question is really not whether it is possible, but whether it is what you want to do. Realistically, you probably will feel sad about leaving the new baby when you go back to work. On the other hand, I'd have thought that would be outweighed by the joy of having another DC.

bamboostalks · 13/04/2010 14:37

I think I would see if you could stay at home for longer than 6 weeks. As a teacher, don't you get half pay for the next 18 weeks or something. You will never get the chance again and it will be very tough leaving a 6 wk old baby and difficult to keep feeding, although not impossible. Couldn't your husband pick up some extra hours so you could stay at home a little longer?

alicatte · 13/04/2010 14:43

Wastwinset,

I really think you can do this childcare wise, if your partner has thought it through re-his work. Its more a question of how you will feel if you only have such a short time to recover.

Teaching is a hard job - physically speaking and very time-consuming.

Original poster

wastwinsetandpearls · 13/04/2010 14:48

Without sounding selfish it is about whether I will cope and if I will just be thoroughly miserable or even worse have another bout of PND. My school does not consider flexible working requests especially for someone in my role.

We can't live on half pay plus SMP and if my dp were to build his hours back up he would have real problems reducing them again. Our family cannot function with two people working full time.

OP posts:

lovechoc · 13/04/2010 14:51

I took 10 months mat leave with DS1, went back when DS was 6 or 7 months old but realised it wasn't for me as I missed him too much and handed in my notice.

minipie · 13/04/2010 15:04

If you have PND, wouldn't you get paid sick leave?

foureleven · 13/04/2010 15:06

'paid' sick leave?

Original poster

wastwinsetandpearls · 13/04/2010 15:10

If I have to take paid sick leave for any length of time it will be the end of my career.

I want to avoid PND because it is crap for my family not for financial reasons.

OP posts:

minipie · 13/04/2010 15:12

Oh I hope that didn't sound like I was suggesting you aim for PND, obviously I wasn't . Just wondered if at least you could feel that there would be some financial let up in that situation.

Original poster

wastwinsetandpearls · 13/04/2010 15:14

No I didn't think that, I am very likely to get some form of PND, we are just trying to limit it. Last time I had to spend months in hospital with it.

OP posts:

foureleven · 13/04/2010 15:16

Most employers dont offer paid sick leave. You can obviously get sick pay from government but its hardly anything.

And sadly yes in most cases a nail in the coffin for your career

emy72 · 13/04/2010 15:40

I think all of this sounds workable, but I would also add that 35 is still relatively young and you still have years ahead of you. I had my 4th child at 37 and I know many many people who had their second child at 39, 40, 42, a friend of mine had twins at 43. So I don't think age is a problem, and if saving up for another year or two makes you more relaxed as it means having more time off then I don't think age should be a concern?

notyummy · 13/04/2010 15:44

river - it is a vicious circle though. If you abuse the sick system whilst pregnant then you put a nail in the coffin of your career (unless you are real exception to the rule) and never get into an influential position to push for better maternity pay. It also casts a shadow over people who do not abuse the system and leads people to group us all together and assume we will do the same thing.

Original poster

wastwinsetandpearls · 13/04/2010 17:01

I agree 8-9 years ago I had no choice but to take sick leave. It has taken me all that time to get my career back to the point at which I left it and even now it hangs over me.

OP posts:

CarGirl · 13/04/2010 17:06

When I had my eldest who is now 13 I had to be actively seeking work from when she was 6 weeks old so I started working as an assistant in the library when she was 9 weeks old - it was okay but I did bottlefeed her from birth with my younger ones I spent at least a month just cracking bf them!

mememe30 · 13/04/2010 17:16

My sister in law went back to work the next week after her baby was born. She worked part time for about 3 months taking her 6 weeks maternity leave over this time. Baby's dad was at home with baby. She is the major breadwinner and him staying at home was always the plan. She also has a very good relationship with her children. She didn't breastfeed so that wasn't a problem. DO whatever works for you!!

violethill · 13/04/2010 17:46

Twinset - you may have seen other threads where I've talked about this. I went back when my first baby was 12 weeks old, and this was very much the norm in those days - ie: before extended Mat Leave. ML was 3 months on some pay, with an additional 3 months on no pay, and as it was early 90s with exorbitant mortgage rates, barely anyone I knew could afford the additional 3 months. I can't remember, but I also think things like mortgage 'holidays' weren't so common then, so it was just totally the norm for women to return after 3 months.

I would say PHYSICALLY it's harder, particularly if you continue bf, but EMOTIONALLY probably the best time to start leaving a baby, as they haven't reached that 'separation' thing that kicks in at about a year. So it's swings and roundabouts. I see a lot of colleagues these days returning after a whole year off, and although they've enjoyed the longer break, I've noticed that they tend to have more problems settling their child into childcare at that age.

Organisation is key as well. You will just need to have systems for everything!

jamaisjedors · 13/04/2010 18:22

I agree with Violethill.

I found it relatively easy to leave my two at 3/3.5 months old, and for the babies it was fine.

I think it is harder once they are older and have to get used to being "left" - although your baby would be with its father so not "left" at all.

I also agree that yes it is pretty physically gruelling, I found it esp. so after DS1, as I mentioned, I went back in January and came down immediately with some kind of cold/flu, but didn't feel I could take leave because I'd just been "off", plus it was a new job I was starting.

But 2nd time round was way easier, you are less stressed about the baby, and more importantly, you have coping strategies in place for sleep and you know the baby phase will end soon.

Original poster

wastwinsetandpearls · 13/04/2010 18:48

Yes I hasd thought similar violet, and at worst the baby would be in childcare for a few hours a day so dp could get some work done. Hopefully if my Mum were to move we would may not even need that.

People who have gone back to work at 3 months what childcare did you use?

OP posts:

CarGirl · 13/04/2010 18:55

Childminder, I would really not want a young baby in a nursery environment where older babies would be much more vocal in their care needs! My personal preference though you need to look around at all your options and see what there is where you live, nanny share an option?

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread