Do you ever regret your career or non-career?

[PavlovtheCat]

I never really followed any direction. I had ended up where i am in my career by sort of default. Well not the position, that was hard work, but the profession. It is close to what i want to do. But, i only realised what I wanted to do by doing this job.

And now, i think it is too late .

Anyone else feel like this? Does anyone wish they could turn the clock back to being 17/18/19 and make different educational decisions?

Has anyone taken a major leap of faith in themselves at the expense of other things, career wise and changed direction? retrained in a profession? How was it?

I think that's the right attitude, pavlov. We've been going through school applications and researching overseas holiday/language camps for the DSSs for some time now (and DSS1 got his first lycée acceptance yesterday - woo hoo!) and keeping them involved in the whole process of trying to expand their opportunities and horizons is just key, firstly to their buy in, and secondly to helping them understand that it really is as easy as trying - the world does not come knocking at your doorstep, and if you just search for opportunities there is a lot out there!

I am lucky in that many things come easily to me, and many things interest me. Unfortunately, it makes it impossible to choose a long term career path.

I turn 30 next month. I hold a uni degree in biology, plus two diplomas-one as an herbalist, one as a wilderness guide. I have run my own business, owned a home, written and released an album as a singer/songwriter, worked across Canada (my original home) and travelled. I now live in the UK and I have a good job that pays well, but job growth is limited and it's not a field I'm exactly trained in.

Where does that leave me? Travelling and exploring was fun, but now I'm 31 weeks pregnant with no real career, no pension, no significant savings, and no idea how to move forward.

My problem is that I become interested in something, study it, work at it until I'm burnt out, then move on to the next bright and shiny thing.

Jasper how were you able to pay for it? I started out as a pre-med student long ago. I don't know how I'd afford to go back into a professional degree.

Ponddrop no offence but that's exactly where I don't want to be! I'm also a jack of all trades and study something avidly until the next shiny thing comes along - I haven't found something that sticks yet, although linguistics has managed to keep my attention for nearly 18 months!

Bonsoir, I can't stand teaching instrumental music because I have perfect relative pitch and I just get too irritable when they don't play in tune! As far as class teaching goes I don't love it enough to teach it to people who aren't interested. I'd love teaching academic or gifted students but that's not going to happen. I also think my degree is too niche - double dissertation on fairly oscure bits of pre17th century music - and lacking in what one might expect a music teacher to know because I only studied what interested me. I'm terrible at composition and never wanted to be a performer so I focused on theory and history. Also I never really wanted to teach music, I wanted to do primary but just when I got accepted onto the PGCE I wanted we had to move. So now I'm stuck.

I am an engineer doing a business degree with a specialism in French but what I really want to do is get a masters in Maths and teach it at a university.
Odd isn't it. Reading this thread has really been good for me though, I don't feel that I'm too old to do what I want to do anymore.

Whatever I do it will have to be on the OU pat time as I am the main earner, but at least I am more confident that I can do it now.

I really do think this is a common problem though for women in their thirties. So many people I know are going through the career crisis.

I kinds drifted into my career and I love love love love love my job.

I am a careers advisor

Are you really?? If so, would you advise me? I will happily pay. Am deadly serious, I have been tying to find decent adult vareers advice for over a year now but there is none out there.

Can I say honestly what my first thoughts were on this? I thought ....

Oh don't be so bloody silly, Pavlov, of course you should become a lawyer. It's not like you to be so wishy-washy. Get a move on, woman.

...

Then I got my slightly more serious head on, and thought, 'ooh yes, it's a bit tough changing career mid-thirties, especially with 2 DCs and a DH currently unemployed'

...

and then I thought 'no, I'm going to change career mid-thirties, so can Pavlov, she's twice as tough as me'. Best of luck, my lovely!

WHat a great thread.

Pavlov said

"I wish i had known earlier that i wanted, or more to the point, could have become a lawyer, i considered it, and dismissed it out of hand as a younger person as I never thought in a million years i was intelligent enough, confident enough, rich enough to finance the study involved. I thought that only those with wealthy parents would be lawyers, or those who were ultra clever, and i fell into neither of those categories, so it was a fleeting thought that was as close to being real as being an astronaut. In another life, i thought. NOW, i know differently, but not sure how i would change that if i was younger, as i was just not old enough to know this about myself."

That describes me very accurately. Fortunately I realised the truth in good time , in my early 20s, before I had children.

Ponddrop I had to pay fees for the first two years , and used my savings from working in a fast food place.In the clincal years my fees were paid for - this was Scotland in the 80s, and I was very fortunate.

grendelsmum you are a lovely woman! Thank you! (did you hear we had court case and so far it is going in our favour. The judge has 'said' it can go either way, you never know these things, but subtle pauses here and there when directing information (i know this has been hard on you Mrs Pavlov and of course you Mr builder[afterthought]). i think they already know he is a lowlife, but this will be the nail in the coffin. This survey means this is ours, and he knows it. It is why he has been intimidating his ex employee, to the point his mother has had to change locks and he checks his car brakes every morning he has reported it to the police. Not sure when this becomes something more than bothering. Sorry i digress with my update!

DH and I are talking about it. I told him, i do not want regrets, and i can live with the lack of decisions made in our past as we were young, inexperienced in life etc, but we are not now, and i have ambition now, if i don't take it, will i always wonder?I think i will. Not sure if i will go down the whole full on lawyer route immediately, i wont be able to get part time lawyer hours! But i can work towards it for when DS is at school. And perhaps so can DH towards his. Or i could do a masters/phd in criminalogy and a chance my employers might pay for it if i stay there? (vague but it is relevant as it deals with multi-agency working which is what i do) but not sure if this is what i want to do really. Not sure if research is what i want to do. I want to win arguments for a living! . This thread has helped me think very hard, and focus my energies on working out with DH where we go from here.

grendel what are you going to do? and what were you doing?

What kind of law do you want to do? There are so many posts from disgruntled lawyers on mumsnet. In certain areas of law, it isn't an easy job to combine with a family unless you have a very understanding nanny or an extremely supportive husband. I don't want to put you off, as it has its rewards - and accept that I have quite a skewed attitude with a background in corporate law, but that's the truth of it. I don't do client-facing work any more but at least I can leave at 5 and put my kids in the bath and to bed. Good luck though.

iI regret not working in nursing after I had dd 18 yrs ago.
I gave up and then went into family business because it suited the hours I needed with dd. Did that for 10 yrs .
See all those yrs I could have been nursing and working my way up the ladder .
Now I have just returned to nursing but am restricted to whta i do becasue of ds but i am determiined to find my niche in nursing.
I was way too precious about dd looking back and should have stuck with nursing which I love.

I've never really planned my career, and I've been through lots of crap jobs to get here. Though now I look back over the past 10 years I can see how I did lots of stuff (evening classes, voluntary work, etc) which has got me to where I am now - at the beginning of a new career which I find challenging, creative, and absolutely love, and which I can fit around my life as a mother.

Eventually i would like to specialise in employment law ideally, but am prepared for having to do some across the board practice first, and know that family oriented practice is hard to come by, however, I don't live in London so would not be competing against the top brass, the hard nosed lawyers who want to make big time. i have spoken to a couple of law firms here to get a heads up, mainly regarding my age as i always thought you needed to be younger to start, and was told

1. businesses work very closely with local university down here and try to pool their staff from local resources.
2. they welcome older trainees/newly qualified lawyers, especially those who have done a degree, gone into a field that is not law, worked for a few years and have some life experience to offer. Mature newly qualified lawyers are often more dedicated as it is their own desire and experience which brings them into the field, not straight from university with no idea what to expect.
3. they often offer more family friendly work opportunities, as those with children are more likely the people who will stick around in Devon, accept and average rather than high salary and not head to London at the earliest opportunity to get a better paid job and more opportunity. They are often already settled in the area with a partner and children, links and do not want to leave, and this longevity of service is cost effective which ofsets the other sacrifices made by the employer to accommodate family needs.

And i would certainly not be in a position to finish training for a good 4 years even if i start this september, by which time, my DS will be at school and i will be able to put my all into it for a while.

i would quite like to represent clients in employment tribunals (or maybe property lawyer against builders ). My union rep at work has suggested to me previously that when i return from ML (he said this last time not this) and settle back into work, say give it a year, then i should become actively involved in the union. He said the Union that i am a member of is crying out for people who are not afraid to fight, and to be a union rep for those with grievances at work would be a good start for me (i had some issues at work a while ago, ongoing, and he was chair of union, and worked with me, he was always chuckling at the boldness and nerve of my letters, which pulled no punches with the truth). I like the idea of doing something like that, representing the disadvantaged, rather than criminal or corp-orate law, i don't want to work for a major company, i like the idea of being some kind of saviour of the underdog!

This thread has been really interesting. I took GCSEs and A levels and then Iwas ill for a bit. I should have gone to uni to study nursing but I chickened out and did nursery nursing isntead. So after a few years I went to uni and did 2 yrs of a degree in geography. Then I worked in an office then I had 4dcs.

Now dh's trade has been hit he is doing a job he hates (made redundant twice last year) so I have just got a job as a support worker with people with learning difficulties. I'll be able to do NVQs as I go along.

Initially we will have an income cut but things should even out after a couple of years and wtc and hb should make up the difference for now.

I went for the job as it appealed because of a similarity with nursing and there is no way I could do a nursing degree now - too many children and too little money.

I start in April and I am looking forward to it and DH is excited about being at home with the dcs. I do still wish I had done the nursing before I had children though. this seems the best compromise.

whyme good for you! It is a shame in a way there is not an opportunity to do on the job training for things like nursing.

In my profession, they have just changed the way they train the professional element of it. Used to be you would need to apply for the training and effectively 'leave' and be re-employed as a trainee on a much lower wage, less holiday/rights etc for 2 years. About 5 years ago, a job was guaranteed at the end, so there were thousands of applicants for minimal places. Now, a job is not guaranteed, so you could, effectively leave a secure job and be jobless at the end of the 2 years (but with a degree paid for, and salaried for that time). Now, they have scrapped that and the training is on the job. So, i will be doing learning while i work, i will be doing NVQ i think and I have to do some it in order to be 'certified' in my role, and if i want to take it further and become qualified fully i can, will take about 6-8 years? Money is reasonable (good) glass ceiling is removed. I do not want to do it! But it is possible now with children. Shame nursing is not like that.

DH said to me yesterday, 'but pavlov, many many people would love to be in your position, in your job, you are very lucky' I am, i have good annual leave (32 days + BH full time equ), goof flexible working, excellent sickness policy to cover serious illness (6months full pay, 6 months half pay, but not guaranteed, need to be assessed throughout illness). relatively secure in terms of redundancy risk. But i am not driven, i am a bureaucrat who mostly does paperwork. Not thinking really that being a lawyer would be any different, mostly paperwork, a little fun stuff, but the paperwork would be more interesting. As it is now i spend a lot of my time finding out where people stand legally on things, and read lots of CPS docs!

It is hard Pavlov. I think there should be more on the job training for lots of careers. And I suppose there is if you are 18 and unencumbered by small children and mortgages.

And just because you are enviable to other people doesn't mean you are enviable to yourself. It does sound nice but if it doesn't push your buttons it gets really soul destroying eventually.
I know my dh is like this. Hopefully he can do some studying while he is at home with the dcs.

I think there will always be a secret longing to do nursing and maybe in 5 years things may be different and I will get a chance.
tbh I did get an offer to finish the gegree that I started and was initially excited by it but when I really thought it through my heart sank because it just wasn't what I really wanted.

I do hope you find a way forward - the regret never goes away.

I agree, my heart is not in it. I think more than anything i have had a few run in's with my employers, i do not agree with the way they manage their practice, the hypocracy of how they treat staff vs clients (ie lead by example) there is a culture of bullying, which is inherent and runs from HR down, and there is a culture of doing work that is outside our remit, our training and our responsibility which can potentially lead to significant harm and I will not do it, and i will not buy into the culture of silence, i will not do what i am told just because its easier to tow the line and i have made some 'enemies' i guess. I do not respect my employers (not my colleagues who work bloody hard but are perhaps too good at being yes people). Because i do not respect my employers, that is the key really, i just do not see how i could work there long term any more. And i cannot change it myself, which is why my union boss thinks i should get involved in the union, to help change it.

Money and perks do not replace treating people with respect. No amount of money would replace the potential harm that could be done to families if i did what they want.

oh sorry, a little rant there. But i guess that is why i want to change, to do something where perhaps I can make a difference.

I am a social worker, working in child protection with drug using parents. I spend 50% wishing I had ANY other job, and 50% of the time loving my job!

i work with drug using parents and deal with child protection issues too! i work with you guys in multi agency setting. Less so now other than on training, i run groups now.

Pavlov, your earlier post could have been written by me! Rant away honey!