Should I return to work as a City solicitor?

[CityTorn]

I'm a solicitor in a large City firm. Won't give my area of specialism as it's niche enough to potentially identify me. Let's just say that there aren't many opportunities to go in house, and although I could move to some smaller and/or non-London firms, the work wouldn't be the sort I enjoy most.

I'm currently on maternity leave and fast approaching the deadline to decide whether to return or not. I just have no idea what to do.

I am fortunate enough to have a DH who earns enough that we could get by. We aren't wealthy, but we could pay the bills (with not that much spare). I realise that that isn't a choice a lot of people have and I do know I'm lucky.

On the one hand, I love spending time with my DS and it tears me apart to think of effectively not seeing him four days a week. I think I could get a four day week agreed, but the days would still be long and I would probably average one or two calls/urgent interuptions a week on my day off.

On the other hand, I am not sure I am cut out to be a SAHM. I miss the intellectual stimulation and the adult conversation. I've never been one of those people who loved my job. I always saw it as interesting for the time being, but ultimately impractical once we had a family. I've never been driven by ambition. But 8 months in, the frustration is starting to set in.

So, City mums and ex-City mums. What did you decide to do and why? How do you make it work on work/life balance if you did go back? If you took a complete change of career, any tips?

I have to drop my daughter at nursery at 7.15am and collect her at 5.30pm -ish 4 days per week. This is one of the worst things and I hate it although having worked private practice hours I feel almost grateful for the regular hours allowing me to do this. When I think of the number of hours she is in nursery i feel physically sick. I don't know whether it makes it worse or not, no doubt it is no different from working in a team of all men, but my team is all women past childbearing age and with no children themselves who were frosty about my maternity leave etc, i have just forced myself to ignore it on autopilot. Sometimes I feel lucky, sometimes when i think about it i miss my baby like crazy so I try not to think about it

Anniemac thanks, i hate to admit it but in the right firm i think you might be right and private practice can be more flexible and progressive (although I am not sure how this could be the case in transactional areas of work)...but then I will retract that admission because I made the choice to jack private practice in even at the point when things were getting good, simply because the stress (which I strangely quite enjoyed) meant I wasn't even getting pregnant in the first place. Do I regret downsizing so dramatically? Now you have got me. but basically yes, some private practice firms are actually very good and you don't even realise it till you try the much touted "family friendly" sectors (like public sector jobs) and realise often their claims to be flexible and family friendly are not exactly true in comparison to [some] private practice

Good luck with your next maternity leave. I speculated after I had made the leap away from private practice that the only way transactional work would have worked would have been to have had A1gold star childcare ideally a nanny or something which did not require a rigid return home time, especially as husband is also corp/comm transactional lawyer working long hours. I loved the travel when i was in private practice and was doing more of it just before i left although the very short notice i received of long haul trips etc was something I knew was not going to work at all easily with a baby. I hate to admit it (again) but I also thought probably transactional work gets easier the higher up the tree you are and the more of a team you have working for you to co ordinate those times in the day when you have to be with babe (in the absence of nanny).
Anyway hope your return from maternity goes well. You wouldn't believe the amount of "keeping in touch" (taking on large numbers of work files to do from home from just under 2 months maternity leave) I had to do during my first maternity leave just to keep my boss happy and that is public sector. Enjoy your maternity leave whilst it lasts!

Anniemac your travelling sounds good and manageable at the frequency you mention, if you find you can be in control and you know baby is being well looked after it must be quite good for you to have that independence occasionally against the backdrop of a routine which allows you most of the time to drop your daughter off etc

I too work in a niche area. I went back as a PSL and have a fleixble working arrangement. It does involve me getting up at 5.00am for quite a few days of the week though, but the quid pro quo is that I am home in time to see my kids and I also work from home a lot.

Would say be cautious about making the switch to psl at the moment though if you think it might appeal as we are an expensive luxury and in many firms, have been one of the first things to go in recent months. I think it may be harder to get into now than it has been in the past.

Also if you go down the PSL route, there is a significant loss of status that take some getting used to!

If your niche area is quiet at the moment I would second going back. Much easier to get back to work when there isn't too too much to do, and there are a lot of redundant lawyers out there at the moment trying to get in on the lecture circuit.

I am FT and have DSs aged 6 and nearly 5. Either DH or I see them in the morning till our nanny comes at 830, and one of us is back at 1830 to do bath and bed four nights a week (nanny does one night babysitting). Which one of us it is varies from day to day, depending what we're each up to. I also agree it's easier when the children are babies. But you need to like the work though. You have to be able to get through the lovely sunny days when you have nothing to do or something really dull to do, and you sit there and wonder why you are not in the park having fun with your lovely little ones.

CityTorn, I realise there is almost no point posting this as the likelihood of you reading this is almost zero but... just in case..what did you decide to do? I'm currently in the same boat!

mummylawyer I'm not CityTorn but I've recently been in a similar position - and resigned a few weeks ago. Currently on mat leave with DD1 (six months in), and 2yrs PQE at an international city firm.

I didn't 'love' my job either - it was good intellectual stimulation, but I haven't missed it at all whilst on mat leave. I'm not senior enough for PSL work or in-house roles and places like the GLS etc aren't really recruiting at the moment.

One of the huge factors in my decision not to return was the hours my husband works. He rarely works under 12 hours a day and is regularly away overnight (at least once a week). If I were to return to work my daughter would not see her parents from one weekend to the next, and I do not believe that that is the correct way to bring up a child.

I also do not believe that part-time is feasible at a City law firm: I have seen too many women try it and it just not live up to expectations/hopes. Since I earned less than my husband, we therefore decided that I should stop working: we can easily manage on my husband's salary alone.

It's taken a while but I'm now at peace with my decision (the day I resigned I was in floods of tears!). The lack of intellectual stimulation which CityTorn mentioned as a fear, should she stay at home, is a worry, but I'm confident that I can keep myself and my brain active enough to prevent this happening. I'm already looking into courses and other forms of training I can do, and finding out about volunteering/mentoring opportunities. The fact that a role isn't paid doesn't make it any less valid (although I appreciate that volunteering is a luxury some people can't afford), and I'm genuinely excited about the opportunities out there. I feel very lucky to have been given this time with my daughter (and subsequent children we hope to have) and to be able to try things out other than law.

If your husband is able to be around, and you genuinely enjoy your job, then it may be worth going back to work. But I honestly don't think both parents can have fully fledged careers without sacrificing time with your children (I'm not saying that this will harm the children in any way - as been's pointed out above, it may well be the parents who are the most affected by this! - or judging anyone who's made a different choice), and only you can decide whether this is a sacrifice worth making.

Good luck

Hi Pinkcamera, just read your post & it has really made me feel better. I too have now resigned - my firm were not willing to offer me an option which I felt my family needs. My husband works such long hours as is currently very stressed in his job that if I went back to mine, the reality is neither of us would see our DD. I too was in tears after I handed my notice in but I'm now feeling positive - there is so much we can do with our skills. I'm excited about what the future holds. Thanks again for your post though - it's comforting to know there are others out there making the same choices.

I was a city lawyer and had ds1 when I was 8 years PQE. I ummed and ahhed about going back but didn't because I knew I would have to give myself heart and soul to my job again, particularly as they wanted me to go for partnership. Best thing I ever did.

I absolutely loved my job but I live a totally different life now and love my life. I do work but in a totally different line of business and am fortunate enough to have sold a business a few months ago and am not working much at the moment.

Being a sahm doesn't mean you end up stuck at home with a brain the size of a pea - it's what you make it frankly. I have a very varied life and am fortunate enough to get involved with my children's school and also help out a couple of friends who are starting up/running businesses. I also help dh out on a couple of his business interests which I enjoy.

Good luck with whatever decision you make.

mummylawyer - no problem. Am so glad that it helped. It's a really scary/exciting/confusing time isn't it?! Congratulations on having made the decision: now relax and enjoy your little one!