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Original poster

City lawyer - have resigned - now having second thoughts - help!

77 replies

Ronipops · 03/12/2009 15:34

Well, title says it all really. I resigned this week after it all got too much. I'd been agonising over it for weeks and then after a particularly difficult day I just did it. Now I've done it, I'm having second thoughts! Is this normal or a sign that I've made a mistake?

Ostensibly I have a good flexible working arrangement (4 days, slightly shorter days) but, in practice, I have been working a lot more than that recently - which is the problem.

My DS is 18 months and I just feel it is unfair on him for me to work so much. My DH is a lawyer too and so we're both working in demanding jobs. On the other hand, I am scared about being at home all the time and not finding another job which is challenging / decently paid.

I thought the agonising would stop once I had made the decision!

What should I do? Even if I wanted to go back now, could I? Everyone knows I've resigned.

I feel in turmoil.

OP posts:
legalalien · 03/12/2009 15:51

I can certainly understand why you did it. It sounds to me that you've concluded that the job you are in is not the right one for you right now, but you haven't got your head around the idea of not having a job at all. And that is a very scary idea, I think, particularly when you have the kind of career that (I think) you tend to define yourself by, to some extent. I think you need to have a good hard think about whether you want to get another job, and if so what sort of job.

what kind of law do you do? I'm leaving my very flexible PSL job, as it happens - could be just the thing!

Original poster
Ronipops · 03/12/2009 15:54

Employment law. I would absolutely love a PSL role - but just seems there is nothing about at the moment.

OP posts:
Speckledeggy · 03/12/2009 18:36

Hee hee, good for you! Stop worrying.

Take some time out - as long as you need then make a plan about what to do next. If something isn't working then do something else.

You will always find another job and hopefully one that will fit better with your family.

All will be fine...

scottishmummy · 03/12/2009 18:55

have to say any action undertaken in fraught state may be best one

objectivity when less worked up do reflect, was this wise

only you know

pragmatically can 1 wage support?
will you return
how will you maintain sklls

scottishmummy · 03/12/2009 18:56

have to say any action undertaken in fraught state may not be best one

fridayschild · 03/12/2009 19:05

I think you might have to accept it will be a while before you find another job. Blame sub-prime mortgages and try to enjoy your time at home with your DS. I know that's easy to say....

If anyone resigned here I would not be allowed to take them back. You've seen Legal Week's analysis of the partner culling which is going on in the City. You've given your firm a cost free head count reduction. The City is an awful place to work in a recession. Can you persuade yourself you're better off out of it for a while?

Speckledeggy · 03/12/2009 22:13

It all got too much, you'd been agonising for weeks then after a particularly difficult day you made a decision.

Sounds to me like you don't feel happy or fulfilled in what you are doing. How is that good? Life is far too short to be miserable.

Yes, it is tough out in the big outside world at the moment but you will always find a solution to the work/income problem if you need one.

You have made a decision. Trust that it is the right one for you right now. When your stint of being a SAHM stops working for you then do something else. Do not agonise, do not ask the doom-mongers for advice and do not scrutinise these forums. They will only reinforce your doubts and make you even more nervous. At the end of the day, the only person who knows what is right for you is you.

hf128219 · 03/12/2009 22:14

City?

lisalisa · 03/12/2009 22:23

Hi Ronipops - have only read your OP.

another city lawyer here. I have ended up about to start as a self employed consultant to a very large national firm. My arrangment means I can work when and where I want althogh of course I wil only take home what i bill.

Could this be a type of arrangment for you? Or do you wnat to give up work completely? If you want to give up completely and can manage financially then go for it! There ar eplenty of courses you can do to keep stimulated if that is your worry. Do think ahead though to when ds is in school /nursery - only another 2 years - would you be happy then at hme all day alone?

scottishmummy · 03/12/2009 22:25

maintain a back up plan.occasional reading.plan how to re-enter job market when you are ready

perhaps study, do a PG

TigerDrivesAgain · 03/12/2009 22:32

Ronipops

Fraid I agree with fridayschild: atm there won't be much chance of an employer agreeing to let you retract your resignation, when all over the place there are headcount reductions. always worth a try though: we're not a City practice but we've had a couple of people in the past resign in these sort of circs and we've let them work it all out and decide they want to stay. If you don't ask you don't get. PSL jobs will be incredibly few and far between atm, I'm afraid. Is it worth looking for an in-house employment job: seem to be a few more of these around, probably better hours. Regrettably (if you're an emp lawyer in private practice ) they can be a way to cut external legal spend on emp law.

Good luck

Quattrocento · 03/12/2009 22:32

Totally understandable to feel bereft, particularly as it is the kind of job you end up being defined by, even if it didn't necessarily start out that way.

It sounds as though you weren't fundamentally happy - no-one agonises for weeks over a leaving a job they enjoy

So, it sounds as though you do want to find another job which is challenging and decently paid ...

Doing what? Still employment law? When? How long do you plan to stay at home? Could you find a temporary role to keep your hand in? Have you thought about local authority roles or CPS?

iheartdusty · 03/12/2009 22:39

have you thought about applying for a fee-paid appointment?

employment tribunal, or another tribunal perhaps? they all say that you need either the specialised experience, or the ability to learn it.

very flexible, very stimulating, reasonably well paid, and the appointment process takes ages so you'd have plenty of time to think about child-care.

passionfruity · 04/12/2009 00:03

Have you thought about applying to the Government Legal Service?

tiredfeet · 04/12/2009 00:24

I quit my job as a solicitor in a city firm and shortly after I did it I did have the occasional twinge but now, 8 months later, I have no regrets.

I think the parallel is when you've split with an ex and then have that moment of wondering whether it was the right thing to do. The expression 'there an ex for a reason' has always really resonated with me.

it sounds like there were real problems where you were, it wasn't a split second decision, you'd been thinking about it for ages.

It is scary wondering what's next, but its also exciting. For me, I used the time to reflect on what I did and didn't like about the job, to help me decide what type of job I wanted to look for next, one that would suit me better (the absolute key reason for quitting was that my boss was a horrendous bully, but I figured that it gave me the perfect excuse to have a career change)

when you start hunting, there are so many different avenues to explore: a different type of law firm, public sector, in-house, charity sector, academia, teaching (e.g. college of law or somewhere), etc, and thats just in sticking quite narrowly to legal type jobs.

for me, the agonising disappeared once I had ffigured out what direction I wanted to go in and found a new job that will get me there

did feel for a while like I'd lost a big part of who I am, however, it took a while to be at peace with my decision

RibenaBerry · 04/12/2009 08:44

As a lot of people on here know, this is my area too.

I think that actually, you might have more chance of retracting your resignation than in most areas of law. All the employment lawyers I know are dead busy. I think the issue would be how valued you are in your team plus how much pressure your department head would be under. I know that we probably couldn't replace people even though we'd need to because other areas of the firm are down, so the partnership as a whole would want to freeze hiring.

Stepping back, think about why you resigned in the first place. Assume you can't stay at your firm. Will you look for another employment law job or will this be the time for a change of career?

What is it you do enjoy about your job? Advisory? Litigation? Private individuals? Corporate support? That should help you work out what direction to go in.

Realistically, you will find it easier if this is a time to shift gears. You could look for a job outside London (assuming it's commutable out rather than in, if your DH is still a city lawyer). This might take a while, but it could be the answer if you enjoy being a lawyer, but want to decrease the pressure.

You could also think about HR. Have you thought about (assuming you have some savings) studying for CIPD? This would give you time at home with your DS (there are some distance learning options with periodic classes I think) and enable you to sell your departure as a positive career choice. In a year or so, when you'd finished, you'd have a qualification to change direction and the market may have picked up. It would also explain a year or so off without being a big CV hole.

In house, government services, LPC teaching, etc all options, but not much hiring going on at the moment. Employment PSL positions seem to be rarer than hen's teeth because they all get filled internally.

You have my sympathy. Everyone thinks employment should be more family friendly, but it's a bugger to combine with a family isn't it!

Original poster
Ronipops · 04/12/2009 14:52

Thanks for all your comments. I am feeling much better about my decision today, thankfully.

I know deep down it is the right decision for me and my family. I had been thinking of moving out of the City even before I had a child but ended up getting pregnant before I took the plunge.

I really enjoy the technical side of the law and doing advisory work, but don't enjoy litigation and corporate support work as much - particularly when you have too much to do in too little time (which is usually the case!!). PSL work would, I think, be perfect for me but I am realistic about the fact that there are unlikely to be any roles available for a while so not holding my hopes out on this.

I would consider a move to HR but don't really want to undertake another course of study - but if I could do it on the back of being a lawyer then maybe. Otherwise, as some of you have said, there are other options such as teaching, GLS, charity sector.

I think I just have to be brave and remember why I did this and also remember that the City is not the only place to get a job!

So, the plan of action is to look for a job (and to think laterally about possible roles) but, if need be, take 6 months or so out to spend with my DS. I need to keep reminding myself that it is truly a privilege to spend time with him and I am in a very fortunate position to be able to do this for a while. We can manage on one salary for a bit, with belt-tightening. Ultimately, we'd have to move if I was out of work long-term but I am confident that won't happen !

OP posts:
ilovejonty · 04/12/2009 14:58

Sounds like you've followed your heart not your head which IMO is usually the best policy. I made a snap decision too and have days when I miss my old life, but ultimately I know I did the right thing. There's a lot of time left when DC grown up. You can always pick it up again later.

scottishmummy · 04/12/2009 15:24

plan your return to work after time with ds.have an idea how/when,and a structure and to do list.maintain some reading and knowledge.as coming to school age approaches plan re-entry to job market

law is an excellent professional degree for moving into other areas.the transferrable skills are numerous

good luck

abdnhiker · 04/12/2009 20:17

Ronipops I'm a scientist with two kids and I took a three year career break a few months ago. The first two months were really hard, I felt a loss of identity and it was a blow to my self-esteem even though I knew it was the right thing. I'm much happier now though and my two boys are infinitely happier than they were at nursery, I truely mean that.

As for work, I'm looking around for ways to maintain my skill set, small amounts of part time work or even volunteer work. It's scary but worth it and I suspect you'll feel the same way once the inital shock (because it is shocking to walk off the career path after you've worked so hard for it) wears off.

stressed2007 · 07/01/2010 20:19

"law is an excellent professional degree for moving into other areas.the transferrable skills are numerous"

I keep hearing this opinion from lawyers (I was one myself). Can anyone please tell me what these are as I am basically being told in my job hunt that a solicitor is a solicitor is a solicitor - i.e. skills are not transferable at all. Many thanks

Bonsoir · 07/01/2010 20:26

stressed2007 - a long time ago I was a strategy consultant. All strategy consultancies tell you that it is excellent preparation for all sorts of careers, transferable skills etc but the reality is that you do have to start again at or near the bottom of any career path (albeit perhaps with a faster track to promotion) when you leave unless you have built a relationship with a client over several cases and move the role you were doing as a supplier in-house. And then you still end up as a strategy person, and have to make the move to operational, and that isn't always easy at all.

Batteryhuman · 07/01/2010 20:27

Leaving the City was the best thing I ever did. i had a long break, 2 more DCs, did voluntary unpaid advice work for a few years and now work part time in a 10 partner commercial firm. I do not get paid anything like what I would have earnt in the City but my clients are (for the most part) really nice people in businesses where i can build up long term relationships, the work is challenging and interesting. Although the deals are smaller the pressures are less and I get to pick up my kids from school and have a life outside the office.

stressed2007 · 08/01/2010 09:41

I would be really interested to discuss further how to get "back in" as I am having little luck at all but begining to think may be not looking in all the right places anymore.If anyone has time to correspond please PM me.

Bonsoir what is a strategy consultant - is it like a management consultant? What sorts of roles so lawyers go into in business even at the bottom?

sayanything · 08/01/2010 09:47

Another former City solicitor here, I quit 4 years ago, more or less in the same way you did. Yes, I've had the occasional twinge (but I think it had more to do with also leaving London than my job as such), but I really don't regret it.

Before finding my current job in Brussels, I looked into the Government Legal Service. I realise it's been a few years, but I was told that they were more or less recruiting constantly.

Best of luck.