Should I return to work as a City solicitor?

[CityTorn]

I'm a solicitor in a large City firm. Won't give my area of specialism as it's niche enough to potentially identify me. Let's just say that there aren't many opportunities to go in house, and although I could move to some smaller and/or non-London firms, the work wouldn't be the sort I enjoy most.

I'm currently on maternity leave and fast approaching the deadline to decide whether to return or not. I just have no idea what to do.

I am fortunate enough to have a DH who earns enough that we could get by. We aren't wealthy, but we could pay the bills (with not that much spare). I realise that that isn't a choice a lot of people have and I do know I'm lucky.

On the one hand, I love spending time with my DS and it tears me apart to think of effectively not seeing him four days a week. I think I could get a four day week agreed, but the days would still be long and I would probably average one or two calls/urgent interuptions a week on my day off.

On the other hand, I am not sure I am cut out to be a SAHM. I miss the intellectual stimulation and the adult conversation. I've never been one of those people who loved my job. I always saw it as interesting for the time being, but ultimately impractical once we had a family. I've never been driven by ambition. But 8 months in, the frustration is starting to set in.

So, City mums and ex-City mums. What did you decide to do and why? How do you make it work on work/life balance if you did go back? If you took a complete change of career, any tips?

My friend went back fulltime as a City lawyer (she's in line to be made a Partner) and employed a nanny. If she went partime or reduced her hours she would have gotten the work other lawyers in her firm either didn't want or didn't value.

She rarely sees her kids in the week except for an hour when they wake up and it does kill her, but to be honest her kids are very very happy and content and as far as I can see they still love their mummy.

My hubby is a City lawyer and also only sees our daughter first thing in the morning. Often he travels abroad for work too. He misses her like crazy BUT our baby adores him and is very happy and hasn't disowned him :-) Incidentally I too work fulltime through choice not finances but I work in a profession where I can leave at 5pm to spend time with my baby.

Both my parents worked fulltime and I rarely saw them during the week aside from breakfast and sometimes one of them at bedtime but I was incredibly close to my mum and dad. Both my parents loved their careers and it set an excellent example to me too.

My point is... it's likely that it will be harder for you than for your child (so long as her/his childcare is excellent).

Oh I've just seen this comment of yours:
"I've never been one of those people who loved my job. I always saw it as interesting for the time being, but ultimately impractical once we had a family. I've never been driven by ambition."
In that case, you could explore another career or related. How about lecturing in law - they are always short of law lecturers at university and your hours would be much much more flexible. You could even do it partime.

You are totally right. It is definitely going to be harder on me than him if I go back. I guess I just don't know whether the hard parts will outweigh the good. Argh.

I think that, if my job finished at 5pm, I'd go back four days a week like a shot. It's the long hours that kill me. Like you, my DH is also a City lawyer, so it's not as if he will be around loads either (although, obviously, we'd split the pick ups etc).

If you don't love your job, you will probably find it very hard going working and having a child. I didn't love my job (consulting) and didn't want to work in that line after having children. I ultimately changed tack a bit before I had DD.

Lecturing. I hadn't thought of that. I'd discounted PSL because my area is niche and vacancies always get filled internally. Maybe I should look into academia...

Anna - yes, I probably should have changed before. I think I saw myself skipping out of work to be a SAHM. Don't feel quite like that now. I think possibly what I want is a job, but not my job...

Academia is a really high growth area and you can, IME, always get some kind of lecturing/tutoring job if you have that type of skill, provided you aren't too fussy about hours. Which can be a problem (I have found this to be so) for childcare, unless you have flexible grandmotherly type support.

I suggest you give it a try at going back to work.

Am donning tin hat ..but babies are easier to leave than older children, and if you give it a go you are not burning any bridges.

Also if you go back you might be able to leave later on more favourable redundancy terms rather than just quitting?

Only you know how tough you will find it but I would go back for three months or so to see how things pan out.

also when you are a bit sleepless and focussing on a baby you need to go back (er my opinion only of course) to a job you know more or less inside out

there will be days you need to go on auto pilot

I would second trying to go back to your old firm and surveying things from that vantage point.

Almost all law firms have a virtual freeze on recruitment at the moment, which will make it difficult for you to change firms, even more so if you are thinking of changing careers.

What is the likelihood of your being to go back to fee-earning on a flexible basis. Will it work and also, has the firm granted flexi-working applications before to fee-earners?

If you leave your firm now, it may be a long time before you find another job, whilst eroding your premium specialist skills in the meantime.. Losing out on a (voluntary) redundancy payment is another downside.

Since you are in a large city firm, there are always opportunities to re-train within the firm itself, in say a business support role like risk management (which has risen in importance in current times) or business development, which has more flexibility. A lot of firms will try in these current times to fill their vacancies internally, rather than externally and are more amenable to re-training existing staff, if a risk-free change to more family-friendly hours is what you want.

How does the pay in academia compare with being in private practice? Agree about the somewhat erratic hours.

Citytorn, do you enjoy that sort of work - I know I don't and so even PSL was not ideal for me.

Hiya
Could have been me writing that e mail. Gave it all up (was also solicitor) to be a SAHM. Best thing I ever did.
Could write an essay on my life since giving it up- all the issues you mention-lack of stimulation/status etc etc. Will try to write more later today xx

CityTorn, about three years ago I was in a an almost identical situation to you. I too work in a pretty specialised area of law in the City. Luckily I was allowed to return to fee earning on a part time basis, primarily working from home. To be honest, the partners don't seem to mind too much when I do my hours so long as they get done. This really has made things easier as I can always do the pick ups, tea, bath, bed etc but on the downside I am up late quite often doing work (which is fair enough as I am usually off contact from 5 till 7.30). Would something like this work for you or do you really need to be in the office?

Can't really advise but can say the difference is huge!I used to work with large firm, moved to small one, now SAHM. If you think you want to work it is easier when they are babies, they are less demanding time wise and as long as you have a nanny who can look after them if they are ill, you won't have to miss work for that reason, so long as emotionally you can leave them ( too ill to go to nursery was my main problem in the first year back). When they go to school they need your time so much more - you can't delegate some things. The work life balance thing is possible, anything is possible, but sometimes not much fun. But I've only been at home a few months...

My DS is almost 7 and DD is 3.

It almost killed me to go back after 6 months (stat leave at the time) after having each of them. I did 4 days a week and have only recently gone back to 5 days a week.

It was somehow worse with DS than DD, probably because I knew what to expect by the time it came to taking DD to nursery.

But I am so glad I did now they're older.

I would've got quite depressed being a SAHM as I know it wouldn't be enough for me - I can completely identify with your current feelings of frustration.

I work generally long hours. I do the morning school run and DH does the afternoon pick up. He also does hs share of cooking etc. I manage to work at home, over the internet, most Fridays, and also some Wednesdays as well. I usually get home from the office around 7-8pm Mon-Thurs, so see them first thing for a couple of hours and do bedtime stories when I get home.

Weekends are sacrosanct family time as I get most of the housework and laundry done on a Friday. I also 'buy' leave form the company so that I get 6 weeks holiday a year plus Bank hols.

IME the key is to be organised and be sure that you and DH share the childcare as much as possible. My DH does not have such a high pressure job as me - he works 6-2 so it is not a problem for him to do the pick ups.

Agree with others that it will be good to go back to something you know as you will need to be on Autopilot some days - I definitely was!

Also agree that you will suffer more than your DS initially. As long as you have a good childcare routine, it will all be fine.

I toyed with changing career when I went back after DS but a series of promotions coupled with the current recession has meant it makes more financial sense for me to stay put. I do enjoy my job and I am good at it - if only I could get away with working a 20-30 hour week! But my level of seniority does not logistically permit that.

Sorry it's long, but hope this helps with our decision.

I am now working in house which you said wasn't an option. I don't think I could work in the City again. Any chance you could work as a PSL? And perhaps in a few years time switch back (if at all possible)?

Agree with iceagethree and workinprogress about how it is easier to return to work (practically) when your children are small.

I see so many posts where people plan to stay at home until until their children go to school - but short school hours, in-service days, long holidays etc make it very difficult. If you are already in a job, valued, appreciated and have overcome the prejudice of your colleagues you are then in a good place to take unscheduled time off for the nativity play or sports day etc.

Personally I found the most important time to be at home was during the teenage years - when they don't want a nanny/minder, but they need a higher level of emotional support.

I've changed career a couple of times over the years, to suit me and to match the needs of my family. Remaining at work has given me the transferable skills to be able to do that.

But I have to admit I was bored at home. I found it frustrating when the most exciting thing I had done all day was go to the post office. My efforts at creative play ended with me being angry surrounded by empty toilet roll tubes and cotton wool (was supposed to be as Easter Bunny). And I was a bit lonely. So mostly going back to work was very good for me (and therefore very good for dd)

Are you sure PSL-ing isn't an option for you? I was a fee-earner in a large City firm before moving across to a PSL role that doesn't involve any black letter law (it is a know-how based role) in another City firm. Most of the PSLs in my firm work part-time or flexible hours, including the possibility of work from home. There are also often roles in legal training, conflict/compliance, as well as business development that offer good opportunities for lawyers seeeking alternative career paths, as law firms seem to prefer employing solicitors even for their non-core business roles.
(I am currently on maternity leave with my first child and am so pleased I am returning to a non-fee-earning role as although the issue of childcare is still tricky, at least I will not be routinely expected to work until past my child's bedtime and through weekends or risk feeling like I am swanning off while my childless colleagues do the time... though I still have mixed feelings about returning at all, and if I didn't have to for financial reasons, I am not sure I would...)

Sadly, PSL isn't really an option. My area is sufficiently niche that almost all PSL jobs get filled in house rather than going to external advertising, and our departmental PSL is firmly in place! I might keep an eye out though, as it's the technical knowledge I really enjoy.

Thank you everyone who has answered so far. It's given me loads to think about. Especially the stuff about asking for 'give' somewhere you're already known and the idea of buying extra holiday. We're off on holiday for a week now, so forgive me if I don't post for a while, but I might try and revive this thread when I return!

Have you considered joining the GLS (Government Legal Service)? They employ nearly 2000 lawyers mostly in London and offer lots of opportunities for part-time work etc. The work is interesting and it doesn't matter which area of law you are currently working in.

Obviously the pay isn't as good as the private sector (although it's still very good compared to a lot of other jobs) but given that the hours are much better, it's not such an issue.

Hey, so what did you decide?? This is exactly my dilemma.

I have had an "interview" to reduce to 3 days. Have said I'll go back if they say yes, but not if no. However actually resigning seems such a big step.

The best bit of my job is the marketing(!). That's not going to be possible if I'm trying to meet my target and leave at 5. Don't really like know-how so PSL doesn't appeal at all.

Is it actually possible to get a new parttime job (in house for example) or it best to try & persuade your current employer as you have earnt the brownie points?

Now I'm not going to make partner despite pre-pregnancy nods & winks (interestingly they found a male lateral hire about 3 months into my mat leave when it became clear I wasn't going back FT after minimal leave), am not sure I can be bothered to kill myself over timesheets etc!

Oh, what to do??!

I've some experience in this area.

I know this isn't the case for everyone (and I doff my hat to the couples who make it work) but I've come to the conclusion that - for us anyway - it's workable for me to be in full-time employment if one of us works long hours and travels constantly - but not workable if we both do.

That was the deciding factor really for us and now I only work school hours/pt as a result.

I don't find my p/t job intellectually challenging at all but, on the positive side, I'm available for my dd, there's no real crisis if she is ill, and I'm involved in community/school projects which I find fairly fulfilling.

No solution is ever perfect.

Good luck!

I was a salaried partner doing corporate at a large firm. Transactional work and the inflexibility of the team structure made it so that it seemed to me it was impossible for me to even conceive a baby let alone do maternity leave and return. I made a choice to leave and take a massive pay cut (about half the pay gulp) about 3 years ago and now work in the public sector (still legal). The quality of work (and the people) were a massive adjustment to get used to as well as the lack of cash. But the hours were extremely regular and predictable. I got pregnant as if totally planned the exact week i passed my probation period and have since had a baby and returned to work 4 days a week. That is not to say I don't on a daily basis miss the buzz of the transactional work I used to do and the people who were much more stimulating and easy to get on with on a professional level, as well as the independence of having much more disposable income. But I have accepted this for the opportunity of some kind of chance to both have a family and a job which is still legal and still practicing as such (although I know anyone looking at my CV would take some convincing to accept me back at my old level in private practice). The worst time was just before my probation period was up in my new job when i was still trying to conceive and it wasn't happening and I thought i had chucked it all in for nothing.