What is more important? Enjoying my job or enjoying the location of the job?

[worklifebalance]

I've namechanged so if you recognise me please don't say.

I work full time (NHS professional). DH made redundant a year ago so it's down to me to keep the money coming in while he sets up self employed business.

Last summer we moved to be nearer my family for a full time permanent dependable job for me although a grade lower than I really am.

The job is crap. I feel patronised and undervalued by my manager and I feel my confidence and motivation being sapped by a miserable team with a culture of bitching.

But I really like living in the area. We have family support here (something we lived without for 6 years and missed). I have old friends here and enjoy the quality of life, have joined clubs, taken evening classes. The school is great and DS1 has settled really well and wouldn't want to move him.

But I can't see how my career can progress in the current management and lack of opportunities in the area, so i'm worried that this is it. Stuck in a shit job. (with my own questionable mental health history that is boosted by having family/friends around)

Tonight i applied for another job which is right up my street and something i've enjoyed before, an appropriate grade/salary,but it would mean moving again. DH doesn't mind moving again. But it would be in an area where we have no family/friends.

So what is more important?

Thanks for reading this far. Any help in thinking this through rationally would be appreciated.

Oh God. I've been in both situations and there are no easy answers. IME having a job you hate can really start to mar your experience of the area. There is a beautiful county in England that I now hate with a passion, all because of the way my job went sour. On the other hand, the job before that was also pretty crap, but I have very fond memories of the area - I even miss it - so it doesn't always follow (probably looking through rose-coloured spectacles after I jumped from the frying pan into the fire). Now I'm lucky to have the perfect balance - I job I really like in an area I really like. But given the choice I think I would go for job over area, within reason.

What was different for me is that in none of these three cases was I close to family so that never came into my decision. It's a really tough one so good luck with it!

Finally, I would say that when you are the main breadwinner (as I am) it is that much more important to enjoy your job to ensure you don't become resentful of your OH. HTH.

How far are the two locations (family/friends and new job) -- are they near enough that you could you travel to family and friends for an evening from the new location? Or near enough to travel for the day, or for the weekend?

Not knowing any more than what you've written above, I would consider the job -- simply because you probably spend 40 + hours at your job, even though it is not paramount or 'more important than family and friends', it takes up a huge amount of your time. And you sound miserable in your current job. I've found that whether I enjoy my job has a major impact on my quality of life.

Besides, you could put aside vacations and holidays to spend near loved ones, if they can't come to visit your family. Get a holiday let, timeshare or rental flat in the family/friends location, and maintain connections. Just my two cents ?

Old job was 9-12 hours drive from family.

Current job is a 10 minute walk from family. Currently children at school with cousins. it's really nice.

Potential new job is about 2-3 hours away. Not an evening visit but certainly weekend.

All 3 jobs in lovely rural national parky type areas.

Thanks for your advice so far. It's helping.

it's such a shame that 'employment issues' doesn't attract the same traffic as 'AIBU' or 'Relationships'.

thanks gaelicsheep and kazookazoo.

you're right about me being miserable at work.

i got a lovely message from an old colleague in my old job saying how she was missing me and my silliness.

but this job is making me grouchy.

if only i could have my old job in this area.

What are you thinking then, wlb? What's your gut feeling, or do you really not know yet? I must say I am envious of you being so close to family. We're a good 8 hours away, and at the moment we may as well be on the other side of the world. I do wish we were closer, although 10 mins walk may be a bit too close!

Miserable at work is no good at all, and imo can't be offset by having family nearby or other good factors about a location. If you're unhappy at work it impacts on everything so if you can do something about it, you should.

9-12 hours away is pretty horrendous but 2-3 hours away sounds like a good trade-off to be happier at work tbh. I'd go for it.

Do you think you can limit your time in your current job. Look elsewhere for 6 months to find something else that is still nearish.

What about agency work - would you earn enough to do that for a while?

my gut feeling is that i don't want to go into work tomorrow it makes me feel so low.

maybe i could wait for another job about half an hour away but that wouldn't necessarily be the right area of work. or wait a bit longer for something else. problem is i would have to move anyway, if i wanted a change of manager., although could probably move an hour away, but would mean a change of school anyway, or a long commute.

i would love to enjoy my work again.

i've applied for the other job anyway.

would be nice to have another option.

grrrr, so disappointed.

i think if i left the area, coming back would be very difficult.

manager in charge of a large geographical area with small amount of staff. nowhere near retirement age.

can't limit time in current job until DH has a steady income.

Dreading going to work is very bad. I've been there and I sympathise. I think you're doing the right thing applying for this job, and I hope you get it. Best of luck!

is there an agency work around for what you do to hand in your notice and do that as of now until you find another job somewhere?

agency work too risky, as risk both of us being unemployed. need permanent positions.

btw, haven't bought a house yet, was sensibly waiting to see if it was working out.

hmmm but would you be eligible for housing benefit etc if you didn't earn much?

If it's making you that unhappy then a few months of poverty is worth it IYSWIM.

I would see what happens first with the job you've applied for before taking any decisions about your current job. If you don't get the job then start considering other options.

Is there any likelihood at all of any other job locally which won't involve working under this manager? If not, and you accept you have to move, then perhaps when you start looking in earnest then other opportunities will open up. I know exactly how you feel about agency work. Also, might that affect how potential employers would perceive you?

i think if i can earn the money i should.
i would feel very nervous about neither of us having a regular income.
i need to work, it's just whether i stay here or try somewhere else.

i've made contact and let another team know i am looking for a move. they have nothing at the moment but will let me know. it may not be suitable when something does come up but commutable.

i won't make any decisions without all the information. you're right. i'm just keeping my head down and concentrating on the work keeping all the crap to the back of my mind.

but am fairly sure there won't be a happy ending here and feel sad about it.

can move sideways out of the NHS or something?

i could work towards going private, but i think that would take a year or so.
that might be a solution but would need a strategy for surviving job for next 1-2 years while i plan my escape.

Just bear in mind that sometimes unexpected changes do happen (re this manager not being near retirement age).

DH found out today that his not-very-favourite boss is moving on (big of delight from DH!).

Sometimes circumstances change unexpectedly.

I know that feels beyond your control, and that you want to be pro-active, but worth factoring in somewhere.

Perhaps a bit of gritted-teeth patience while you consider lots of possiblilities before you give up all this quality of life?

you mean voodoo?

rumour has it that her managers can't stand her either. so something might happen from that level i suppose.

thanks.

Not voodoo .

Twice I've been in situations where I felt trapped with people senior to me who were being horrible and it was really stressful.

Both times, one by one, they moved on for different reasons, completely unexpectedly. And over a surprisingly short space of time.

'Twas a joy and HUGE relief .

Oh, and actually a third set of circumstances wrought a load of misery and then my husband's company paid to relocate us and we're really happy where we are now. Deliverance!

Just suggesting that if you decide location has too many benefits to give up, that all is not necessarily set in stone wrt you work - both your actual job, and the people around you.

Good luck!

it's true i need to consider that.
i have as much right to be here as she does.
maybe just need to have the patience to ride it out.

any tips on that?

Hi, just catching up as i went to bed early! WLB, sounds like the right approach, applying for the job 2-3 hours away and also making contact with the closer team. I would think 2-3 hours sounds OK though obv not ideal if kids are enjoying school with their cousins! That would be a trade-off. But, since you haven't bought a house yet, you could wait and see whether you got the better job and move there, with the idea that you would move back to the better location should a good job at the other team come up?

That strategy depends on two things; one that if you left the good job early-ish, it wouldn't burn bridges that would prevent you from going back to the closer (but possibly less appropriate) team. And you'd be betting on actually getting hired for both of those jobs, of course.

Since it is such an important location to you it might be more practical to think of it as a two-step / longer-term process. Something to think about?